• Do you ever feel bad for your spouse for having to deal with everything you are going through?

    Asked by BugsBunny on Friday, November 22, 2019

    Do you ever feel bad for your spouse for having to deal with everything you are going through?

    They didn't sign up for this and it's a terribly hard thing to endure. My spouse is great and has never missed a beat taking care of me. But I read all the time about others that have left their spouse when things got tough. I guess they forgot that part about through sickness and in health.

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      Well, yes. Having said that, most of us did vow: "For better or for WORSE, for richer or POORER, in SICKNESS and in health..."
      It's just that we had no inkling that any of this would come to pass. I've wanted to use "inkling" in a sentence for the longest time!

      2 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      Yes, I do. During cancer, he ran the household just like I would have. And now with my knee replacement surgery, he is my driver, and running the house while he is working from home most of the time. I know it's quite a load on him. I am very lucky to have him!

      2 months ago
    • JaneA's Avatar
      JaneA

      I was grateful for all of the help that my husband gave me during my year of treatment. He didn't hover and let me do what I felt like doing - because we still want and need to feel productive.

      But, yes, we did sign up for this in our marriage vows. It's just that we never thought about the "worst" scenarios. Sickness and cancer are part of life.

      2 months ago
    • Jayne's Avatar
      Jayne

      It's an endless job it seems - even in the "after life" from cancer, being a caretaker doesn't seem to stop but if it's the right person, they do it unconditionally. I think it helps to think about how we would react if the roles were reversed.

      2 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      Jayne, the roles will be reversed here soon. My husband is having his knee surgery in December. So then I will be the nurse, chef, and Uber driver. It is just part of life.

      2 months ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      My wife and I will be married 40 years this Feb. We had been married for 8 years when I was diagnosed the first time. I always say that she didn't sign up for all that comes with being married to a long term cancer patient and having to ride the rollercoaster that is being a caregiver for a cancer patient. I do worry about her and the stress that I know it puts on her.

      about 1 month ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      When we decide “this person is THE ONE,” we all sign up for whatever will happen, and we know that eventually, something bad will happen to one of us. Through thick and thin. I’m no angel with my partner, but he and I are getting along better as we grow old together, and I’m very thankful for that. He was lucky with my cancer so far, as I didn’t need much caretaking. However, who knows what’ll befall either or both of us? And we have no kids. I know how hard it can be to be a caretaker, but I think there’s no excuse for abandoning a life partner. Hope I don’t want to eat my words someday.

      about 1 month ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      Yes and no. No one wants to add hardship to those they love. But, like Carool said, when you decide the person is the one (marriage or not), that's what you do. I'd do it for him in a heartbeat.

      about 1 month ago

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