susanmck's Journey with Squamous Cell Carcinoma, Vaginal Cancer

This can't happen to me now! I was sexually abused in 2003. Was diagnosed with PTSD. Had severe panic attacks and dark nightmares. Medicated with Cymbalta and Alprazolam and Trazadone. From this I was diagnosed with HPV in 2004. No insurance! Don't have the money to go get something surgically done. Dr.'s want money up front. OK, I'll wait. 2006 the crash got my retirement. However I still have a paying part time job. 2008 took my Soc. Sec. early so I could continue to work and invest the whole Soc. Sec. check myself. Lost my job at the end of 2008. Went 9 months without a job. Used up most of my savings awaiting a job. Still no insurance! Finally got on Medicare the end of 2011. In early 2012 I was finally able to get a Primary Dr. He referred me to GYN. I got the HPV diagnosis again but this time it was squamous cell. This was surgically removed and then I found out I also had cancer of the Vagina. All because of an abusive rape and no medical insurance. So I now think of my cancer cells as pieces of my abuser that I am going to kill off one at a time. And that is how I stay sane.

My PTSD reared its ugly head again.

I need to get to that point where I am not ashamed, not embarrassed, find someone to talk to and treat this with anger and "I'm going to beat this thing up and live my life".

Have IBS with projectile diarrhea/ take lomotil and probiotics. My last treatment was internal targeted radiation.

Last internal radiation therapy was not a good experience. Dr. did not explain procedure. Dr. had not read my history of PT The final radiation treatment was internal targeted. I left this treatment with a quarter size decubitus on my butt, weakened by diarrhea, nausea, and panic attacks from my PTSD. I was depressed and agitated from the pain. Nursing care and home health came in to help me with dressing the decubitus and help me bath, make my bed, wash dishes and clothes.