• Did your spouse cry when you were diagnose?

    Asked by Bobbiedee on Wednesday, April 4, 2012

    Did your spouse cry when you were diagnose?

    17 Answers from the Community

    17 answers
    • tspoon's Avatar

      We sat in the dr office like stones with tears running. We asked/said nothing. We were unable. That was 13 mths ago, there is no day since that we are cry free.

      over 4 years ago
    • mamajltc's Avatar

      Ok..you just made me cry with that question...honestly...because I am a spouse and I cry a lot...mostly in private...But I remember the day like it was yesterday, and it was Sept. 20th 2009. My (now 68) year old husband went for a colonoscopy, and I went to pick him up at our local hospital. He and the nurse were walking down the hall. He had a big smile on his face (he continues to do this!), and I said 'How did it go?'...The nurse said he'll talk to you. I stopped breathing for a moment, got in the car and did not move. He said they found something small and that he would be going for a biopsy but after much questioning, the dr. told him he believed it was cancer. The ride home, only a mile away, was one of the longest rides I have ever taken. I asked him to please go in the house I would be in a minute. He did..I sobbed...and sobbed. Took a deep breath, and with tears still in my eyes, I promised him this was OUR battle, and we would fight this together...and he would never be alone in this battle. So many procedures, stays, appointments...etc..later...I cry often. And anything can trigger it...one song, by Bob Marley..."Don't worry about a thing,every little thing is going to be alright' (3 Little Birds), does it to me all the time. But I must add, that this journey has brought us closer than ever...because we are together always.

      over 4 years ago
    • PPaseka's Avatar

      My wife and I went in to met the surgeon who did the biopsy on the groin lymph node. When he told us that it was metastisized squamous cell carcinoma with primary unknown, we both cried. When my wife asked him how bad was it and he replied "with one being the best case and ten being the worst case, you are a ten" we were devastated. She base only cried twice since, once the day before surgery and one other time in the middle of radiation. I still tear up on a daily basis, but not a sobbing cry like it was the first few months. Our lives are returning to normal or as normal as ones life can be with cancer.

      over 4 years ago
    • po18guy's Avatar

      My wife never cries, but she did when I relapsed immediately after chemo - which lowered my prognosis from poor to very poor. Yet, the story was not finished, since that episode occurred just over three years ago. There are some situations in life that nothing but tears will help. Cancer is often one of them. A lot of stress and inexpressible feelings flow out among those tears, and they can become cathartic in nature.

      over 4 years ago
    • Rainbowkdm's Avatar

      I am the spouse. Definitely, cried. My husband has brain cancer. The surgeon came in the consult room after surgery where I and my family support were gathered. Halfway through the "surgery went well" speech, he said he was certain that it was stage 4 glioblastoma multiforme...cancer. I didn't hear another word. I know he could see the realization come up in my eyes as I felt a curtain was being lifted to what the rest of my sweeties life was going to be. The surgeon left the room and we all fell apart. I cry frequently, trying very hard not to do it around my husband. He is now disabled and I carry everything. We have been blessed, though, because with such a horrible diagnosis, he has lived 18 months fighting it. He's still with me and we have gotten to share moments that would not have been possible before.

      over 4 years ago
    • rustysflygirl's Avatar

      Yes, everyday and sometimes several times a day. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on Feb. 21, 2012. We are both new to this cancer thing. I think crying is good in this circumstance. I cry for him and all he is going through, for his Mom who is coping with aggressive breast cancer now. And also for me. My husband refers to this as just a bump in the road. Crying seems to bring the bump down a little.

      over 4 years ago
    • Bashiemn's Avatar

      My spouse did not cry and has not cried since I was diagnosed. I have only seen him cry once in the last 11 years... and it wasn't because of this... He also hasn't spoken to me about my diagnosis, nor my feelings on all of it. When I have tried he just tells me to just wait and see how everything goes. No emotional support, no hugs, nothing to show me that it even matters.

      I've had to rely on myself and a couple of good friends for the emotional support.

      It's been terrible.

      over 4 years ago
    • leepenn's Avatar

      We cried together. And I have been grateful - so very very grateful - for the wonder that is my better half. We don't cry often... just every now and again.

      Bashiemn - I'm so sorry - that's just so difficult. I hope you have other friends / family that can show you warmth and support during this difficult time.

      over 4 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      The first time I was only 28, my wife didn't come into the exam room with me, when we went outside to the car, I just blurted out, WELL, I HAVE CANCER, in a who cares type of tone. Thats the way I was, cancer was just an inconvenience to me then. but yes we both did cry then, her being scared for me, and me seeing her cry and be upset. Seconce time, yes again, because we both thought we were done with cancer. Then the third time, 3 years ago, I had a hard time with it. I had been 18 years cancer free and was XXX that I had to do it again. My wife took it harder too this time, I was told that if it comes back a third time it becomes harder to control. So, it's been tough this time. Good luck to you.

      over 4 years ago
    • Bobbiedee's Avatar

      Thank you so very much for sharing your answers. My husband did not cry and looking back on that hurts me to this day. I know he loves me but how can someone not cry when they hear that their wife has cancer and it's fourth stage? He's cried before over other things but not over me. We've Been married for fourth years and he has always been my best friend. Good luck to all thru this difficult time.

      over 4 years ago
    • joyce's Avatar

      Bobbiedee, I suspect that your husband has cried--just not in front of you. Men are taught to be strong, and some view crying as a sign of weakness. I don't think there's been a day since my husband's diagnosis of pancreatic cancer that I haven't cried, but i try not to cry often in front of him because I know it upsets him. Everybody deals with grief in his/her own way.

      over 4 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      I agree with Joyce, just because he hasn't cried in front of you, doesn't mean he doesn't love you and isn't scared to death. My dad was that way, hardly ever...maybe twice in his 84 years, did I ever see him cry, once when I was with him at the doctor and he was told he didn't have cancer, that turned out to be not true, but still, we men will try to protect you by showing a strong front. I don't want my wife to see how scared I am over some of these things, I don't want her to worry anymore than she does.

      over 4 years ago
    • RuthAnne's Avatar

      Yes. My husband has cried, but never in front of me. I only know because I have overheard him talking to his mother about it. People do cope differently and I think that you can't assume that someone doesn't care just because they don't cry. You have to look at their behavior as a whole - what are the other things that he does and says that show you that he cares about you? Although you are the one who is sick, he also has a lot on his (emotional) plate, too.

      over 4 years ago
    • Bobbiedee's Avatar

      Thank you for the comment's, it really opened my eyes! I guess I felt along because I cried by my self and he just sat there. But yes he does show that he loves me. I just wondered if others showed their feeling by crying when a loved one was diagnose. And how it changes your life. I've meet so many wonderful people that are truly brave and are hero's, both diagnose and their spouse or friend's.

      over 4 years ago
    • Cindy's Avatar

      I didn't cry and my husband didn't cry when I was diagnosed. We just accepted it and put our faith in God. I was more concerned about pain than dying. My husband showed he cared by being there and taking care of me. He didn't need to cry to show me he cared.

      over 4 years ago
    • Zack's Avatar

      Bobbiedee, I was the son. My mom is definitely a crier. But, I only ever saw her cry twice. Once when I was diagnosed and once when my brother got in a car accident while I was in the hospital. As for your husband, I am a guy. Most of us are taught to be strong and not to cry, and for me personally that turned into not really crying for the past six years due to a mental block. I don't know your husband, but I do know some guys can't cry anymore. And while most people seem to think this is unhealthy, as long as he shows sympathy, empathy, compassion, and love for you, Know that he does care. From what it sounds like, you are a very lucky woman to have a husband like that.

      about 4 years ago
    • two4god's Avatar

      no I did not/do not know what to expect and I trust in God.

      almost 3 years ago

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