• Cancer jokes

    Asked by Peroll on Thursday, September 6, 2012

    Cancer jokes

    I like to deal with difficult thing like cancer with humor. Since I have been fighting cancer for 8 years I could use some new jokes to tell the chemo nurses, so please share your best joke. To start it off; When I first started chemo I told my Oncologist I wanted the kind of chemo that gave me a Mohawk (hairdo) but instead I got male pattern baldness, which is the opposite of a Mohawk.

    25 Answers from the Community

    25 answers
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Some people don't think it's funny, me..like you I like to make the best out of it. So while I'm going through it I will say whatever comes to mind to lighten up the situation. The nurses have a hard job, bless their heart, dealing with person after person. So I like to liven them up. Now jokes, chemo made me so I cant remember their names, much less a joke. I'm sure others here have some good ones.
      Welcom to the site!

      over 8 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      IMO, having a sense of humor and telling tasteless jokes about a subject which is inherently not funny are two completely different things. Your oncologist and chemo nurses may politely chuckle over your jokes but don't mistake that with them actually finding them amusing. I would recommend you focus more on your own natural sense of humor rather than building a repertoire of somebody else's stand up material.

      over 8 years ago
    • lynn1950's Avatar

      I think having and telling jokes is a good idea. When my students asked me what they could do for me, I asked them to send me jokes!... " that laughter was the best medicine." I don't have any good jokes to share with you, but bless you for wanting to brighten someone's day!

      over 8 years ago
    • karenp's Avatar

      Awesome! I can tell you that every time I went for treatment, I had saved up some material to walk in with. I really felt that I got through it much easier with a positive attitude, which was energized by finding humor in each day. I'm glad you are focusing your energy on gathering material. My worst fear about losing my hair was that people would see me and be sad for me. I am happy to report that this was not the case. Last year I started the school year while I was finishing chemo and had lost my hair. I had fun with it. No hats, no wigs, no scarves. Just my bald head at school every day. The students loved it. This year on Day 2, the principal said, "did we survive Day 2?" I said to a room full of co-workers, "I'm just happy I still have my hair." of course I wasn't thinking about my bald principal. Oops! It has been the joke ever since. I don't have any good lines for you, just my vote for you to keep it up. It's better for you than all the medications we take now! Have fun!

      over 8 years ago
    • joyce's Avatar

      Sometimes funny jokes (used with the right audience so no one's feelings get hurt) are just what the doctor ordered. There's a lot of research on laughter helps healing and health in general, so in say go for it! If you google 'cancer jokes' you'll be amazed at what you find. Some are awful, vut some are right on target.

      over 8 years ago
    • Kristinaako's Avatar

      Watch a "Big C" - I loved it! My friend ,who turned 45 yesterday had a pump for 2 days( 5 fu treatments ,chemo all day and then pump for 48 hours) and while celebrating,there were many very unorthodox suggestions what alcoholic beverages we could possibly get " the pump" to pump;-)
      I thought it was funny how light hearted his attitude was towards spending special day in a hospital. One of the nurses asked him if he wants birthday spanking;-)

      over 8 years ago
    • kbarkley's Avatar

      Unfortunately I do not have any jokes for you at this time. When my late husband went through his battle with brain cancer 26 years ago we always dealt with it with humor and positive thinking. We called it "tumor humor"!! This definitely help him out-live his prognosis(he survived 7 years!! and was only expected to live 3). Now I am dealing with thyroid cancer and am continuing with the "tumor humor" and positive thinking. Best of luck on your journey and continue with your humor and stay positive!!!

      over 8 years ago
    • mgm48's Avatar

      I always tell jokes but I tend to avoid cancer jokes because I never know who is in the next chair. I wouldn't want to upset or offend anyone. I do however always point out my foibles in a humorous way. Especially those things I either do or don't do because of "chemo brain" When you face this disease with a smile it makes it easier for everyone.

      Keep it positive and smile :)

      over 8 years ago
    • attypatty's Avatar

      Dear Peroll:
      My health care provider (an HMO) gives newly diagnosed survivors a group "visit", where a group of 4-6 patients hear from an oncologist, a radiation oncologist, a P.A., a surgeon, and some onc nurses, who explain, in turn, the various treatment options. After explaining each "therapy", the presenter would ask if there were any questions. We learned about chemotherapy - and many questions followed. Then radiation therapy, and more questions. Then hormone therapy - still more questions. Everyone in the room had questions, except me. After going through all this information, one nurse looked at me and said: "You haven't asked any questions yet. Don't you have any questions?" I said, "Yes, but I am waiting until you get to retail therapy." It definitely alleviated some of the tension.
      FIght On,

      over 8 years ago
    • avonlea02's Avatar

      I did not tell jokes when I went for my chemo - just finished 8th and final on 8.31!! BUT I found that whenever I went in for my infusions, I had "silly" visualizations - funny scenarios that truly helped me to keep it as light as I could. I pictured the bad cancer cells like drunk frat boys at a pool hall, trying to catch the waitresses. My "good guys" fighting cancer were silly, too - in a way. I have always loved Jeff Dunham's puppets - Jeff is an amazing ventriloquist and so funny! So, I pictured his "Melvin the Superhero" charging up my "Normandy Beach" (saying, "Ta Ta Ta DAAAA"). Behind him, swimming up to the beach were the Big Bang Theory gang in their superhero outfits, tripping over their capes, sand in their eyes...but ultimately reaching the pool hall to confront those Nasty Cancer losers. Of course, those frat boys NEVER took them seriously and laughed at them derisively. BUT. We all know that brains wins out in the end, and I would imagine how stunned those cancer cells were to find that, low and behold, the smart (and somewhat silly) guys WIN in the end.

      I also imagined a scene from "Space Balls". Pizza the Hut makes a "good" cancer blob. Each time I came up with another "silly visualization" and if I got a grin out of it, it was good enough for me. Each grin killed a cancer cell. Or 100 of them.

      When I would take my infusion pole with me from my room to the bathroom, or to take a walk and say hi to others (if they wanted to talk - some did!) - I would sing as I went down the hall, "Me and My Shadow"... or "Stand By Me" or whatever other silly song I could think of.

      Although my next course of treatment - or follow-up - is yet to be determined, as I am getting a PET scan next month to see - my doctor says I have done better than they expected me to, and that I may even be in remission now. I know without a doubt that my positive attitude, my LAUGHTER in the face of this devastating disease and refusal to allow it to sink my spirits - it has helped me to find joy (can you imagine?!) and an attitude I never knew I could have.

      Yup. Laughter, jokes, silliness - keep it in the mix. Yes, we all know the tears we shed. They are not funny. We know the fear. It is real. I am no Pollyanna. But I am determined not to give cancer the edge. If I can laugh in spite of cancer, and find that along the way, that laughter and light spirit are pushing it back, then I want to continue to do it. I cry when I need to. But I won't end on that cry if I can help it. I will try to wipe those tears with laughter and all the hugs I can find!

      over 8 years ago
    • akristine's Avatar

      After overcoming the depression that resulted from my diagnosis, surgery and recovery, I brought a joke a day to my oncology caregivers and two on Fridays because we had weekends off from each other. Some were blonde jokes (I'm blonde so I can get away with telling them). They looked forward to hearing them and the women at the check-in counter would ask when I arrived. The people in the waiting area would overhear and smile. Some exchanged jokes with me. Then I started making up jokes while in the back waiting for treatment. The sign on the entrance read "Women's Changing Room." Several of us would be sitting together, some for chemo or radiation and some receiving both. I said, "You know, I come in here every day and leave exactly the same way. I don't change into anything. Maybe I'll be Glinda the Good Witch someday." The cabinet doors in the changing room were marked "Patient Gowns" and "Patient Blankets." I said, "You know, I want the Im-patient gown that jumps off the shelf and shouts, "Pick me! Pick me!"' OK, it was silly but the other women smiled and some giggled. I also mentioned the tattoos should be stars, not dots, and we could have our sign of the horoscope on the radiation area. They thought that was a pretty cool idea. Anyway, it doesn't work for everyone but it helped me get through the 45 treatments.

      over 8 years ago
    • SandiD's Avatar

      I asked my oncologist if I would be able to go running after I heal from treatment. She answered that I would be running in no time. I told her that was great because I could never run before treatment! She chuckled and it lightened the mood. :-)

      over 8 years ago
    • Madison's Avatar

      When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I thought I would never laugh again. I have found laughter again and it was from people on this website. So, God bless you, if you want to tell jokes, go for it. I think laughing helps to get through some really terrible times.

      over 8 years ago
    • yogurtqueen's Avatar

      It has been difficult on this journey... Sometimes I got to work just because I knew there was one girl there that always made me laugh. It helped! Somehow the girls at work came up with the name of "Steve" for my stoma. Steve the stoma. It became a joke and we have had some fun with it. "Hey, can Steve and I leave for lunch now?" or when I went on a plane somewhere and I was a little nervous as to if "Steve" would decide to fill my bag right before I got on the plane---I sat there coming up with jokes to bring back to work--- "Steve was really nervous about flying---at one point he thought he might throw up---but it was okay---he had his own bag with him! Or once someone swung around and knocked me in that area and I teased that they hit steve in the mouth..... maybe it sounds crazy to others, but it helps sometimes. Probably 2 of the funniest things and one when it wasn't such a funny time, is when I was being radiated and my rear was so sore. I walked into the place for treatment and the tech was taking me back and I started singing Johnny cash's song "Burn,burn burn, it's a burning ring of fire" and I told them the song totally took on new meaning to me! They laughed and laughed! On an ostomy website there was a lady speaking and she said, "it's not that bad having a bag----except you can't find shoes to match!----well you can but they look like crap! I don't know, I thought it was funny! I guess even crazy jokes to others are better than wanting to always cry!

      over 8 years ago
    • BruceInErwin's Avatar

      I love a good joke. I am HIV positive as well as having early Anal Cancer. I find that humour is the best way for me to deal with these diseases and it helps others become a little more comfortable with me and not feel like they have to walk on egg shell around me. I guess that for some off colour humour isn't very nice when talking about cancer or any other devastating disease. I say keep joking and laugh. I am proof that humour and laughter has helped me live longer.

      over 8 years ago
    • Reeses' Avatar

      I believe that having a sense of humor and being able to laugh at yourself and your situation is key to making the situation more comfortable for everyone. A lot of times when people find out about your illness (whatever it might be) they feel uncomfortable and just don't know how to respond. If you initiate the dialog with humor.and a positive attitude it puts others at ease and lets them know it is ok to talk about it.
      Also Peroll, in my opinion, for what it's worth, the best jokes are the ones you make up on the spur of the moment based on the situation at hand.
      Good luck to every one of you on your Journey. Keep laughing.

      over 8 years ago
    • Moonflay's Avatar

      "Laugh, and the world laughs with you:
      Weep, and you weep alone;
      For the sad old earth
      Must borrow its mirth,
      It has trouble enough of its own."

      First line from "Solitude," by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

      Good luck Peroll!!! If I come across some good cancer jokes, I'll be sure to drop them onto your wall :)
      Keep up the good fight!


      over 8 years ago
    • Fusionera's Avatar

      I've dealt with my brain tumor for 17 years with a really twisted sense of humor, and fortunately sometimes my treaters were in on it. I remember being in radiation therapy on Halloween day, and the radiation staff asked me if I wanted to take home my mask for that night and bring it back the next day when I had my next round. I told them that I didn't want to terrify the kids in my neighborhood. The only costume it would have been good for was "Jason the Brain Tumor Patient."

      One Christmas I rewrote all the lyrics to Santa Baby and in the title used the name of my oncologist at the time (e.g., Santa Johnson) . A friend from church played piano and I sang it (and yes I am a good singer). My poor oncologist was not expecting what was in that wrapped CD (I'm sure he thought I bought him something). The cover had his photo on it with a Santa hat photoshopped on top of his head, and the lyrics were on the back of the CD jacket. He listened to it and I could tell when certain lines of the song struck him...he was trying not to crack up. In the end he told me, "I like this rendition." I still wonder if he has the CD around his office somewhere.

      What do you expect from a woman who's had her head cut open a few times? ;-)

      over 8 years ago
    • Fusionera's Avatar

      I also had a few MRI scans that fell on Halloween, so you can imagine the fun I had with that! I showed up at my neuro-oncologist's office one Halloween as a Pin Cushion; my chemo at that time was a clinical trial in which I self-administered injections 3 times a week and had my blood drawn on a weekly basis. One of my girlfriends came with me to the appointment and walked in front of me into the N.O. office with a banner that said, "The Amazing Astounding Human Pin Cushion". The following year I showed up after my MRI in a formal dress and heels as The Queen of Temozolomide", complete with a sash across my dress that read "Temodar '06", just like a beauty pageant. My poor neuro-oncologist...having to deal with a BT patient like me. ;-)

      over 8 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      I think that being to laugh at your own cancer situation puts friends and family at ease--so they can ask the questions they have and talk freely without fear of hurting your feelings. So I laugh at myself all of the time. The day of my bilateral mastectomy, another doctor we know ran into my husband in the hospital lobby. When he learned I was a patient there, he came up to visit me. We talked for a while and he said, "I really like your attitude. You see the cup as being half full." I waited a moment, then told him, "Well---actually, NEITHER of my cups is full anymore!"

      Another time, I was getting into a gown for my breast surgeon check up and forgot I had stuffed my foam falsies into my shirt that day. One got away from me and rolled all the way across the room! I pretty much lost it then, LOL.

      Also--my hair is PINK and will be until I near my second chemo treatment. I figure then I'll shave it into a Mohawk, just for silliness' sake, before it all falls out. I have some tinsel wigs planned--a green one for Christmas and St. Patty's Day.

      Humor lets me express myself--if I didn't do or say these silly things, I would be angrier than )(#*)*% for getting cancer 2x in less than 10 years. :-) Laughing helps me deal with it!

      over 8 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      I have wondered how doctors pick thier speciality. Think about it would you rather be an Oncologist or what I would ratherbe an Offdutiest?

      over 8 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      Before one of my surgeries I was being wheeled into the newly remodeled operating room and noted that there were a couple of nice big flat panel monitors hanging on the walls. I looked at the surgeon and said to him "I hope you are not going to watch Judge Judy while operating on me." He looked at me with a straight face and said "No we are going to watch Jerry Springer." This is a true story!!!

      over 8 years ago
    • Beaner54's Avatar

      I would like to hear about your joureny Peroll but I am not able to find your "wall".
      Something has changed on this site.

      over 8 years ago
    • Floridagirl6's Avatar

      Right after my open, extended hemicolectomy, I looked at my stomach (I have a scar now from my groin to my sternum) and told the nurses, "Well, there goes my swimsuit modeling career."

      about 4 years ago
    • merpreb's Avatar

      My infusion nurses were nuts! They were the reason that I looked forward to my chemo day. We use to watch a show that had medical questions and we'd all do it. There was always some sort of sweet treat that someone had brought in. There were a lot of us in a semi-circle and everyone would talk- unless they were very ill. It actually was a mentally positive time.

      about 3 years ago

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