• Fatigue and venting

    Asked by Kathy on Saturday, April 6, 2013

    Fatigue and venting

    Hi all. My daughter is getting married in a few months. Right smack in the middle of her engagement I got a recurrence and went through the chemo. I finished chemo the end of December. I'm so frustrated that I don't have more energy for all the preparations. Other family members are helping out - but it's with things I would of wanted to do. Of course I am thankful to feel as well as I do - to be a survivor and be able to be at the wedding.
    Thanks for reading.

    10 Answers from the Community

    10 answers
    • leepenn's Avatar

      sooooo suckeeeeeee!!!!!! but you are on the up and up now.. start small... is there something you can do that would make you feel like you're contributing but that wouldn't eat up too much of your energy? how about a photo book? how about a photo once a week every week until the wedding? maybe sit down and look at all the things you really want to do, and pick out your top two or three and ask about helping with those .... it's a huge bummer to be short a few matches during this time... but it sure is great that you've got matches...as you say. but, i can imagine that it's disappointing - this unfortunate timing....

      over 5 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      Hugs. Chemo the gift that keeps on giving. Yes it's great to vent, acknowledge those feelings. Not in the same league, but I missed a whole bunch of events (dinners, meet and greets, etc) in the run up to my DD College Graduation last may, but at least I was able to attend the event itself. My DD was so sweet, she kept telling me how boring those events were and that I really didn't want to attend them anyway. But I felt left out!

      over 5 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      You are truly unique, and only you can do the one thing she really needs the most on that special day...Be her Mom. It is the one thing no one else can do, and no other deed that you or anyone can do will mean as much to her on that day. Best of luck to you and congratulations to your daughter, Carm RN.

      over 5 years ago
    • derbygirl's Avatar

      I know how important it is for you to help with your daughter's wedding but I'm sure all she wants is for you to be healthy enough to be there for her big day. The preparations aren't as important as having her Mom there with her as she begins her life with her new husband. I wish your daughter and her future husband congratulations on their upcoming wedding. Take care.

      over 5 years ago
    • MarianneT's Avatar

      Pick out a few tasks that you think will be the most rewarding for your daughter and then solicit help to be an active part of those activities. although I was diagnosed after my daughters wedding, for me the most fun I had was shopping for my daughters dress and something like that could be easy just sitting comfortably watching her try on. My son-in-law lived in England at the time so I helped with food tasting, picking the cake design. There could be many things such as these that might not take too much out of you. Maybe just one or two experiences that mean the most to you both will help you feel more included.I am happy you are blessed with family to help you. But yes, most of all I am sure she is happy to have you there.

      over 5 years ago
    • sunshinemb's Avatar

      Have you tried Juicing; I got me a nutrabullet juicer; and every day I use it for two meals; breakfast and lunch; i always use fruit, and a green (like spinach or kale), taste great; and gives you so much energy. I'm into many holistic treatments that protect and heal the body after chemo kills all our good to. I ask that you just try juicing for a few days and see if your energy level comes up; it won't hurt you just pure nutrition. Gods Blessings.

      over 5 years ago
    • Carol-Charlie's Avatar

      Kathy... Congratulations!!! What fun to be there planning the wedding with your daughter. Since you are feeling less than your usual self - smile and say "I don't know how I could have done this without your help"... Just practice smiling and hugging everyone. Take a ton of pictures of all of you doing things to get ready for the big day. THEN when the day is here. Help her dress, or just watch her dress, tell her fun things about your getting ready to marry daddy day.... Put your lovely outfit on, and slip your hand through the ushers arm... Walk down that aisle with the brightest of smiles... tears that flow are such happy tears... (have makeup for repairs). Watch with prinde as your beloved child marries her love. Hug your new 'son' and tell him of your joy.

      I have found in watching children marry... most times it's not what I'd dreamed of... With my first son's wedding his two brothers were to have been best man) One (in the army) was shipped to Saudi Araibia a month prior to the wedding.... me... if you read my lips in the video... I'm saying over and over.... I didn't cry. I didn't cry when they mentioned "the best man in a war zone" I didn't cry when my younger son offered the toast as best man and broke down in tears when mentioning the other best man........ I smiled... I danced --- I prayed.

      So Dear Kathy.... Smile dance and thank God that you are with your children at this happy once in a lifetime event to give them memories of mom wanting to do it all for her little girl.... God bless you all... Have a wonderful wedding day with her.

      over 5 years ago
    • SpunkyS's Avatar

      What a kick in the heart this is!
      I agree with leepenn's answer. Pick the core of what is important and go for it.

      over 5 years ago
    • nmill11's Avatar


      Hugs and support to you. I understand and sympathize with your situation. No, I'm not getting married any time soon, But, June 1st, one of my nieces in Virginia is. I also have the son of a close friend getting married June 14th. I'm going to both weddings.

      Not having the energy? Yup, I am experiencing that all the time. I can be up and awake for a couple of hours and then I have to sleep for 2 hours. Then all I may have is the energy to watch TV. Around 4 pm, I have to have the energy to feed my cat, who is very understanding of this situation.

      It may not sound like much, but, be a proud fighter who WILL be PRESENT at your duaghter's wedding. Give what advice you can. Since she is a member of your support team as well as a future bride, she will understand you are giving as much as you can. Don't beat your self up, I do that for the both of us. LOL!!

      over 5 years ago
    • Kathy's Avatar

      Thank you all so much for your empathy and understanding. I got some much needed rest over the weekend and feel better able to cope. I am so excited for the wedding.

      over 5 years ago

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