• Can anyone lend advice as to how to reconnect with your spouse post-treatment? How do you find time to connect if you have young children and feel that you need to focus on yourself so that you can stay well? I feel like my time is spent on staying well

    Asked by copland16 on Thursday, February 16, 2012

    Can anyone lend advice as to how to reconnect with your spouse post-treatment? How do you find time to connect if you have young children and feel that you need to focus on yourself so that you can stay well? I feel like my time is spent on staying well

    We are new parents of a 9 month old and had the craziest year of our life (my pregnancy and cancer diagnosis happened simultaneously). We both work full-time and are struggling to find the time to connect with each other. Would love to hear suggestions. My husband lost his mother to lung cancer in August and is stressed and miserable...I don't know how to help him.

    4 Answers from the Community

    4 answers
    • leepenn's Avatar
      leepenn

      Oh man - I cannot even imagine what it would be like to go through diagnosis while pregnant... SOOOOOOOOOO hard!

      Do you have family / friends who can care for your baby for a bit? If you're not up for going out... maybe they can take your baby out and about for a while, and you and your spouse can order in something delicious? Maybe watch a movie... Maybe just play cards? Maybe just hang out on the couch?

      I remember one of my good days... I had just dropped our son off for an overnight birthday party... and I called my sweetie and asked her what she might like to have for dinner.... She wanted take-out thai. I asked her to call in the order... and I picked it up and brought it home to her. We had a really lovely time eating thai food and then watching some cheesy movie that she picked out. It was a good good evening.

      Good luck... It's already hard to be all connected with a new baby. Adding the cancer diagnosis and his experience with his mom and your experience with the treatment - that's a quintuple whammy!

      In the end, I think it's the small stuff that helps the most... Just a few hours here and there...

      about 5 years ago
    • Cath1953's Avatar
      Cath1953

      Time it right when the baby is in bed for the night order out and have a candle light dinner. Also watch a movie you been waiting to see. You can sit on the coach together and talk. My husband and I became very close after I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. Friends were with us. we just talked alone. Are kids are grown up so it was a little easier fo us.

      about 5 years ago
    • copland16's Avatar
      copland16

      leepenn and Cath1953 thanks for responding! Sorry it took me so long to respond (I just worked the last 8 days in a row and I've been trying to focus less on the computer and more on my hubby). We had been floundering and then got in a little bit of a tif and then bam we are back on track again.
      My hubby decided to focus on his health and is committed to exercising and eating better. I'm so proud of him. I have been on the health and fitness journey since November.
      We had a date night (my dad took the baby overnight) which was great. For a solid week we have been taking the time to connect daily even if it's a little text, or phone call, or an occassional dinner together when the baby lets us.
      Our date night did not include Thai but our next one will...that's our favorite eat-in food.

      almost 5 years ago
    • danellsar's Avatar
      danellsar

      Copland- My husband and I have 2 kids, and we've struggle a lot since his diagnosis. Partly it's because he's so depressed and hopeless a lot. Partly because I'm totally overwhelmed with being a caregiver and a mom and working.

      I think whatever you can do to keep yourselves "on the radar". The calls and texts are a great idea. Having someone take the baby for a night out, or a night in. A hug. A backrub. It's the little things that will help carry you through. Mostly, take the time to listen to him and his feelings, too.
      Ellen

      almost 5 years ago

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