• Asking the "Dreaded Question"

    Asked by NAN67 on Thursday, November 14, 2013

    Asking the "Dreaded Question"

    My husband has decided he's going to tackle the most difficult question of all..."How long do I have based on my diagnosis and results?" It's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, he feels the "need to know". Yet, on the other, do we really "want to know"? I understand that its a ballpark figure and gives an approximate amount of time to "finish making arrangements". However, he's a fighter with Stage IV RCC! I'm just hoping he doesn't use this as his own personal monitor of survival!

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • ladyhawk's Avatar


      over 6 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      Its a hard one to comment on because we all react in different ways and often there is no indicator of which way we will go. I asked this at the first onc meeting. He tried not to answer but I'm a very take charge, don't want to be surprised type of guy. I got my answer (which is far from definite, but gave me an idea of what the doctors expect---so far I'm not behaving as they expected, which is what I expected......) but it WAS just that much more information I needed to make decisions. As long as he can mostly not take it as an expiration date, but as useful information, he should be fine. Doctors don't know everything, especially our final breath unless its within the next few minutes and sometimes not even then. We all need to remember that.

      over 6 years ago
    • Mramdiv's Avatar

      Go ahead and make arrangements. I did too. But so do many other people, just to make life easier on your family whenever the time comes. My oncologist told me he expected me to die within 18 months. That was15 years ago. I really don't think there is any advantage to asking that question if you have an agenda in mind. Do your planning and then live life to the fullest.

      over 6 years ago

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