• as a spouse finding out my husband has cancer what can i do to make it easier for him as hes more worried about me and i'm not the one s

    Asked by dcfitz on Friday, January 18, 2013

    as a spouse finding out my husband has cancer what can i do to make it easier for him as hes more worried about me and i'm not the one s

    10 Answers from the Community

    10 answers
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      Educate yourself about his cancer.
      Communicate openly and with 100% honesty
      Let him know you are ready, willing, and able to help in anyway you can, but don't push it.

      almost 4 years ago
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar

      Looks like we lost part of your question but I think I've got it. I've said this many times on here, I think at times cancer is harder on the caregiver than it is on the patient. As a caregiver, you just have to be as supportive as you can. Listen to your husband, he will do a lot of directing. I know my wife did quite a few things for me behind the scenes. This is when he will need you the most.

      almost 4 years ago
    • TinaJacques' Avatar

      I see that the type of lymphoma that your husband was diagnosed with is NHL which is the type that I was diagnosed with as well. I want to give you the link to my blog because I started it when I first got sick and the only thing I write about is my journey with cancer so you might find it helpful. www.larrythelymphoma.com

      As far as what you can do for your husband... Just listen to his fears/his hopes/whatever he's feeling, but if he doesn't want to talk about it in that moment, don't force him to. Make sure that you still treat him like your husband. Remember that he is more than his illness. Validate how he is feeling. This is not an easy journey. The chemo will wipe him out. Allow him to rest when he's feeling drained.

      There's a contact button on my blog so you can email me directly if you want to get in touch. Also, if you are on facebook, I would recommend looking up the "lymphoma and Hodgkin's disease awareness and survivor's club". It's an excellent group of care givers and survivors. I have made so many friends on that club.

      Good luck with everything!

      almost 4 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      3 great answers, all saying things I would recommend. Other things you can do is line up back-up caregivers so that you don't burn out and are there to support your husband. Find out what help he needs, and honor his request. As a patient I know that I worry about the burden I am putting on my DH, and we try to work together to make things less stressful for both of us.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      As a NHL patient myself, I have found that I need my wife to help, but it hasn't been a lot. Mainly, she's just there for me when she can be (she has a job, too) and has picked me up at the hospital several times. I try not to be a burden on her but I appreciate it when she's there.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      It is natural for him to worry about you. I wiorry about the toll my cancer takes on my wife and it is often harder on her than it is on me. You can try to reassure him that you are doing fine but he will probably see it when you aren't. If you have fears and questions about what is going on talk with him about that. Go to the Dr appointments with him and ask your questions to the Drs. Be sure to take care of your self and don't ignor your own health as it will be harder for him to deal with you being sick while he is fighting cancer. Good Luck!!!

      almost 4 years ago
    • packerbacker's Avatar

      There is a lot of great advice given here. I constantly worry about the toll my cancer has taken on my husband. He does so much for me and scolds me when he thinks I'm doing too much. Take care of yourself so you can be there for him when he really needs your help, Let him help when he feels up to it. Please be honest about your concerns for him and for the 2 of you. This has all helped bring me closer to my husband with an open line of communication. I wish you all the best!

      almost 4 years ago
    • SpunkyS's Avatar

      In addition to the other answers I would add to take care of yourself, including taking time away from him. I gave my sister a "day off" once a week during the hardest times. And would tell her she was "dismissed" for a few hours every day. It made life better for both of us. Other people would fill in if needed. It gave both of us space and time for her to do something that refreshed her.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Carol-Charlie's Avatar

      My husbands tears the night of my diagnosis were the most pain I suffered with my cancer. I could not tell him everything would be fine. I wanted to, but.... I was Stage IV Ovarian Cancer... That was 7 years ago and I'm Cancer Free now for almost that long. My husband was there for me, he was tender and loving, He worked full time, he did the housework... he cooked he was there in all ways. Sometimes as he'd be holding me at night, I'd laugh and say "Boy, when you said "In sickness and in health" you didn't realize what you were saying???? He told me he'd do it again. I've been blessed with the right man. You sound like you're the same.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      If I read your question and profile correctly, this is all new to both of you and he hasn't started treatment. At this point, let him worry and fret over you, work to prepare you both for the road ahead. It makes him feel a little more in control and useful while he worries about becoming a burden and also distracts him from the fear he is feeling. He needs to feel needed, busy and important right now because he has had his footing shaken. Feeling "normal" will help him beat this as much as anything. There will be time enough later when he has to depend on you so let him build up some bank in advance. Also, respect him and don't talk about him in the future tense as helpless. He is fearing that enough. Most important, sort out any money details now. This will prove to be a bigger stress-er for both of you than the cancer if its not.

      almost 4 years ago

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