• Kaf's Avatar

    Caregiving for spouse question

    Asked by Kaf on Saturday, June 1, 2013

    Caregiving for spouse question

    I've had to quit my job to care for my husband who was recently diagnosed with an Oliogodendroglioma brain tumor. How are others dealing with the anger and depression that I'm experiencing as the caregiver.

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Sorry for your and your husband's situation. This is a common problem with dealing with cancer. I often say, "it's not just the patient that gets cancer, it's the whole family." We recently had a blog post with tips on dealing with this, click here to read: https://www.whatnext.com/blog/posts/hot-under-the-collar-how-to-cope-with-anger-and-cancer

      over 3 years ago
    • Gabba's Avatar

      Please follow-up on GregP's suggestion and log onto the blog...what you are experiencing is perfectly normal but you need some info on ways to cope...you can always use us to vent to, ask questions and express concerns...I am praying for you and your husband...God bless!

      over 3 years ago
    • Chili's Avatar

      The first hing to focus is on the hope and faith that things will get better ... Focus on the positive , which often is hard when you see how difficult a situation can be.

      When you focus on the negative,c the anger, depression , frustration ... Is OK to vent and let it go , let it go, let it go then go ... gently let it go. Your attention then should focus on the hope for a good outcome and a solution . Visualize the outcome you want. Feel good about trusting this outcome will happen so YOU ATTRACT IT IN YOUR LIFE. It will make you feel good.

      Feeling good is healing , feeling positive is healing, trusting the bounty in the universe that there is plenty of blessings and goodness for everyone... And you are ready to reach up and get a piece for yourself too. You want the blessings of good health and prosperity. FEEL GOOD IN KNOWING YOU CAN HAVE IT AND IT IS WITHIN YOUR REACH. TRUST AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN. Believe that all you wish is there for the taking including your husbands healing and your time and your financial situation .

      DO not sabotage the good feelings by denying them because your immediate reality does not support the good feelings. Ignore the reality of illness and struggle; IT IS AN ILLUSION no matter how factual it seams to be; it is real because we chose to give it value and life, but if you chose to give life to feeling positive and focusing on health and prosperity you will give life to that too and eventually that will overcome all that you are going through today.

      I am a therapist and healer, I can give you physiological information con how damaging are negative emotions to the body, as well as how healing are positive emotions to the body. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN CHARGE as far as what you want I your life.

      Many blessings and LOVE with healing wishes for you and your husband.

      over 3 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar

      Firstly, there is no such thing as fear. You are already knee deep into things which, perhaps, used to worry you. You are simply grieving .. the loss of health, the loss of freedom .. both financial and physical .. the loss of your best friend as you knew him. There are seven stages to grief including anger and, when turned inward, depression. Acceptance and bargaining (with the Creator) are other signs. There are more but a psycho would be a better person with whom to talk than untrained folks here on the board, IMHO.

      1. You need breaks. If you are unable to afford to hire an aide to break you, there are county and charity services to assist.

      2. Don't go to bed angry. I bought special pillows when I cared for my Mom and we used them a lot to beat each other up until, even a pillow, was painful to her. At some point, we learned to beat up something else which was the true cause of our suffering.

      3. Life doesn't ever turn out just as we'd planned it. If you love your husband, care for him with love and humor. If you are unable to rise to the occasion, hire help and go back to work. There is no one alive who can fault you for any decision you might make.


      over 3 years ago
    • kathym2013's Avatar

      I have those days... sometimes I just want to run away but that won't work because I would worry too much... take a few minutes for yourself , drive to the post office alone , turn on the radio and sing and cry, it helps... I could not cry in front of my husband I had to be the strong one as my kids say heartless...

      Hang in there-

      over 3 years ago
    • ChathamGal's Avatar

      Finding support through this site. I have not yet been at my job for a year so I don't qualify for FMLA until July. Your feelings are normal and just know that you're not alone

      over 3 years ago
    • Zzchap's Avatar

      I am going through the same thing.....my husband has just given up. It's very hard for me to sit and watch him wither away. At first I was so sad, then I became afraid and now I'm angry that he will not fight the battle with me! We have three girls, twins 8 and the baby is 6. It's very hard to put a smile on my face everyday and pretend everything is normal. Today was especially difficult, I woke up with tears in my eyes and my day didn't get much better. I have no support from anyone. I feel your pain. I had two trips for just a weekend get away planned but didn't go because I was afraid to leave him.

      over 3 years ago
    • Chili's Avatar

      To all of you that share the hardships of life as you state, I understand what u r experiencing from this current reality. I am a student of life too.

      The point here is to give a chance for this reality TO CHANGE.

      We are dealing with UNIVERSAL LAWS such as the LAW OF ATTRACTION as everything that is happening I our lives we attracted them at one time or another: that includes health , wealth, relationships , career, successes , failures etc...the Law of Attraction is no different than the Law OF GRAVITY... IT IS A LAW and this law RESPONDS TO OUR VIBRATIONS - the Emotions are the vibrations we emit to the universe. Based on these EMOTIONS we create realities that manifest in our lives. If we have negative emotions we create more negative circumstances in our lives... If we have positive emotions more positive events are created. Our Emotions are the VIBRATIONS WE SEND TO THE UNIVERSE TO CREATE MORE OF IT. ( not to be in denial though... But to be realistic and honest in what we want - NOTon the HOW. The universe knows how. ) the universe knows how to create illness from our vibration it also knows how to create good health but we must send that vibration.
      We cannot control our emotions just like that. We have to think of something or feel something or experience something... Maybe we can remember something that felt really good and our emotion goes just there.
      First - you recognize the issues at hand; the reality that does not FEEL GOOD .
      Second- identify what is that you WANT that will change the script of the current reality .
      Third- Get into the FEELING PLACE OF WHAT YOU WANT (that is where you are now at this moment) Then,
      Fourth- you expect, listen, feel and allow it to happen. Without sabotaging the experience

      Allow positive en energy to flow through your being and create positive vibrations. We cannot control others nor what situations surround us at this moment but we certainly have the power to change all about our life by the vibrations we emit that are transmitted in the universe. We are very powerful beings.

      PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDS YOU SPEAK - THEY SHOW YOU WHERE YOU ARE AND THE VIBRATIONS YOU EMIT. Are YOUR WORDS Positive or Negative? your emotions are a reflection of your thoughts and YOUR WORDS are a reflection of your thoughts and your emotions.
      Based on that, JUST KNOW what you are creating MORE OF.

      THIS IS JUST ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE OF ADDRESSING THE ISSUES AT HAND; A CHANGE IN SCENERY, a new objective that takes our attention to another level , disconnecting from the current reality as we see it. BEST OF ALL --- NO SIDE AFFECTS ---COMPLETELY HARMLESS --- A GREAT EXERCISE INTO RISING CONSCIOUSNESS.

      It is an exercise for life . Thank you for reading this long message.

      over 3 years ago

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