Psychosocial - houston

Other Care Associated with Breast Cancer. Posted on March 15, 2013 View this journey (13 Experiences)

I suffered with depression and had been on medications for many years prior to the diagnosis. The depression was very bad when I found I needed to take care of my family members, there were no funds other than my retirement to use for this, and I was unable to return to work. With the cancer diagnosis, I found some relief in caring for my family.
No longer being able to care for them 24/7 I finally was able to access outside assistance. I was able to do my treatment with relief, the pressure I had been under had been so tremendous and I had continued to push it to the back of my mind.
It didn't occur to me that my life was in danger until my treatments and surgery were finished. When there were no more treatment visits daily and no more supportive medical team helping me with my illness, reality hit. I felt cut loose from everything. Instead of relief, I felt lost and terrified of what would come next. Who was watching for recurrence? How did they know ALL the cancer was gone? How would we monitor me for recurrence so I wouldn't miss important signs that more treatment was needed.
Am I considered a survivor now?...and if so why am I still being referred to as having breast cancer? My mind is functioning so poorly and my energy level is at zero so howam I to go back to work. I need income! I am unable to retire without funds to live on! What am I going to do.... Fortunately, I found a wonderful therapist for counseling and weekly visits are helping me deal. I have a lot of healing to do physically (from the cancer and the dangerous drugs used to treat it), mentally (with a brain that cannot seem to hold information for more than a few minutes), emotionally (I find tears rolling down my cheeks at the most inappropriate times) and spiritually. I know God has a plan for me and this happened for a reason. I need to make sense of why I got this disease, how my personal life got so out of my control. I need to understand what the future will look like for me now. Do I have only five more years to live??
What will my family look like at that time? Will my small grandchildren have enough time with me to know how much I love them? Will my mother and sister still be alive? What will their living situation and health be? Will my beloved sons and daughter-in-law be alright in their lives? Is someone going to need me and when I am not there for them.
Will everyone know how important they have been in my life and how much love and pride I leave behind for them?

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