• Does anyone ever feel guilty? Telling your family that today you just can't do something or you help with something.

    Asked by sbmontgomery on Friday, November 8, 2013

    Does anyone ever feel guilty? Telling your family that today you just can't do something or you help with something.

    When I wake up in the morning I don't know what kind of day I will have. Some days I feel great and I have the energy to clean the house, go to the store, run errands, and teach the kids homeschool. Then there are those days I get up and my whole body hurts, my joints and muscles are very painful when I move, and I just don't have any energy. It's been a little over a year since my last treatment of rad. and chemo. I find myself saying I'm sorry a lot. "I'm sorry but I need you to drive me to the store today and I will probably need an electric cart." "I'm sorry but I need you to wash the clothes, I don't have the energy today." Things like that. I really want to do the things I used to do but some days I really can't no matter how hard I try.

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • Marci's Avatar

      Yes. I am a person who takes pride in being "self sufficient" and when I have to ask for help or cannot do things....it bugs me. Thankfully my family is very understanding and helps me through my dips in energy. Even now that I am done with surgery, chemo and radiation - I still have days where I really need help getting off the couch. Be kind to yourself. The treatments you are or have gone through are major issues to the body and the body takes time to get back onto its own balance.Be careful and take care of yourself. Sending best wishes your way!

      about 7 years ago
    • jhale17's Avatar

      I posted this earlier, hope it helps.

      Back to Normal ??

      I suggest you let your pretreatment normal go the same way you let your age thirty or age twenty go. Granted post cancer treatment is a more significant passage due to the after effects it leaves with you. My point is each day is a bit different for all of us. What matters is what we do with each new day we are given.

      I admit I was much like you in thinking when will I be back to my old normal. It was a little disappointing when I realized that would never be. I now accept any new normal I can get and am willing to adjust to its newness and its differences. You see, I have adjusted to four new normals of chemo and radiation over the last thirteen years. And as a result of sun damage from my outdoor activities in my youth have had to deal with treatments for three most common skin cancers on a continuing basis.

      I got through my first new normal in what I call brute strength and awkwardness. It was some time before I accepted that I would not be the same as before my treatment.

      It is in my makeup to be proactive and optimistic. Because of these traits I have in each cancer occurrence accepted what was lost in treatment and looked for available options to get it back.
      Time, rest, good nutrition, moderate exercise and drinking lots of water will be needed to get over the initial side effects. Later, when you notice something not returning to near your old normal, research options on what recourse you have.

      Some things I found useful,

      Local cancer support group provided a networking forum for local medical services and information what works for others survivors. As you are finding out here on WhatNext, sharing helps.

      Neuropathy in my feet, I took three years of Tai Chi that eliminated my balance issues.
      Swallowing issues, I used Insure to add to daily nutrition and reduce swallowing.
      During hospital stays I walked the halls so much the nurses called me the marathon man. I did this in order to be better fit when I got discharged.

      Take it slow on exercise to avoid injury. Overdoing is no fun.
      Open your mind to things that may work to make your future better.

      Good luck on your journey

      about 7 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      You have the right to not do those things when you don't feel up to them. Your health is the most important thing right now, everyone just has to understand that if your not here to do those things, then those things will never get done again! So just explain you don't feel well and ask for a little help. You will be back to normal in a while and be able to pick back up. I hope you feel better soon!

      about 7 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar

      No way. I do what I can, but everyone is younger and healthier. There's no reason we should have to do anythng we don't feel like doing.

      about 7 years ago
    • glam's Avatar

      Take your time.....don't be so demanding on yourself.....probably you are being more demanding on yourself than they would be on you if you just explain them how you feel and that it is part of the whole process....take advantage of those days you feel good and make monthly shopping on supermarket, cleaning products, drugstore and others that you can and spoil your people and yourself so they know when you are tired they can do the same to you, or just be all together in your bed, eating some popcorn and caressing each other.....you have the right to rest and after all you have gone through you need to respect your body.....you will recover.....be strong.....God bless you, your family and continue blessing all of us

      about 7 years ago
    • ladyhawk's Avatar

      Sweetie! you are entitled to do or say whatever you want and no one should ever have a problem with it! blessings :)

      about 7 years ago
    • riverratttt47w's Avatar

      Yes all the time, seems to happen a lot lately with the feeling worn out and just feeling sick but I try most of the time t suck it up and do what the wife or grandkids ask if I can and my wife knows when I say I have had enough it time to take me home. we don't get out much anymore since I been sick so I try my best to make a bad day a good one if not for me for my baby. seeing her smiling and having a good time is what I live for as she is my life my angel on earth.
      do as I do at times...just kick yourself in the assets once in awhile and give it a try anyway. good luck to you my friend in your journey as I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

      about 7 years ago
    • stillerfan's Avatar

      I too find that I have "I'm sorry days" and all I want to do is sleep. In fact today is one of those days.I do what I can to help around the house since I can't drive due to seizures. Do what your body tells you it can do,but don't feel guilty.

      about 7 years ago
    • sbmontgomery's Avatar

      I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my question. It really is great to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for being my friends when I need them. No one really understands except the ones who are going on this journey with me.

      about 7 years ago
    • cllinda's Avatar

      We all have good days and bad days. Days when you can do it all, yourself, and days when you need help to do the little "Normal" things that life brings. Today, I washed two windows and washed the curtains. I used to do them all in a day, sometimes, two, but now, I'm just happy to get a few things done each day. We all have to go at our own pace, as we are still recovering. It's hard, but we will get through this.

      about 7 years ago
    • sandikf's Avatar

      It's been over a year since my chemo and radiation and almost a year for radiation to brain. I still have days where I feel like a wet rag. You SHOULD NOT feel guilty about not being able to do stuff sometimes you have been through a lot. Hopefully your family understands that.

      about 7 years ago

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