A Question From RuthAnne About Adenocarcinoma, Lung Cancer

Acknowledging is one thing, but if the mind starts believing that you are going to die, I think it affects the outcome. I am a firm believer in the power of positive attitude. Never say die, never give up, tough times never last, but tough people do.

reality is, we're all going to die. cancer, no cancer, no one makes it out alive.

and i don't think that acknowledging that, and making sure some things are in order (like a will, and life insurance) is going to keep you alive, or kill you faster.

so yes, i have cancer. yes, i may die from it. i have a will, i have life insurance, i have health directives.

then i had the surgery, and then the chemo, and now we're setting up for the radiation therapy.

yes, i'm going to die. eventually. but my calendar is full for the next 6-8 weeks, thanks, and i'm not dead yet.

I read a book called 'Cancer: 50 Things You Should Know' that talked about the importance of a positive attitude tempered with realism. Acknowledging that you have a life threatening illness is only realistic and should be balanced with hope. I've also seen some interesting opinions by therapists who believe that being critical of cancer patients who don't always have a positive attitude is another form of blaming the victim.

No one who has cancer should be afraid to let them selves feel scared, angry, or depressed at times. You feelings are you feelings and you are entitled to them. Only you can be the judge about whether you are focusing too much on the reality of your illness versus you hope for recovery.

All of these answers are so good! I have found that when I was first diagnosed, people were more comfortable with me talking about fear and death. However, as my treatments have gone well and the cancer has shrunk and stabilized, talking about these things has become more problematic - and I don't talk about them all of the time - so I wanted to see how the folks in "Cancer World" thought about it.

Thanks so much!

I have pancreatic cancer, a treatable, not curable form. I also have two sons getting their degrees in a year and a half. Right now, seeing that happen is my long term goal. That is well beyond my prognosis. When I get there I will set another long term goal. We are all born with a terminal condition called life. Can't let cancer get in the way of enjoying it :)

Ever since my cancer recurred I have a much more realistic attitude about my cancer. The first three years after the surgery I acknowledged it, but did not really let it in. Denial worked for me because I was symptom free. Still working full time and traveling for fun whenever possible. I am so greatful for that time, because since the recurrence, it has been chemo and radiation ctscans and doctors. I have slowly over the last six months have more acceptance regarding having cancer and have started to talk with my daughters about what the future may bring. They all have a hard time talking about dying, so I keep it to the minimum
But have given each of them a copy of my last directive.I have chosen one of them to be my emergency person, and another one
To make final decisions. We talk everyday, but mostly about life and kids etc. They are all up to date on my challenges and treatments and have been amazingly supportive. My goal right now is to enjoy every day to the fullest, but be realistic and embrace all the days, good or bad.

This is a hard subject.
You may not realize, but in fact we are asking this question is very blessed and fortunate. In Japan, Doctor and family will be controling how much information you (as a patient) should have. Correct me if I am talking about the Old Japan, but this is very troublesome. My grandmom died from pancreatic cancer, but no one told her what she has or how long she may have. My dad also had pancreatic cancer but the doc told him as he was diagnosed here in US. My grandmom was very angry to all caregivers, as she thought that they were giving her poison. She was also angry with my Dad, I do not think she ever forgave him for what I will never know. My dad was luckly to become a survivor from pancreatic cancer. For me, I have to know everything.

I believe in power of knowing - I would like to know "what is normally expected" either if it means sooner death. People build character as they overcome challenges and sufferings. I spit out my guts on my message board - some read and some don't. But by having this garbage can, my stomach is lighter and my lung is cleaner. At this point, I will use all tools to get myself better. If this will make my bad day looks darker at time, so be it. This will make me appreciate sunny day even more.

And I know I will give back - one day I will feel better - without nausea, headache, dizziness and weakness. And I will eat like a pig and run like a crazy dog. So looking forward to that day.

Great answers indeed. Interestingly I never seriously considered death as an option. The idea entered my mind, but I was so focused on getting a doctor to call it cancer and then moving forward quickly into surgery, that it just didn't take up any head space. However, I did develop an infection following the lobectomy that turned pretty ugly. As I continued to get worse rather than better, I did entertain the thought of "what if." I agree that acknowledging the possibility is one thing -- embracing it as fact is yet another. I believe that what we put out into the universe with intention will eventually become reality. So for me, acknowledged it, sure. Believed it, never.
Best to all.

I agree with everything that has been said---I think acknowledgement and surrender are 2 different things---I still say that a positive attitude tempered with realism is the key-- a hard balance for sure and I haven't perfected it with that said though what can a doctor use to measure the human spirit and the will to live

Thank you, CancerPeeps!

I may be one of the most positive guys in my oncologists office - he asked if he could bottle me. Bu I'm not stupid either, I know I may die of cancer. Both my parents did, so it wouldn't be all that different in the family. BUT I absolutely refuse to stop the fight. I love my grand kids and would like to see them for years to come. I firmly believe in a reason to live philosophy. I also would prefer to live in the positive as the alternative is dark.

I have been handling my cancer with as much positivity as possible, trying to see a silver lining to it from all sides. For example, I am going to school for a midlife career change to be an RN, and so I view this as a training opportunity!... but I had to have brief moments of "what if it doesn't work" or "I could die from this".

I agree with others, it's important to realize that there can be a silver lining, but it's a dark cloud too and you never know what's going to happen.