• Ever want some1 so bad to step up 2 the plate where u n ur cancer is concerned but they just dont?How do u deal with it?

    Asked by Heidi on Wednesday, December 21, 2011

    Ever want some1 so bad to step up 2 the plate where u n ur cancer is concerned but they just dont?How do u deal with it?

    This some one being my husband.

    9 Answers from the Community

    9 answers
    • susie81610's Avatar

      Dont you wish you could give them a good swift kick in the behind sometimes. I'm really not sure what to tell you but I get so steamed up inside sometime I could bust. I understand where your coming from. Maybe counseling? Mine wont will yours?
      I just get up everyday and do what I want to do and go where I want to go anymore. I always take myself to Drs appt unless he decides he has a question then I want to crawl under the table when he does ask them lol. Wish I could have been more help but jut know your not the only one out there with this issue. Stay strong and if you want to chat let me know. Have chemo tomorrow so God only knows whats going to go on. Talk to you soon.
      Hugs Susie

      over 9 years ago
    • Heidi's Avatar

      In a year mine has gone once to chemo, where he played on the computer i brought for me the whole time and once to radiation where he said nothing when he met my doc and wanted to know every 5 secs when we could leave. My grandfather and mother take me to all my appointments. He hates having to go to the ER the most and so unless he he has to my mom or grandparents take me. BUT my biggest thing right now is I am on bed rest because of my platelets being 72 and that was before they gave me chemo on top of it. So no activity and little to no contact cause my lil girl is ruff and would put bruises all over me. He came home from work showered and played on the computer then fought with me over having the blanket from our bed ( I am on the couch so that I wont feel so alone during the day) then off to bed he went. We live with his mom who right now is not feeling well to the point of running a fever and she took care of our lil girl, she tasked me if i wanted her to make me some thing to eat and drink, before she went to bed she asked me if i wanted or needed any thing and right now at 3:30 in the am she has out lil girl in bed with her cause she got her to go back to sleep. NOT once did he ask me if i needed any thing or help getting up to the bathroom since he has been home. I am at the point where its like that ole saying " you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink".------ frustrating!!

      over 9 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Girls, I am so sorry for you being in this position. I cannot even believe someone would treat their wife like that, especially when in treatment. I am extremely lucky, I have a great wife that has been there through 23 years of this, I feel guilty that she is always taking care of me and she is always healthy, and I don't have to take care of her. I do have a friend locally who is going through breast cancer, and her husband is like yours, not helping her, doesn't take her to treatments, said he wasn't going to be able to be taking her back and forth, he didn't have time. Unbelievable.
      My thoughts are with you, thats all I can say, I know I'm no help to you. Just lean on those who will help you.

      over 9 years ago
    • hikerchick's Avatar

      I have found that the best way for me to be able to cope and remain resonably happy is to try to expect as little as possible. My expectations are like traps. If I expect him to ask me if I need anything certain times of the day or before he leaves or whatever, I will likely be disappointed and find reason to fume, and that's MY choice. I can try to avoid the chances of disappointment, when possible. If I'm able to get myself to appointments alone, I do. If I'm able to bathe unassisted, I do. If I need a plastic patio chair in the shower so that I don't need assistance, I ask for it.
      I have not been through your medical condition but I have had several broken bones and several surgeries since marriage and I have learned that he will not be tending to me as I would tend to him, nor as I would like to be tended to. Of course, a good friend to vent to can save a lot of grief in the household too, but prioritizing what I really cannot do without him and reducing my requests to that has made the rough medical times bearable. Plus, if I have no expectations, I get the gratitude surge for every tiny bit of kindness that comes my way. Much better than me turning into a rage monster.
      I wish you well, and a speedy recovery.

      over 9 years ago
    • Heidi's Avatar

      I am sorry to hear that. I try to expect nothing from him, I really do but it's hard because we live with his mother and when I got put on bed rest the other day she has been very helpful and always asking me if i need any thing and that makes me look at him like he doesn't care. It makes me feel like that but i guess you have a point I am doing it to myself just never thought of it that way.

      over 9 years ago
    • hikerchick's Avatar

      Also, I think some men have such difficulty expressing themselves they end up turning it inside and withdrawing. I don't know any magical secrets to reverse this, I just try the obvious.
      Any way you look at it, it's very rough and you sound like a very strong woman.
      Good luck!

      over 9 years ago
    • CJhouse's Avatar

      So sorry to hear this. I am alone and wonder how I am going to handle all of this! Deep in your hearts their is a womans strength. I am taking my time and thinking each and every day that I am just going to try to stay happy.
      I am trying not to think about the ones who aren't there for me but trying to focus on the loving people who are there for me because the one person that is there is better then no one. Its a scary road to walk alone but I think of you because, I feel it would even be scarier for me if I walked it with a person that wasn't there.
      Lots of Luck!!

      over 9 years ago
    • tmclean67's Avatar

      My husband fortunately stepped up, but he worked 12 hr shifts 5 days a week. I feel that way about my 26 and 19 year old daughters though. I thought they would help more with a meal here and there and maybe some cleaning.
      It was my coworkers that were the most support and I could've leaned on them more. You think of the people closest to you that should be there the most but I found it was people I least expected. My closest friends didn't help. My problem was that I couldn't bring myself to ask , and the offers I didn't take them up on. Tell people what your needing and maybe the ones you wouldn't expect would step up. A lot of causual acquaitances stop me at work and talked to me about it and one even hugged me.

      over 9 years ago
    • Keephopealive's Avatar

      My husband and my ex-husband are totally here for me and my daughter and good friends but my son has nothing to do with me. I have not seen my grandchildren in months. Some little issue started months and months ago and he will not let go. He is filled with such hate and although he call himself a Christian he certainly shows no love of Jesus to me or my family.

      We took xmas gifts to their home on xmas eve and found their home empty! Can you imagine the hurt and pain that caused me? I have talked/texted a bit to my 13 year old granddaughter and she says why don't you bring my balloons over for my birthday grandma (I had a friend deliver them to her school) I said , Honey, I don't know where you live, we brought you gifts for xmas and your parents moved without telling me. of course, he checks everything on her phone and texted me and jumped on me...for the truth? I try not to think about it but it hurts...I was a very good mother/grandmother. My children were my life and for him and his wife to treat me like this is unforgiveable.

      over 9 years ago

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