• Mya's Avatar

    Family behaving badly

    Asked by Mya on Saturday, August 18, 2018

    Family behaving badly

    No support

    18 Answers from the Community

    18 answers
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      It is wonderful when you receive support from family and great when you get that support from friends too. What is not good and can actually be toxic is added stress or lack of support from those closest to you. If your family is unsupportive, seek added support from several groups of survivors on line. WhatNext is a good start. Many hospitals and treatment centers sponser various support groups, check it out and find the one that fits your needs. There are also survivor chat lines. Let your fingers do the walking through the Internet and find that support. Lastly, be open and honest with your family members, sometimes lack of support can be related to some form of miscommunication. Wishing you better days ahead.

      about 1 month ago
    • Julia468's Avatar
      Julia468

      If you are in need of more physical support try talking to a social worker. They would be aware of community services in your area and will help you set them up.

      about 1 month ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I am so sorry. That's really hard. Sometimes a cancer diagnosis really throws them for a loop. It did my son.

      Do you have friends who you can turn to instead? I relied a lot on some of my best friends when I was first diagnosed. It helped a lot.

      Like Lynne-I-Am and Julia468 suggest, you might consider online and/or in-person support groups. It might be really helpful to talk to others who have "been there done that."

      about 1 month ago
    • biga17133's Avatar
      biga17133

      Well that just plan sucks! sorry they feel that way but their lost ! You got a lot of us right here if you need to vent chat bullcrap or even cry on our shoulders even though mine are smaller these days ha ha,,i can get a towel and hold some tears give it shot!! we can chat about the locale news or the funny things in life to the zoo gorilla having a baby (if they are lol) or what's for dinner and yes even doctors why do they were white..lol but seriously sometimes Family just as scared and lost and they react wrong not meaning too but the thinking about themselves until it hits them "HEY" they the ones sick and they come running to your side 'hopefully' some it takes time and some just can't handle watching the pain just like others here my son to did it and it hurts but luckily he came to see I needed him and he needed me and he's by myside again. May be your Church can help with company and activities or some old high school pals , I will be praying for you and all of us who are in this fight to "WIN" and like I said you can talk to us anytime just pick up the keypad and give us a tap,,lol because I really want to know why do the wear white coats,,lol still taking a bath by myself biga17133

      about 1 month ago
    • Maryflier's Avatar
      Maryflier

      I know how you feel. One of my brothers visited me in the hospital when I had the mastectomy in November. I haven’t seen him since, nor my other brother or their wives.No phone calls, texts, etc. My husband’s family has been more supportive. I have great support from my husband and friends. I’m seeing my brother’s wives and my nieces for dinner this week. Wondering what they’ll say. Stay strong!

      about 1 month ago
    • Lovemypinto's Avatar
      Lovemypinto

      The one thing I’ve learned in my short time of having diagnosed with my breast cancer is some do seem to head for hills. No problem with husband or son....very supportive there. Lots of my friends have really stepped up, especially my barn buddies who are caring for my Pinto-boy. I have one friend, who’s a OR nurse, involved in horses like myself, but do you think she’s called me since my mastectomy...and barely after I was first diagnosed. Yes like one phone call. You know, I think some people are scared on many levels. Some don’t know what to say, afraid to say anything, or say the wrong thing. Cancer it seems shakes people to their core, patient, the family or friends. Just when we need them the most.

      about 1 month ago
    • banditwalker's Avatar
      banditwalker

      If it's possible, take a family member with you to a doctors visit. Call ahead and ask that the doctor can explain what is going on and what you are having to deal with. Sometimes hearing it from a professional is all some need. Hope someone wises up soon.

      about 1 month ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      As biga17133 said, we're here whenever you need to talk. We're not family or close friends, but we've been through a lot, and after awhile many people here ARE friends, if only virtual. It's a great cancer site, and we get to know each other. I hope your family wakes up soon. Hugs from Brooklyn -

      about 1 month ago
    • Ilenealizah's Avatar
      Ilenealizah

      I just wrote a blog post on this very issue, https://cancerbus.com/2018/08/13/oil-and-water-cancer-and-friendship-dont-mix/

      My family doesn’t even believe I have stage four cancer because I did and do chemo at home and “look too good” to have cancer. As an empath, it puzzles me as to how people can turn away when you need them most. My thoughts are with you and you will find your support network in unlikely places with people who you’d have thought unlikely to support you.

      about 1 month ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Nice, but sad, blog, @Ilenealizah.

      about 1 month ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      Mya I am sooo sorry. I have a large family...some have been super supportive others, not only are they not supportive but have tried to stomp on me in my distress... Luck for me I have alot of friends which I didn't realize before who have stepped up...some have run like was said before and some retreated only to come back down the hill later... I've had family doubt my mortality and tell me what they think. It's just so hard... So what I did and do is this... If my family or friends choose to be disrepectful or non-caring to me especially at this point in my life adios...don't look back I'm moving on... In the meanwhile I have to have support from somewhere so as others have said talk to the social worker, get involved with pallatative care so they can help you with resources, if friends ask to help let them. Remember this is your life your journey and how you choose to do it is your choice that is right for you... The attitude I chose was if you can't be kind when I'm in need then I don't want you in my life as I was and always will be kind to you. While hard at the moment its been kind of freeing as people are seeing the true colors of those who have been "fake" to me in the past... Hugs...

      about 1 month ago
    • Maryflier's Avatar
      Maryflier

      Well, I saw my family last night and asked my sister-in-law why she never called me. She was the closest I’ve ever had to a sister and the one I reached out to when I received my diagnosis. She said she knew I’d call her if I needed her. No anger here, just stumped. We left on a good note. As I read somewhere - TRYING TO UNDERSTAND SOME PEOPLE IS LIKE TRYIING TO SMELL THE NUMBER NINE.

      about 1 month ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      @Maryflier, I am glad you had a good visit with your sister-in-law!!! I wonder how often I sit around with hurt feelings when it is nothing more than a misunderstanding. Maybe people didn't flee as much as they either think I will do the reaching out if I need them or they just get busy with their own lives... Anyway, I am glad you had a good visit and cleared the air!

      about 1 month ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      So glad you talked with your sister in-law. Hope things are much better going forward

      about 1 month ago
    • Maryflier's Avatar
      Maryflier

      Thank you both for your support!

      about 1 month ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      Wow! How brave and courageous of you to reach out and let her know what you need. So many times people just don't know what to do... Hugs

      about 1 month ago
    • Maryflier's Avatar
      Maryflier

      Thank you Raz. I’m happy with my family situation. I feel stupid now that I let it bother me all this time. It’s who she is. I don’t know why I expected my situation to change her. Next time something is bottling up inside me I will address it sooner, but first look at it from all sides. I’m very grateful for whatnext and people like you to share my thoughts with. I hope you’re doing well!

      about 1 month ago
    • GeeKay's Avatar
      GeeKay

      Hi, Maya. I am truly sorry to hear that your family is not forming a great support system. My sisters and brothers have been great. My husband not so much. He is fairly selfish as a general rule and comes from a sort of remote and cold family. I have fabulous friends who have been there for me in ways small and gigantic. Some of my children have been great. One is terrified and sort of hides from me. My daughter tells me to call her if I need anything. Not helpful at all. People are people- some are generous and incredibly kind and the end of the spectrum is people who are selfish and incapable of being thoughtful. I am so very grateful to the first group and feel sorry for the last.

      24 days ago

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