• GGP's Avatar

    Ever think about Giving Up?

    Asked by GGP on Wednesday, March 20, 2013

    Ever think about Giving Up?

    I have a good friend that recently was diagnosed with cancer. She immediatley thought the worst, said it was over and wouldn't have treatment. Finally was talked into taking chemo, but after it was done said "that's it, I'll never do it again"! Now she has a lump in the other breast. How would you try to convince someone to not give up. I have my own ideas, I want to see what you guys have.
    Thanks for helping her!

    16 Answers from the Community

    16 answers
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar

      By giving up you're saying that you have nothing to live for. When I think of that scenario I see my friends, my family. I have a daughter that depends on me. I have a wife whom I love dearly. I have friends that know just what to say to make my day better. I have a couple of dogs that greet me with excitement every time I walk through the door. Even if I’m only gone for 5 minutes, they’re still excited that I’m back. I have things I'd like do before my time is up. I have places I’d like to go!! Life is worth living. No one said it would easy. It may suck sometimes but it's the life we're given. We must decide what to do with it. Don't give up!! Live your life to the fullest everyday.

      over 3 years ago
    • BLBragg's Avatar

      I agree with "tickling cancer" When my husband was diagnosed, he thought long and hard about what he wanted to do, but thankfully came to the only decision you can as a loving human being, fight for your life. We were given this life with all its ups and downs, successes and failures, tirumphs and defeats, and challenges that we must overcome. Today, almost two years post treatment he is happy he made this decison. To see one more beautiful sunrise, hear a child's laugh, hug a friend, simple pleasures that are now so precious to him.

      There are people that love you and are there to support you through the bad times as well as share in the good. if you beat this monster once, you can and WILL do it again.
      Sometimes I think people who have cancer may feel, "sure easy for you to say, you are not the one who is sick" but truthfully it is no less scary for the loved ones. I don't know what I would do if my husband gave up...it would shatter my heart into pieces.

      Then I think, since there is a reason for everything, maybe our purpose is to tell our story in order to help others. The good Lord has a plan and our giving up is not in that plan!

      So you must fight for your loved ones and for yourself. Do not deprive yourself of what is yet to come...because you do not know what lies around the corner for your life...something beautiful may be waiting to happen...
      I am praying for your friend Greg.


      over 3 years ago
    • Nancebeth's Avatar

      Well, I can tell you from experience, sort of. When I was diagnosed I decided to fight as aggressively as possible. Bilateral Mastectomy with Reconstruction, followed by 6 rounds of chemo, followed by Tamoxifen (which i stopped because I couldn't handle the side effects). I had decided after chemo #5 that if it came back I was not going to fight. I would just live out whatever time I had left. I was fighting alone and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and feeling like no on understood.
      I told my onc and he said he would support me in whatever decision I made and try his best to help me through.
      I was dicussing getting my port out and my same onc (I love him, btw!) said "well, since you have already decided you wont fight cancer if it comes back, why do you need to keep your port in?!?!?" And I knew right then that I would fight. For me, cancer was just another challenge and I beat it. If it comes back, it is just another challenge and I will beat it again.
      I am uber competitive so making the portions of my treatment into challenges is what worked for me.

      over 3 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      I don't consider "giving up" an invalid decision. Its not the one I chose, but it was on the table. There were just too many pluses in the fight column for me to go that way. Maybe thats what she needs, a plus and minus chart.

      over 3 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      I wouldn't try to convince anybody to not give up. However, I would try to make sure that they are making an informed decision. And IMO if somebody thinks that not taking treatment is giving up, then I don't think they are making an informed decision. Generally, those that think refusing treatment is giving up, believe that they will instead go gently into that good night and don't consider the comparison of the strain, pain, stress, and lack of quality of life that is likely to be far worse by not taking treatment. If they want to take the easy way out, then that is taking treatment. Refusing treatment is the much harder path.

      over 3 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar

      Take her to a childrens cancer hospital. If those little babies can fight ..if those little babies can have hope..if those little babies so innocent and small can take chemo and radiation....

      How dare I feel sorry for myself or my dx. Shame on me...

      over 3 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      Lots of great answers, one thing to take into consideration is the fact that your friend may be depressed, and that's why she has "given up". I'm a pretty positive person, but I do have days, where I question why I am going through all this, then I speak with my therapist, and/or look at all i have to live for. Validate her feelings. Tell her how much she means to you her friends and family. This is one hard emotional nut to crack, facts and figures are great when she is open to hear them, but first you must win her over emotionally.

      over 3 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Long before I was involved in advocacy for cancer patients and Relay/American Cancer Society, I would have people in the community that knew I had beaten cancer twice and they would come to talk to me, or a friend of thiers would stop by and ask me if I would go see them. I was "that guy that beat it, twice"! I gladly done my duty. I didn't try to convince anyone of anything at that time. I would just stop in and ask how they are doing, and see if I could answer any questions. That's when the questions would come up. Did you ever think of quitting? How did you do it, it's going to kill me? I have always been super positive, and just don't think that quitting is a part of my make up. I am shocked by some that say they won't go through treatment, before they ever learn anything about it, and they are at that point, still perfectly fine. They gave up before ever trying to fight, just because they had it in their mind that it was going to be too rough. Uneducated guessing. And that's sad.

      But I appreciate anyones right to make a decision, my mother chose not to take the treatments, based on what the docs said her chances were with or without treatment. Couldn't operate. So she enjoyed life for 10 more months.

      over 3 years ago
    • Carol-Charlie's Avatar

      My husband and I have been married only 30 years. I want more time with him. We share 8 children.... his 5 and my 3. We have 20 grandchildren... We have 2 great grand children.... That's now..

      When I began my journey Stage IV Ovarian Cancer... I thought wow... This is all there is... But my one DIL told me. I'm glad you decided you were going to fight... cause if not, we'd have carried you kicking and screaming to Chemo.

      The Gynicologic Oncology Surgeon was a kid of 46.... He knew the latest and greatest... I'm so glad I fought. My fingers are numb, My feet are numb, my feet hurt and I have pain in my lower legs from my chemo. My hair never grew back after my two years of chemo that got rid of the cancer. Would I go through it again if the cancer does come back. YES. I would never want this man to think I wouldn't fight to be with him. I would never want my children to think they weren't worth my fighting to stay with them. My great grandchildre... I want to watch them grow. My pets... I want to keep rescuing homeless animals. Besides... When God wants me to come home.... He'll send someone to bring me... God Bless.

      over 3 years ago
    • AlizaMLS's Avatar

      If I had a friend who was considering giving up, I would start by telling her/him how much they had to live for (spouse, children) and friends, plus whatever interests they had (painting, woodworking, silversmithing, etc, And just in general how warm and kind they are and how much they'd be missed. I'd tell them that I know that this is going to be hard, but that I'd be there for them while they're going through it!

      over 3 years ago
    • Richardc's Avatar

      When I was diagnosed, I didn't dream giving up would be in my vocabulary. Once I started chemo and radiation, there were days I swore I couldn't continue.then I was reminded why I was Going thru treatments. My wife and best friend! She was by my side every step of the journey. It has been four years, and I'm doing fine.
      When my doctor mentioned that if it ever came back, palliative care is all he would recommend. It didn't take much thought to decide that is not what I would want. My ACS wristband says " celebrate hope" and that is what I will do. I'm still here because I must have something positive to offer. I hope you find the answer that is right for you.

      over 3 years ago
    • Barbs' Avatar

      As a caregiver, selfishly, I want more time with my husband -- as much time as God will give us. Yet, I cannot bear to see him suffer with so much as a hangnail - so, I have told him that I will support whatever he chooses. He is so strong, but there are times when I have to be strong for both of us. I am so glad he chose to fight, to stay the course, to be with me -- I don't know if I could make the same choice if I were in his place, but I hope I would, I sincerely hope I would.

      over 3 years ago
    • LisaLathrop's Avatar

      Who wants to give up?! As a 44 yo diagnosed with AML Leukemia, I had SO much to live for! I wanted to see my kids (all under 17 at the time) grow up, begin successful careers, enjoy my grandchildren, and continue planning with my husband for our future and retirements. I KNEW God wasn't ready to take me away from all that just yet. I BELEIVED I had a higher purpose. I never asked why me? just simply had FAITH that God gave me this challenge because my family and I were strong enough to make it through. But only YOU (patient) has the choice....to fight you best or give up. To me, giving up is never an option. Yes, no one wants to ever be diagnosed with cancer...but that doesn't mean you can't ride out the bumps and live again! I would suggest getting your friend the book "Cancer with Joy" by Joy Huber. Her theme is no one is happy they have cancer, but cancer doesn't mean you can't be happy. She also twists the side effects into "bright side effects". You can find it at a discount until the end of the month on my website: www.cancerkaleidoscope.com. See....I found my new purpose in life. Check out the site, and please spread the word. If I can help one person with a link on my site (and there are TONS), I am accomplishing my mission. Blessings to you and your friend....stick by her and keep encouraging!

      over 3 years ago
    • greensmythe's Avatar

      Staying the Course- Redirecting the View
      In the past five months I found out I had lung cancer, ran around for about two months trying to find a good treatment doctor/facility/ treatment plan, and then –good golly Miss Molly found all three and am now in the process of implementing the plan. I have been sicker than I ever have been in my whole life- but I am making progress. Yesterday, due to a bronchial infection that settled in my chest (another infection, oh boy!) I made a visit to my primary care doctor, Dr. Dale, to get a fill up on antibiotics. Now, of course, I had tried to call down to my treatment center at IU Simon- they don’t seem to respond too quickly and at sixty years old I have learned how to cover some challenges like obtaining a prescription for antibiotics to kick an infection. Not to mention the fact that I already had some left from my urinary tract infection! HA! During the visit, I complained about this siege of sickness from the chemo- interjecting off and on my asymptomatic status at the time of diagnosis. Finally, the doctor said, “Since, you have told me that there has been 35% shrinkage of tumors, and that you are possibly in remission, I would think your doctors know what they are doing and now what you really need to do is stay the course.” Stay the course. We have all heard those words before used in a multitude of different contexts. Sometimes they are used to blur scenery and scatter thoughts when the course may seem unwise. But, not this time. I think this time- although the going has been rougher on this chemo aftermath than before I am reaching towards something wonderful and the price being paid is worth a good slam towards my dammit doll- a glass of good German beer when my fourth chemo aftershock is over- and perhaps a visit to parts unknown. Right now I am beginning to think about those parts. Staying the course is never easy- some think there are no other choices- but there are. You can always choose to stop chemo- and not weather anymore of the nasty blows of fatigue, nausea, and a varied assortment of ailments I think I will spare you from this time, anyway. Or you can put yourself through the next trial and know that you gave it your all for yourself, and those you love. I choose to fight forward, and like my old friend Harry from what’sNext.com always said, Fight –LIVE! Thrive!

      over 3 years ago
    • fastdog's Avatar

      Most of us on What Next seem to be fighters, and we all have lives to fight for. But, we don't know this lady's situation so it's hard to give any meaningful advice. When I was diagnosed and told I had to have two major surgeries and chemo, it was my primary care physician, of all people, who seemed against the idea of going through so much, saying "what about the quality of your life?" It never occurred to me at any time to give up and not have the surgeries and the chemo. But, that did give me pause. If your friend is depressed or feels she has no meaningful life, it's understandable that she might make this decision, and it's hers to make. We all feel "it's over" when we're first diagnosed, but then we put on our "big kids' pants" and fight like mad. I imagine this woman feels she fought the good fight, and it came back anyway, and that's it. Perhaps she just needs to digest the idea of going through it all again, and will rise to the challenge. Perhaps she won't. I think all you can do is be supportive and try to encourage her that others have been through all this and more and have not only survived, but lived, and then let her make her own decision, and be supportive of that.

      over 3 years ago
    • kiki95632's Avatar

      I can tell you that recently I felt like giving up. I am doing chemo again after having a break for a while. To say the side effects suck would be an understatement.. I told that to a friend who is also going through Chemo. Said I was done. She said no your not. You have kids, and they are scared and are counting on you to be the fighter you have always been. It would not be fair to them or your grandkids if you gave up. Side effects are temporary, have you in their lives is forever.

      over 3 years ago

    Help the community by answering this question:

    Create an account to post your answer Already have an account? Sign in!

    By using WhatNext, you agree to our User Agreement, and Privacy Policy

    Read and answer more head & neck/throat cancer questions.  Also, don't forget to check out our Head & Neck/Throat Cancer page.