• Dealing with unsupportive family

    Asked by Kellraiser on Tuesday, April 20, 2021

    Dealing with unsupportive family

    My in-laws are making me feel that I am being dramatic in wanting to prevent myself from catching small colds, viruses. Non are vaccinated and think that since I'm not in treatment that it can't "really be all that bad". I have a PET scan on Friday and I don't think they understand the fear that I am going through. They give me the impression that I have been labeled a hypochondriac and am blowing this out of proportion. Supposed to have a small family gathering and brother in law opted to bring two extra kids from Church (where they don't wear masks and he caught COVID from last month) to our "small family gathering". It's now my decision to say if it's ok to bring the extra kids and I feel it's unfair to make me be the bad guy.

    9 Answers from the Community

    9 answers
    • MarcieB's Avatar
      MarcieB

      I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Those who have never had to live with this threat over their heads may not understand, but they should try. How does your husband feel? He could be your shield here if he would tell his own parents that he is worried for you and would prefer to keep the small family gathering exclusive to just family. If he is not willing to do that, maybe he would be okay with helping you keep a good distance from the boys and leaving early?

      5 months ago
    • Kellraiser's Avatar
      Kellraiser

      We discussed him attending alone, but he's worried to come into contact with any bugs going around and bringing them home to me. We also discussed maybe moving the gathering till next week, where it's just immediate family. I'm just frustrated. It seems like I bend over backwards taking their (in laws) feelings into consideration, but it's not reciprocated. It puts my husband in a bad spot, he feels like he is in the middle. I need to remember that it's my job to take care of myself, which includes my general physical health as well as my mental health. I think that I will gracefully bow out this time and hope that in the future, they can take a few minutes of time to research CLL and try to be understanding.

      5 months ago
    • Teachertina's Avatar
      Teachertina

      I agree with you bowing out and your husband could too this time in support of you. He should explain how important this decision is and remind them that if you attend and catch COVID and die it would be on them for pressing you to be there. If they can’t be understanding of that then it’s their problem, not yours. You are trying to stay alive, just like all of us here! Be strong in taking care of yourself, no matter what anyone thinks! I’ve had to do this and finally got people to “get it”! I don’t mean to sound harsh, but we live in a harsh reality with this new threat on top of everything else we are dealing with. Sending you well wishes with this dilemma.

      5 months ago
    • legaljen1969's Avatar
      legaljen1969

      What an awful predicament your in-laws have created. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I think bowing out is the best solution to this issue.

      If your relationship with your in-laws was good before, then maybe they will come to their senses and realize that you are just trying to stay healthy. If that relationship was already rocky, then I would say this brings this into focus and maybe your husband needs to figure out how to mediate between you and his family. That's a terrible position for him to be in as well, I know.

      Though not COVID related, I have not seen my inlaws in at least 5 years. Life circumstances have prevented it. If your husband can find a way to see his family and not risk harming you, I would definitely encourage him to go and be the representative for your household. Maybe they could Zoom call you or Facetime you?

      I hope you find a solution that makes everyone feel a little more at peace.

      5 months ago
    • CAS1's Avatar
      CAS1

      IO am sorry but there comes a time in life where you just must say "NO". Put yourself first.

      5 months ago
    • Kellraiser's Avatar
      Kellraiser

      Thank you all! Its so nice to have somewhere to turn to when needing others who can relate, those in the same position. My husband did attend alone and I guess he had a talk with them. My brother and sister in law got their first round covid shot this past week too, so I'm hopeful.

      5 months ago
    • Jenann's Avatar
      Jenann

      So sorry you are dealing with this. Put yourself first, you are priority number 1! You have enough on your plate and you have the right to be worried about Covid or a cold. You don’t need anyone’s permission to have your feelings, nor do you owe anyone an explanation.

      I had to fight with my ex to keep people out of our house when I went through chemo. I’m thankful your spouse stepped up and spoke with his parents. Best wishes

      5 months ago
    • Teachertina's Avatar
      Teachertina

      We just had a neighbor die from Covid, 58 years old. Don’t take chances. Take care of yourself! Glad you husband stepped up!

      5 months ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Kellraiser-- I'm so glad that your husband stood up for you, and 2 of the in-laws got their first shots. It can be so miserable trying to not get infected by anything. It seemed that I had a bull's eye on me that said--COUGH ON ME -LET YOUR DOG BITE ME- I got tetanus-whooping cough-pasteurella multocida-every cold that was going around-and I was trying to stay safe and healthy.
      I went to the pharmacy, a coughing woman went by- 2 weeks later I had a bad case of whooping cough that lasted for about 11 months.

      You are not exaggerating anything and you're lucky to have a loyal husband that will speak up for you.

      4 months ago

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