• Anybody out there tonight?

    Asked by Bengal on Monday, November 18, 2019

    Anybody out there tonight?

    Feeling very down and isolated tonight. Just need to be reminded I'm not alone. And to anybody else who has similar thoughts, I'm thinking of you as well.

    23 Answers from the Community

    23 answers
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      Lots of us out here. If we think about it, at some level we are never alone - we only feel alone. Ah, but we've all been mislead by our feelings. Have confidence that many are with you - more than you know, and that if tonight does not go well, tomorrow dawns as new hope.

      I have lit a candle, the universal sign of prayer, for you.

      27 days ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      I remember feeling the same way. I did chemo during the winter, flu and cold season. So unless I was going to the doctor or hospital, I was in my room, watching snow fall. It was bad.
      Things to do to get you feeling better, at least a little bit. I watched The Big Bang Theory, the Brady bunch, and other comedies on tv. Coloring can help relax your stress. I also knit and crochet and I made several scarves during the winter. Read some good books, holiday themed or not.
      I'm now a seven year survivor. It's not easy but I made it through.
      I recently had a knee replacement surgery on November 1st. Haven't seen my granddaughters for 17 days now because they have had foods and I don't want to get a cold because it could lead to infection in the knee joint. My daughter has been sending me pictures which helps. I still miss them so much!
      All we can do is take things one day at a time. Hugs as you go through this time.

      27 days ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN (Best Answer!)

      I know that feeling of being alone. I have had that before even though I might be standing in a building with a hundred people in it. Mostly from thinking that I am the only person that is going through what I am at the moment. But of course, I'm not, nor are you. But if you need to get assurance, all you have to do is what you did, reach out. I hope you get past this feeling of being alone!

      27 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      Thanks, guys. Always good to know you're out there. Appreciate your thoughts

      27 days ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      Hi, Bengal! That alone feeling - I get it, too. I hate it. I might look for something light on TV or call a friend - whatever works. We’re here for you. Sending you a big hug.

      27 days ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      I'm glad you found this site. It's full of wonderful people in the same boat. And it's a good place to vent, ask questions, and read about how other people handle things. Hugs.

      26 days ago
    • ChildOfGod4570's Avatar
      ChildOfGod4570

      Oh, how well I remember those lonely days while going through chemo. For some reason I didn't feel as bad during radiation or post surgery. I had chemo in the summer and fall of 2013, and parties and picnics were a rarity indeed. Fresh fruit? Forget it; that's a no no when you have had neutropenia. I had days where I felt ugly and only wanted someone to come over and keep me company. I longed for a close friend or family member to just wrap their arms around me and hold me. I know how it is to feel like you are the only one going through a cancer journey. Your head says others are going through it, but when you don't have any of those patients around you, it's easy to feel like you are the chosen one to join the club nobody wants to be in. It's easy to focus on the physical treatments, but emotions get put on the back burner. Our bodies are going through something we would never have wanted, and we have just about every teardrop or tantrum inside of us that needs to be addressed lest it fester and overshadow us. This is exactly why I think emotional support ***MUST*** be added to every patient's treatment plan!!! HUGS and God bless.

      26 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      Again, thanks everyone. I actually slept well last night (after a xanax) but also, having heard from some of you, I was able to put some things in perspective. I live alone, which I ike, but sometimes there's a little bit too much "alone" and knowing I can reach out to you guys lessens that feeling. I have a follow-up on Wednesday and it's a "decision time" event and I cannot yet get to a definitive answer to the question hanging over me. As you all know, those times can set off all kinds of feelings, fears, doubts and yet more questions. Quality of life in the here and now versus hypothetical future recurrances. Did I mention, I hate this $&& "&&*" disease ?

      26 days ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      We all hate this blasted disease!

      26 days ago
    • andreacha's Avatar
      andreacha

      Bengal - I'm so sorry for the way you've been feeling. I can relate, like most of us. I live alone too and, like you, I like that but every once in a while I get lonely too. I have a daughter that lives in the same town but on the other side. I'm lucky if I see her once every 2-3 weeks. She does, however, call every night. My biggest problem is that I do not have a car. I have a valid license but no car. I have to rely on our senior shuttle and it's horrible when you have to make appointments at certain times and it interferes with the doctor's schedule. I call a friend every once in a while to cheer me up. I have good memories with a lot of them and we always wind up laughing. I like to read mysteries and sometimes do that. I like crafty things and when I feel up to it and stop feeling sorry for myself every once in a while I like to make silk floral arrangements as gifts. Do you have any hobbies? If not I would suggest that you find something to occupy your mind when you get to feeling lonely. Please know that you have many friends on this site and don't hesitate to vent if you feel like it. You have my prayers for your follow-up and the decisions you have to make. Check in with us again after your follow-up if you feel like talking. We are here for you.

      26 days ago
    • ChildOfGod4570's Avatar
      ChildOfGod4570

      I too live on my own, and I like it most of the time; however, when I was going through the cancer journey, I was very lonely. Thank God for crafting, computers, and Little House/Waltons reruns! HUGS and God bless.

      25 days ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Hi, Bengal. I just saw your post and want to send you hugs and good wishes for your follow-up.

      25 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      All your comments are so appreciated. I do have distractions. I read alot. I watch WAY too much TV. I like Big Bang, interesting music related stuff on AXS TV, some version of Law and Order is always on somewhere, try to avoid too much news, I have enough stress and anxiety without it I have my old horse. She forces me to get up each morning and face the day. Great anxiety reducer. I visit my mother several times a week. Her struggle to face life after a crippling stroke can really put things in perspective. I swim three afternoons a week. But even with all this, as I'm sure many of you are familiar, the nasty thoughts still have a way of sneaking in. Having folks who've been there: who are there right now, to bounce things off is truly a blessing. Thanks to all.

      25 days ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Good luck tomorrow, Bengal. I'll be remembering you in my prayers as you make the hard decision.

      25 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      I cancelled my appointment this morning. I found my beautiful, loving, there for me when nobody else was, Ginger cat dead on the side of the road this morning. Talk about a kick in the gut when you're already down. Just couldn't face talking to the oncologist today. Sometimes life just plain sucks! Just last night before I let him outside I hugged Ginger and told him I didn't know how I could cope without him, I loved him and be safe. %"%'%&$"'$&&%!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      24 days ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      Oh, Bengal, I am *so* sorry. That is so sad. Was he older or ?? I’m just so sorry. This on top of everything else... Sending you a warm hug.

      24 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      Thanks, Bug. No, he was only about 2 years old so I expected to have him around for many more years. He came to me as a stray when he was little more than a kitten. I fed him, I guess he attached to me as his "mom" because we really bonded. He must have been hit by something. Crap.

      24 days ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Bengal, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.

      24 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      I've always been an advocate of the value of our pets in helping get through the ordeals of treatment, recovery, lingering long term side effects and just all the "stuff" life throws at us in general. I just lost a very valuable piece of my support system. I am broken hearted. I think from here on out I'll just stick to stuffed animals.

      21 days ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Bengal, I keep thinking of you and Ginger. I know you’ll never be able to replace him, but I hope you eventually find another cat to fill at least some of the space he’s left (maybe another ginger — aren’t they known to be especially loving?). I dote on my stuffed boys, but, weird as I try to be, even *I* know they’re no substitute for animals that can move on their own (please don’t tell this to my boys — well, there’s no way you can). I wish we could all turn the clock back a week or so. Sending hugs -

      21 days ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      Bengal, your last post reminds me of myself. We have lost a couple of animals and as I sat there sobbing I told my husband, "No more! Never again! I can't take this!" He said he understood but also felt that he'd rather have the love, affection, enjoyment and happiness that they bring than never to have had all of that by not having a pet. We eventually got another pet. And, indeed, I can't imagine not having this little guy (the dog that is my avatar) in our lives. I'm sending very best wishes for your broken heart and hugs.

      21 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      Carool, I have a bunch of stuffed animal friends as well. I talk to them all the time. Some of them have taken turns going with me to ALL my chemo and radiation treatments (although they were not allowed to go into the radiation chamber) my follow-up and other doctor appointments. Get strange looks sometimes but most folks were understanding. We need to get support wherever we can find it. You mentioned "weird" but how about this? When I talk to them they answer me back. We have conversations. Oh, and I'm the "normal" one in my family!

      20 days ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Bengal, hahaha! It’s great that your stuffed animals have reached the level of development at which they actually talk! My dog, Wook, can only whimper and bark, but he can do tricks (throw him and he sometimes lands on his feet). My other two animals are silent but very supportive.

      And why would anyone give you strange looks for having them accompany you to your exams or chemo?

      Your family sounds very interesting. LOL.

      And I know my dog gives me good luck so I always kiss his nose before leaving the house, especially before medical tests or exams. Hugs, Carool

      20 days ago

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