• Being Open to Suggestions

    Asked by legaljen1969 on Thursday, September 24, 2020

    Being Open to Suggestions

    We all know that once people know we have cancer, there is no end to the advice we get whether welcome or unwelcome, whether we pay a professional or ask a website, whether it comes from Aunt Judy's friend who grows daisies in organic soil or our super skeptical neighbor who eats 15 chili dogs a day.
    It's hard when we ask for advice and answers and what we learn is not what we hoped to learn or it isn't what we wanted to hear. I hope this is not what drove off one of our valued members. I have experienced compassion and kindness on this site almost all of the time. Those things that may have seemed unkind are things that, in retrospect, I was receiving with a negative or a "can't" mindset. They were truths I wasn't ready to absorb. Maybe I felt like the advice was not what I was seeking, but it was still good advice.
    If you ask for help or suggestions, try to be open to whatever comes your way. Use what you can and scroll on by the things that don't work for you.

    4 Answers from the Community

    4 answers
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      A very common human trait is to seek fellow travelers along this lonely journey. "Have you had this type of tumor in that body part?" "Did this or that drug work?" "Is there anyone who has gone into remission, had it come back, get treated again, then go on watch and wait..." etc. All very understandable, but the risk is that the poster is essentially looking for their identical twin. And, with drug or drug regimen effectiveness, you risk hearing from a patient who had a horrible response or worse, from a family member of someone who passed away. It is truly a double-edged sword.

      about 1 month ago
    • JaneA's Avatar
      JaneA

      Very true. Patient's reactions to treatments is all over the place - few side effects to having to stop treatment due to side effects. Recurrence vs NED. I try not to scare anyone, but I try to be realistic too.

      about 1 month ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      I don't know what I would have done if, back in 2008, they would have said, "In the long run, rounded off from 1%, your chance of surviving is zero."
      Southern rock group Molly Hatchet sang a song entitled "Beating the Odds"
      Well, someone has to!

      about 1 month ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I'm so sorry to read that one of our valued members felt they didn't like what they were seeing here and left because of it. My personal opinion is that everyone here has their own opinions ... and that's what they are ... opinions or personal experiences - which are just that - personal experiences. My personal experiences don't translate to anyone else's but they often are the basis for my opinions. (Count the number of times opinion was used in this paragraph. I need a thesaurus!!!)

      I think sometimes we don't read a comment with the same tone as the person who posted it wrote it ... it is a problem with anything like this that relies solely on what is written. I know I have written things that people have found offensive and I was amazed because I wrote it to be helpful and not offensive at all. The person on the other end read it in a way that I did not intend.
      I am certain I have done the same thing ... and was offended when no offense was intended by the other person.

      about 1 month ago

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