• Anyone having difficulty isolating from family?

    Asked by Jayne on Tuesday, May 19, 2020

    Anyone having difficulty isolating from family?

    I'm struggling trying to be the caretaker for my 89 yo mother and 96 yo step-dad. I've been arranging for grocery deliveries and even managed to get some plants delivered since I know how much my mom loves to garden. Yet, all she does is complain that she would not have selected that tomato, or that plant, etc. She got herself a mask and is out doing her own thing, even though I've explained to her over and over that she and I are BOTH high risk. She is because of her age, and I am because I had the lobe of my right lung removed. I don't even want to be near her because of her exposure to everything and everyplace and when I do, she gets upset because I wear a mask as if I think she is contaminated (of course I do!). I hate how this virus is affecting the older folks. I think she is just so overwhelmed that she's going to just keep doing what she has always done and hope for the best. How do I keep myself safe from my own mother? It's saddens me so.

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • andreacha's Avatar
      andreacha

      I lost my Mom a long time ago - 70s. She was only 63. My Dad lived until he was 91 and was still sharp as a tack. You are almost in an impossible situation. I'm sure you love your Mom and Dad very much. The frustration with Mom can make you feel guilty when you have difficulty getting along with one another. You know exactly how she can be at times and it's easy to get infuriated. Let her rant about your mask and agree with her always (but keep on wearing the mask). Hopefully, she'll get tired of you agreeing with her. Sometimes a person can be very cruel to another and not even know. Try to remember happy times you had in the past with her and, as sad as it is, realize she'll never be that person again. I wish you only the very best with her, but more importantly your Cancer. You cannot let yourself get run down and not take decent care of yourself. I pray that you have back up assistance with their care. It's too much for you alone. Are their any Caregiver support groups in the area?

      6 days ago
    • Jayne's Avatar
      Jayne

      Thank you all for your insight and thoughts - they are most appreciated and have also helped me put things in perspective. While she may be difficult and forgetful, she is still with me and for that, I should be more grateful (and less cranky). I think that's called an attitude adjustment. :-)

      6 days ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      I agree that the early stage dementia makes it a different ballgame. I feel for you. I like the idea of a caregiver support group. Maybe your doctor - or your mother's doctor - can help you locate a group. And, yes, I think most of us need attitude adjustments sometimes but please don't discount your feelings and struggles. What you're going through is real and you need support. Hugs to you. BTW, I'm glad you wear your mask around your mom.

      4 days ago

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