Lost loved one - JannD

Loss Associated with Prostate Cancer. Posted on March 9, 2012 View this journey (3 Experiences)

Loss is a terrible/weird thing. That old expression about it making you stronger, is actually true in many ways. Once a person has been around a few decades, they will experience many losses. The early childhood bumps; maybe having a new sibling in the house and learning to share Mommy and your toys, etc. Off to school, scary world, your first great friend abandons you for the "in crowd". Your parents decide to move away or split up.........Loss
For some of us the losses just keep coming and we can hardly take a breath. Others have longer to adjust, or a calmer pysche, whatever it is. Life just rolls on. But it teaches us how to raise our head up again and stay in the fight. We learn that life does go on.
That helps when the really terrible losses come.
For me, I have had many. Dad died when I was 17. I was holding him in my arms as my mom ran to call for the ambulance.and he took his last breath. Massive heart attack.
My first husband, a Viet Nam vet came home fine, or so we thought. He had multiple problems from Agent Orange. Was in a wheelchair by the time he was 30 and dead at 51.
There were many others like a daughter born with birth defects a breast cancer scare, an amputated foot in nursing school.

I thought I had been dealt a pretty good hand.to deal with, then.....
In the span of three months I lost my brother and only sibling to liver CA. My mom to a stroke and six day later, my step dad followed her. A broken heart, I think.
I had a double funeral for them and I was still grieving my brother. I spent a long time trying to figure out how to mourn three at once and give them all their due time.
But I have told my daughters that the end result of all this is that , for one, I am not too afraid anymore. There will be more troubles in life, for sure, They will be different, but worse?..Hmmmm. probably not. Loss is loss
I led a grief support group for a while, and that was the point. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, your job, or your health, you go through the same steps to get over each one. That is why we can help each other. We recognize the signs. Denial, anger, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Doesn't mean we do them in order, or don't keep going back again, Grief is a process, It does not have an end point.
But when these huge storms rush up before we even have time to grab the rail or throw down an anchor, it is good to look back and remember just how many storms we have come through before, even if our umbrella blew away. We may have been wet, tired, and weeping. But you just can't have a rainbow without the rain.
'nuf said from this weary traveler.
God bless you all on your journey. Just grab the rail , look back and remember how strong you are.
JannD

1 Comment
  • MichaelV's Avatar
    MichaelV

    WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. How is your husband coping with the chemo? Did they every mention Zytiga or Provenge? I'm on both at the present time. My thoughts are with you and thanks again for the insightful post.

    almost 9 years ago

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