whoknew's Journey with Breast Cancer

I had been laid off in January, 2009 and so, no health insurance. Last mammo had been in November, 2007. Lump appeared in Feb, 2009. Finally went to the Dept of Health, Breast and Cervical Cancer Study, June 2010. "Oh fibroid tumors, come back next year......." WELL, the following year, June 2011 it was breast cancer, stage 3B or C.

The biggest surprise was that the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes and so, they took 'em all. There were 4 that tested positive out of 19. At the time I had no idea as to the significance of the lymph nodes removal. The final diagnosis came 8/01 and the surgery, which by that time was an emergency, was 8/31. Because of the denial I was obviously in for too long, I really didn't know what hit me. It didn't help that I am single and not living in my home state of New York, where my family is. Local Support has been minimal. My sisters have been wonderful but far away.

My Uncle had passed in April '09 and so, thank God and my Grandmother's inheritance, I did not have to work through the treatment. I do not know how people do it.

I did not speak to alot of people because they want to tell you the most terrible experiences BUT one person had told me that radiation was worse than the chemo. At the time it was said, I did not believe her. She was right. Toward the end of the radiation I likened the radiation area to a pancake when you flip it over and the bubbles come up. Nasty. Torture.

When I first went to the Dept of Health, there was no inheritance. Once the diagnosis was confirmed, I was assigned Emergency Medicaid. Now, it is time to reapply for the Emergency Medicaid. I should have reapplied in June. I have not reapplied yet out of fear. Fear that they will take the 100K in stock that remains. So, I have stopped my Herceptin treatment. And am paralyzed. Sadly, I do paralyzed real good.

I'm frozen in this limbo of not having renewed the Emergency Medicaid. The Herceptin treatment had been stopped by the doctor because my blood counts were low. That was July 2nd. I was supposed to return to be retested August 20th and resume the Herceptin through November of this year. I'm also tired of the treatment. My body is tired of the treatment. I need support and some direction to get through the rest of this process.