I can understand how his actions might be affecting a 13 year old girl. Going from being the apple of daddy's eye to be almost verbally abused. It's a big shock to the system! And she's at an age where she gets it, but she's still partially a little girl. And even w/out dad getting sick and acting differently, there are LOTS of changes going on w/her ANYWAY. I think seeing a counselor or therapist is a great idea. I know some of the hospital groups around here also have support groups for kids whose lives are touched by cancer. I know you are sorta a ways from the Cinci area & the Dayton area, but do I remember that they have opened a couple of hospitals south of Dayton? Just a thought. If you go up to the RESOURCES tab at the top of the page, you can find all sorts of stuff that might help your family through this difficult time. I hope all 3 of you are able to stay strong. Has he thought about seeing anyone? A therapist or support group may help him w/displaced anger. I understand why he's mad, but his family didn't do it. Hugs from Columbus.
Laryngeal and Hypopharyngeal Cancer Questions
Asked by Gray on Friday, May 3, 2013
On top of that depression I notice anger issues toward me and our daughter, she is 13. Mostly I just deal with it and move on, but it does upset me but what upsets me most is the anger he shows toward our daughter. Our daughter feels like she isn't as close to her dad as she used to be and whenever they talk he seems to put her down (he does this to me too, but I'm a big girl I can take it, does it hurt my feelings...yes... But I just over look it and move on. But my daughter is another story...me and my daughter have talked about this and I tell her her daddy is very proud of her (she is such a good kid, she has always talked to me about things and I know this is really bothering her, she wants to see a counselor and I'm trying to find 1 for her through the school. I just try to explain to her that things will get better. I feel Ike all of us are out of sink with each other at times... We have good days too, just things I've noticed. Staying strong in the Burg.
3 Answers from the Community
I would tell your husband in plain and clear language of your concerns in regard to how he is treating your daughter. Remind him that this isn't just about him. Then go to her school and impress on the guidance counselor how important it is to find someone for her to talk to. There must be some sort of support available. Ask at your husband's center if they have any support for children of patients. Also check out any services in your area that are aimed at helping troubled teens. I realize your daughter doesn't fit this category, but they might be able to point you in the direction of a service that can help.
I would also tell his team and ask for their advice.
While going through my treatment, I had periods of anger. It may have seemed to be directed at those around me, but I realize it was more about the situation I was in and facing. I know my caregiver has been my best friend and supporter, but it was just as tough for her. Part of my anger may have been a defense mechanism, pushing away those who were closest because I didn't want to see them hurt any more than they had been(by my illness). I started to do better once I found a reason to have hope. I had to focus on the future, not where I was.i feel for you and your daughter. Hopefully you and your family can find a way to get through this. I agree, your husband needs some straight talk, let him know how his anger is affecting those around him. Perhaps it will get him to open up about the real concerns he is facing.