• anger

    Asked by beth2012 on Thursday, May 2, 2013


    my spouce with stage 4 lung cancer and severe blood clots on legs n lungs.. it been 7 months he still has anger...it like every little thing just seems to get to him easliy.. how do we his family freinds work through this

    4 Answers from the Community

    4 answers
    • CAS1's Avatar

      I am right there with your husband. All I can say is its difficult. He needs to connect with a higher power. Not sure what faith he has or has not but his is a connection that I think is important. He needs to know that everyday Dr's and researchers are working so hard to find a cure. Remind him that people are praying for him.
      Try meditation, try spiritual books and DVD's. I am a research junkie and its my background but I find great hope and strength in reading and sharing data on cancer discoveries.

      Its hard to feel good when in pain and despair.

      Can you think of anything he can do to help someone else? Or a Hobby?

      We are at our best when helping others.

      Good luck but I know where he is and I know where you are because I have been a caregiver too.

      over 3 years ago
    • fastdog's Avatar

      Wow, your husband has been hit with a double whammy. He would be a saint in heaven if he didn't have anger, fear and depression to deal with. There may not be anything you can really do to change his attitude, if it's firmly entrenched. You can try to find things that interest him, talk to his clergy person if there is one, and certainly talk about it to his oncologist. Perhaps some antidepressants are in order. Since the only person we can truly change is ourselves, maybe all you and the others close to him can do is keep in mind that his anger is coming from fear and depression and try hard not to take it personally, it's being taken out on you because you are the people closest to him. You might try talking to him when he's in a receptive mood, and tell him you understand where he's coming from, but that his anger is really making things harder on everyone. Stay strong, and take some time for youself, I know this is very hard for a caring person to deal with.

      over 3 years ago
    • AlizaMLS's Avatar

      Dear beth2012,

      Hi, I'm Aliza, a BC patient and the site's unofficial resident Medical Librarian. I answer questions - usually non medical ones, and offer referrals to doctors, hospitals, institutions, agencies, websites, books, media, etc. I also do research when requested or required.

      Your husband's anger is very understandable. It also makes life h--- for you and your friends! One of the things I'd recommend for both you and your husband is for you to contact CancerCare. Their Social Workers are trained to deal with the highly specialized needs of Cancer patients (of every stripe) and their caregivers. Talking with them isn't like "regular therapy" and should help your husband to vent his anger (at someone other than you, family and friends) and perhaps allow you to enjoy each other's company. I'd recommend that you see/speak to a counselor as well so you can deal with your issues as a caregiver before you get burnt out.

      Whether or not you're religious isn't an issue, but whether you belong to a religious community may ease things as well for both of you. Contacting your clergyperson at this time seems like an excellent course of action. Many of them have served as hospital chaplains at one time or another and certainly all have dealt with ill congregants. Also if you aren't religious in any fashion, it might be helpful to contact the local Unitarian Universalist Minister (their congregations are not necessarily "religious" in the typical sense). If you have difficulty finding the local one you can go online to their website which is wwwdotuuadotorg. Their headquarters is in Boston.

      As for friends, I would put your questions to the Social Worker at CancerCare and ask them how friends should deal with your husband. Since they're professionals in the field, they can offer a much more adequate response than I certainly can (I'm a Librarian with a Master's degree - I don't have all the answers, I just know where to refer people (hopefully).

      I hope what I've suggested eases your burden just a little bit. If there's anything else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. Message me here or email me offsite.

      Warm wishes,

      over 3 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      Anger is a natural reaction. That said, it sounds like your DH is having issues dealing with his emotions in a proactive way. Speak with his oncology team and/or a social worker at the center where he is being treated, and ask if they can recommend a therapist that specializes in treating cancer patients. I did that last year, and was referred to a program where I'm being treated. I found it very helpful in dealing with my cancer/treatment related issues. I also got a Pharma consult and am on low levels of xanx and lexapro to help keep me on a more even keel.

      over 3 years ago

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