• As ther spouse of a cancer patient, have you ever felt that you are not the one he/she would choose as the main support person or caregiver?

    Asked by Queen_Tatiana on Monday, October 22, 2012

    As ther spouse of a cancer patient, have you ever felt that you are not the one he/she would choose as the main support person or caregiver?


    4 Answers from the Community

    4 answers
    • Kathy's Avatar

      I am the cancer patient and my husband is my most important caregiver probably mostly in the emotional sense. He gets busy with work and its nice to get help with that from others then him. Hope this kind of helped.

      over 8 years ago
    • IKickedIt's Avatar

      I don't think we can ever anticipate how anyone is going to react in this situation. When I was diagnosed, my husband and I chose not to tell anyone until after I had received all of my test results. During those two excruciating weeks before we told our children and parents, we spent a lot of time behind closed doors crying and trying to plan out and even predict how our loved ones would respond and the roles they would play. We thought we had it all figured out. In the long run, we were totally wrong!

      We thought my husband would be the strongest one afterall he was the adult, most mature and experienced. He fell apart and really, really struggled. So, I chose him and we both expected him to be that primary caregiver, but he couldn't handle the stress; it was simply too much for him to juggle everything. I ended up seeking support for him from friends. I kept pushing him out the door so he could get my problems off his mind for his sanity! I did that for him, not for me.

      Our youngest son, who is a self-professed Mama's boy, was the most amazing caregiver and we had predicted he was going to need the most support. Turns out, he held our family together!

      Also, there is no way to determine exactly what type of care (emotionally or physically) the patient is going to need. It was as though I was a different person when I was going through chemo. Normally, I'm a very sensitive and emotional person who is completely unselfish, but while I was on chemo, I was emotionally detached (strictly focused on one goal - doing whatever I had to do to get better) and more self-absorbed than I had ever been in my life.

      A year later and cancer-free, our family is incredibly happy and strong and hopefully, we will never have to go through that again. I hope your family will weather this storm with relative ease and comfort and return to happier and healthier days very soon!

      over 8 years ago
    • myb's Avatar

      My husband stepped up to the plate and was a phenomenal support person for me when I got diagnosed with cancer. He went to every appointment with me and helped me to decide on where to go, surgeon and chemo treatments. He became my personal chauffeur. He would bake fresh milled corn bread for me to entice me to eat during chemo treatments.

      over 8 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      I can see how this might come across to a care-giver even if it's the farthest thing from the patient's mind.

      1. You are the one he feels comfortable with. He has to show a brave face to everyone else. But he really feels awful and doesn't hide it from you.

      2. A lot of men don't like to be helpless. They sometimes show resentment towards those they are dependent on and don't really mean it.

      3. It is kind of a joke in my family that calling me a "patient" is an oxymoron.

      4. My grandfather had colon cancer 60 years ago. I don't really remember him. Photos show an old man glowering at the camera. In the only photo of him with me he seems to be glaring at this strange creature deposited on his lap. I wonder if it wasn't the cancer staring out of his eyes.

      I suspect he loves you and needs you. He may have trouble expressing it.

      over 8 years ago

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