pevans67's Journey with Pancreatic Cancer

My sister called me to tell me that mom had a CAT scan due to "feeling like something was squishing her inside" and the scan showed a lesion on her pancrease along with 6-7 on her liver. My mom didn't even know yet! When mom goes back for her results she is told she has pancreatic cancer with metatastic disease to the liver. Prognosis at this time is 5 years but they need to do a biopsy to determine what stage it is.

Halloween will never be the same for me...it will always be the day my mom had her biopsy done to determine the stage of her cancer.

November 4th mom, my sister and my brother go to see her oncologist. Mom is told that she is in stage 4 with metastization to the liver, perhaps elsewhere. Prognosis goes from 5 years to 6 months without treatment perhaps 12-18 months with treatment.

Mom decided on November 14th that she did not want to do any treatment. This is the day when it started to become reality that my beautiful mother was beginning on a new journey that we could only support her along the way but ultimately she would have to take this journey on her own.

My boys and I traveled to Indiana to spend Thanksgiving with my family-this is something that we have only done once in 21 years. Mom had stated that she just wanted "one more good Thanksgiving with all her kids there". It was a time of such mixed emotions: joy for being able to be with my family for the holiday, happiness and gratitude for being able to give mom this time with all of us but also fear, anxiety, sadness and even some anger. It was hard to see my mom and know that she has this terrible disease ravaging her body and even harder to watch her try to hide her discomfort from pain along with her nausea because she didn't want me to worry. It was heartbreaking to watch my sons spend time getting to know their grandma when I know that this may be the last time they see her able to share quality time with them or perhaps, even alive. The hardest was leaving Indiana to come back home to Minnesota. Everytime I have left my mom's in the past I have cried and wondered in the back of my mind....what if this is the last time I see her alive, this time I didn't cry. However, as we were leaving town my son turned on the radio and Vince Gill's song "Go rest high on the Mountain" was playing. Listening to this song I didn't realize that the tears were rolling down my cheeks until my son handed me a kleenex without saying a word.

They had to change mom's nausea med again because the one's she was one were causing her to become short-tempered and irritable. She couldn't remember what they put her on now but her insurance company refused to fill it since it's only for "cancer patients that are actively receiving chemotherapy". Thank God my brother is a pharmacist and knew how to get around those hurdle so she could get this new med.

Mom lost her battle with pancreatic cancer on March 1st. It was, by far, one of the most heartwrenching things I have ever had to watch but now 2 guardian angels and mom & dad are finally back together where they belong.