Loss of Self - NancyK

Loss Associated with Mixed Tumors, Breast Cancer. Posted on July 23, 2012 View this journey (10 Experiences)

There are a lot of losses associated with breast cancer. Some of them—like losing all your hair—perhaps minor—may feel pretty traumatic. I know when I got down to two eyelashes on one eye and three eyelashes on the other: I felt that loss.
But a more significant loss I think was when I went to a colleague’s retirement party. I was very tired, I was sick, and although I was enjoying myself, there was a video of my colleague over her thirty years with the company, and somewhere in that video was a picture of me ten years earlier. And I looked so strong and so vibrant and I remember sitting there that night feeling…erased… And I know people came up to me and talked about what an impact I had on their lives and I really felt like they thought they were seeing me for the last time. And my assistant asked if she could drive me home. It was a terrible day, terrible. The loss of self, I think.

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