• Being Cancer shamed by a stage 4 vs me being stage 1?

    Asked by Statto on Thursday, February 22, 2018

    Being Cancer shamed by a stage 4 vs me being stage 1?

    I had a recent incident that completely shook me, so I am posing the question here, this seems like the best place to get feedback.

    I recently celebrated 6 years post double masectomy. I was stage 1, lumps in both breasts with 8 rounds of chemo. I rarely do this but put a celebratory message on my FB page. 1 of my friends mentioned how my Positive attitude helped me recover.

    A recent acquaintance of mine that is stage 4 Metastasized breast cancer jumped all over the comment of my friend taking it to mean that I cured myself with a positive attitude. Not AT ALL what was meant.

    Some back and forth ensued between her and myself, and her disdain for stage 1 breast cancer patients, and the lack of understanding and hurtfulness that she seemed to experience. On her FB post she went on to post a long message about it, with other subsequent messages of "idiots, uneducated, etc."

    I was SHOCKED and floored, I didn't realize there was a heirachy or such a divide. Looking for feeback?

    52 Answers from the Community

    52 answers
    • SpecialT's Avatar
      SpecialT

      I am a stage 4 survivor. Compared to some of the complications my friends of 'lower stages' experienced, I often feel like my bout was just a bump in the road next to theirs. I was relieved when treatment was over and excited to make the most of my second chance. I expected other cancer survivors to be the same way. But what I found was that if a person was miserable before cancer, curing the cancer is not necessarily a cure for a bad attitude. Just like treatment, we all react differently.

      over 3 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      SpecialT, I totally agree with you, and I've had two primaries.

      over 3 years ago
    • DonnainRI's Avatar
      DonnainRI

      SpecialT that is a very good point. There's a misconception that anyone that's survived cancer is thrilled with life but that's not true.

      over 3 years ago

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