You Have Cancer and I Am So Mad at You

by GregP_WN

A friend of ours told me that you have lung cancer and that you are not doing very well. That made me feel so very sad because you are such a wonderful person and you’ve made a very huge difference in my life. I wanted to know whether there was anything that I could do to help you as I have had cancer and my father had lung cancer.

Anger At Cancer

 I have spent so many hours praying for you and your family and friends and trying to keep updated regarding how you are doing and what treatments you are undergoing. But, once I got past the initial information and how your immediate needs are being addressed, I started to inquire about the beginnings of your battle and what I learned has really angered me.

I learned that long before you went to the doctor to find out what was wrong, you had been experiencing some symptoms that you refused to address. I learned that you kept everything to yourself and did not share how you were feeling with anyone else. I understand that you made no changes in your lifestyle to see whether you might feel better in an effort to deal with the problems in lieu of seeing the doctor immediately. I also believe that although you held out in not going to the doctor for as long as you could, you had a pretty good idea about what the problem was.

I don’t understand that unless you had already decided that you were not going to fight. I heard that you indicated that as a smoker for most of your life, this was to be expected. I learned that your efforts in getting assistance with your medical care has not been easy since you did not have insurance at the time of your diagnosis. I found out that the chemo that you were undergoing was not working and that your doctor was making a change. And I understand that when you had a bit of a scare a couple of weeks ago, you were taken to the hospital and after tests were done, you were advised that the tumor had not gotten smaller and that on a going-forward basis, there would be a problem with draining that lung when the fluids accumulated again.
Now you are home from the hospital and I understand are doing better with a change in your diet and time to relax on the porch to soak in the sunshine. You have been surrounded by family and friends that have come from all over the country. You have chosen to give up the chemo and I understand that the pain meds are working well. But, I can figure out what you want for your future.

You have told your family that you want to keep on fighting but that doesn’t mesh with your behavior. I see everyone running around and doing every thing that they can do for you but I don’t think you are doing anything differently. I am so angry at you for not going to the doctor when you first had problems and not sharing that with others because you know how they would have reacted. You might be able to fool them into thinking it was because you didn’t want to worry them but I think that is not the case and that your not being honest with them is so hurtful.

More than anything, I would love you to keep on living so that you could enjoy your children and grandchildren. I would love for a “miracle” to happen that would keep you going so that you would finally be able to appreciate all of the love and caring that those around you have always given to you. I would love for you to have the time to know how much everyone has been willing to give to you and to sacrifice for you because of their love for you. And I would love for you to realize that you deserve to be loved and cherished.

I think you may have finally realized that those around you care so deeply about you. Perhaps that is enough for you to know as you prepare to leave this world but suddenly, I think you may have had a change of heart about that. If so, I am even angrier that you didn’t take better care of yourself so that you would finally be able to enjoy this life that you were given. I am angrier that you didn’t go to the doctor sooner in order to improve your chances for a much longer life. I am angrier because you have had so many opportunities to take down the walls and let others in.

Each day that you have here is yours to do with as you choose. If your choice is to leave now then so be it. But, if you really and truly want to live on, then please give it all you’ve got and those around you will help. However, we can’t negate what has already happened and we can’t change the past but if nothing else, just know that for those around you, we are all better for having had you in our lives and one day, either on this side or the other, you will know that and understand that you have always made a positive difference for all of us.

Today's Blog Post is from WhatNexter Barbara Jacoby from the Website Barbara is a two time breast cancer survivor and she also lost her Father to lung cancer and Brother to renal cancer. As you might imagine, cancer advocacy and supporting other cancer patients and survivors is a passion of hers.

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