• Coping as a Survivor - Two Friends diagnosed at the same time as me, neither survived. How do you cope?

    Asked by Phoenix76 on Thursday, July 18, 2019

    Coping as a Survivor - Two Friends diagnosed at the same time as me, neither survived. How do you cope?

    I feel awe, I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful. I feel like I have to live my life that much more to the fullest, so that they didn't die in vain. And, the thought of recurrence is never very far away, so I get check-ups. It's now been five years since diagnosis. Have you been in a similar situation? What were your thoughts/feelings?

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Being a 32 year survivor I have had this fairly often. People get diagnosed, some are friends and some are relatives. Some have died while others have made it. I have survivors guilt sometimes. But we have to live life and be grateful we are still alive.

      6 months ago
    • HardyGirl's Avatar

      I have a friend that was always the "healthy one", she exercised, ate right, watched her life as a whole to be sure everything was just right. We both got diagnosed about 6 months apart. She died and I'm still here. Survivor's guilt is real!

      6 months ago
    • JaneA's Avatar

      I am in the same situation. Almost 5 years since diagnosis - several friends have passed away during this time, including my 'best" cancer sister - we were both diagnosed at the same time and both Stage IV.

      Each person responds to treatment differently. We don't have any control over how our bodies respond - this is how I help deal with survivor's guilt. I, like you, try to live my life to the fullest and to give back to those facing cancer.

      My scans are tomorrow. I stay busy with writing. I've learned to watercolor and I am an avid amatuer photographer. And I remain grateful for every day and try not to waste it.

      6 months ago
    • IKickedIt's Avatar

      Perfect timing. Yet another friend who went through cancer with me lost her battle yesterday afternoon. I spent yesterday questioning why I survived and my three other friends did not. At times like these, I have tremendous survivor's guilt.

      My husband assures me that there is a reason and maybe one day, we'll understand why. My SIL passed away more than 15 years ago leaving a small child. My BIL has since remarried and has another child. My husband and I feel that our new nephew needed to be born and that's why my husband's sister had to pass. Perhaps our nephew will discover a cure for cancer, invent something or have a tremendous positive impact on the world. We don't know, but it provides us with comfort.

      I say that if I've helped just one person through their cancer fight (I'm a coach and I've mentored many), or saved just one life by inspiring and encouraging my friends to get their preventative screenings, then perhaps that is why I had cancer. Who knows. It's days like yesterday when I want to step back from the cancer world for a breather...but here I am, drawn to WhatNext and have the urge to continue to help, encourage and inspire.

      The pain is real, however. The guilt is intolerable. And I dread my dear beautiful friend's upcoming funeral, where I will have no words for her children and family.

      6 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar

      I had a friend that passed on while I was fighting. It messed up my sleep and I ended up seeing my counselor because it was hard to understand.

      6 months ago
    • MissWiz's Avatar

      I don't understand it either. I've had many relatives with different cancers (most prevalent colon and esophageal), none have survived I'm almost 2 years cancer free and grateful for every day. I pushed my cousins to get their doctors to run tests that normally would not be done. 2 came back positive low grade and are now getting treatment .
      I'm also in health care and have seen patients grade IV and told chances of survival were low, not only survive but thrive, and others grade I who should of had treatment and survive only to die in a short time. It's truly a mystery.

      6 months ago
    • Leuky's Avatar

      I have had that feeling myself, I just didn't know there was a term for it.

      6 months ago

    Help the community by answering this question:

    Create an account to post your answer Already have an account? Sign in!

    By using WhatNext, you agree to our User Agreement, and Privacy Policy

    Read and answer more endometrial (uterine) cancer questions.  Also, don't forget to check out our Endometrial (Uterine) Cancer page.