DEB_INDY's Journey:

Spouse/Partner: Lung Cancer

Patient Info: Currently in active treatment (initial surgery, receiving chemo rounds/radiation), Diagnosed: almost 5 years ago, Male, Age: 62

  1. 1
    over 4 years ago
    DEB_INDY's Avatar

    Diagnosed

    Oh No

    He went for a simple physical. They found a nodule. All the Docs thought it was probably scar tissue from a earlier injury. But when I saw the surgeon after surgery, I could tell from his face. Lung Cancer. I wanted to run away. NO NO NO!!!!!! Not again. My Mom passed in 2010 from lung cancer and my first husband in 2006 from bladder cancer. I was now married to my high school sweetheart after 33 years apart and cancer came to haunt me again. My mind raced back to all the past times and I just couldn't think anymore. I knew I had to be strong for him but it was terrifying to think of once again going down that road of treatments and fear. But also I knew that this time I would be very much alone. While we love each other very much, we were always very different. I need to talk and he won't share his feelings. I need physical nurturing, just a hug or kiss but it is not in his nature especially when he is stressed or worried. I realize this probably sounds weak on my part. Is it wrong to need that reassurance? Is it selfish? Post surgery was rough but he came home after 9 days. I did very little right in his eyes. When I asked questions, he blew me off. He went to Dr appointments alone because that is what he wanted. He gave short versions of what the Dr said and some things just didn't make sense to me. But when ever I would ask questions he just became so angry. I just cried and tried to keep to myself

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  2. 2
    over 4 years ago
    DEB_INDY's Avatar

    Decision Point

    He finally met with his oncologist 5 weeks post op. He agreed with the surgeon that they had taken all of the tumor. No cancer in lymph nodes or surrounding tissue but he thought chemo was the next step. I was always afraid he would say no but he said yes. He told me it was 4 weekly treatments. That sounded wrong to me but he got angry when I had questions. I went with him today to talk to surgeon about getting his chemo port. I told him that I was going and he agreed. Hopefully it will be done this Friday. We stopped by oncologist and there he was told the chemo was to be given 3 weeks apart. He was angry I could tell and he said so after we left the office.

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  3. 3
    over 4 years ago
    DEB_INDY's Avatar

    Relationship issues

    Oh No

    He is so angry. This is not going his way. He is so scared but will not share his feelings. He isn't eating much or getting much rest. We argue about it daily. I think he is so fortunate that the cancer was found early, that we have insurance to cover the cost, that he has a job, and is otherwise in pretty good health. I do love him so much and he has a daughter and grandchildren who love him dearly. He doesn't have a close relationship with his other children or mother or sister and I know that bothers him. He is blessed by many things but he sees none of them. I think back to when my Mom and first husband were fighting their battle with cancer. I know I can not compare his battle with theirs but I try to remember the things that I learned. I learned that each battle was a private path. My first husband was agry that his body had betrayed him. It took him a bit to resolve that but were able to talk and cry it out together. He fought his hardest to survive to the next Christmas for his grand kids. They were his focal point. When the Docs said nothing more could be done, he told us enough. I held him in arms and when he passed, the church bells across the street began to ring. I told Mom that it was announcing that he was safe and at peace in heaven. I was at peace too. My Mom although 84 fought for my brothers and I. The chemo and radiation was just too hard on her. She went from a vibrate and active woman to being bedridden and in constant pain. She called me one day and said "enough, come home now". She passed a week later after visiting with my brother and I and recalling lots of good memories. After my brother left for the night, as I was fixing my bed by her bedside, her breathing changed and I knew. I held her and she opened her eyes. She looked very surprised and I held her and told her that Dad was waiting for her in heaven. Go to him, it is okay. She closed her eyes and was at peace. I pray that the chemo works and that we have many more years together but I am afraid that our life will never be a happy one again. I know I must be the strong one, the positive one, the one who keeps everything going during his fight but I want him to try to be positive and give me a shoulder sometimes. Is this wrong? Am I just being selfish? Do I just have to accept that he will follow his path through this his way and if it leads away from me that it is his path. If away from me means he regains his health then I want him to choose that path. Am I hurting more than helping?

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