• Do you have a friend or relative that has been diagnosed with cancer that won't take your advice?

    Asked by OldGuy on Tuesday, October 8, 2019

    Do you have a friend or relative that has been diagnosed with cancer that won't take your advice?

    I know someone that has been diagnosed and I can tell that they just don't want to ask questions, they don't want to challenge their doctor's plan even though they are going downhill. I have suggested second opinions but they say they don't want to make their doctor mad. The treatment isn't working and they won't ask about clinical trials. Hospice is almost the next step but they just seem willing to take that path. I just don't understand. I don't want them to do what I say, I just want them to fight for themselves.

    3 Answers from the Community

    • Dawsonsmom's Avatar
      Dawsonsmom

      This is a tough one, no doubt! Unfortunately many of us were raised to “respect authority” and to not challenge. When it is hard wired, getting unwired takes a lot of courage and a lot of hard work. You didn’t say what kind of cancer or stage, grade, Mets, etc, so I’m wondering if your friend has something w a poor prognosis (like pancreatic cancer) and feels like it is futile or doesn’t have the energy to fight. Probably the most important thing you can do is to be supportive of their choices. It sounds like you have tried to convince them to take other actions so they know where you stand. Now, they need you to be supportive without risking sounding judgmental or like you are nagging. You could risk them isolating from you, which would be worse for both of you. Remember: the road to XXX is paved with good intentions.

      about 1 month ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I have been where you are now in trying to convince someone that something just didn't seem right. Our experience with going through lots of these things does give us a little advantage in knowing what to expect, how things "normally" go and when we should ask a few questions. If you have tried and are meeting resistance you will have to decide when you have to say you've done all you can do, what will be, will be.

      about 1 month ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      YES! My sister was diagnosed last year with stage IV pancreatic cancer and she's driving me crazy. She isn't doing the basics to take care of herself, won't ask for pain meds, basically does everything wrong. She did finally get a second opinion but that was only because she wanted a doctor to tell her what she wanted to hear - didn't happen.

      Anyway, long story short, I told her when she was first diagnosed that this is HER JOURNEY and she gets to do it or not, any way she pleases. No one else can walk the walk for her. We can suggest, we can pray, we can cajole, but in the end, it's her life, her journey, her cancer.

      I hope she's happy with the choices she's making and the life she's leading. I love her dearly and wish her the best. Some of her choices are driving me crazy but I have my own journey with cancer and I choose to do it differently. Again, it's all about individual choice.

      about 1 month ago

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