• Forgive me

    Asked by AmyJo on Friday, December 12, 2014

    Forgive me

    Please forgive me for not being here as much, or for the lack of comments from me. It's getting harder and harder to come here and try to be positive for a new person or someone needing advice. Most of you know, I'm end stage with 3 to 6 months to live. I've fought long and hard, I've been as positive as anyone could possibly be during my cancer journey of almost 5 years and now that it's getting towards the end, well, I'm just bare holding it together.
    I decorated the house and Christmas tree with my husband and my children knowing it would be the last time. It was a very emotional day. Not a dry eye in the house, but we got through it as a family and I am so proud of my children for giving it their all to do this for me.
    Anyway...... I just wanted to pop in and let you know where I'm at.
    Love your families, caregivers, friends..... Life is way to short!!

    40 Answers from the Community

    40 answers
    • kkcomm's Avatar
      kkcomm

      No apology needed AmyJo! You have done a wonderful job of leading us with a positive attitude! Now it is our turn to hold you up. Please don't stay away on our account. We want to help!

      over 6 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      What a caring person you are for putting on a brave front for your family. I know you don't feel well, but I hope you can make this a Christmas for your family to remember. Take lots of pictures, video, etc. Also, during your private moments, jot down some thoughts for your family. My mother wrote her 4 children cards and prayers and gave them to me to share after she passed away. Unfortunately, my sister passed before my mother, so I gave her card to her daughter. Your family will treasure your final memories for the rest of their life.

      over 6 years ago
    • Jalemans' Avatar
      Jalemans

      Enjoy the holiday season with your loved ones! Peace to you!

      over 6 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      AmyJo,we are your WhatNext family.All of us on the site have and are fighting our own individual battles with this xxx disease.Forgive you?, no Thankyou for your insight,your sharing and your caring. Please keep in touch as you can. Wishing you a blessed holiday with your family and loved ones.

      over 6 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      All of these "last times" are emotional and hard. We went through this with both Mom and Dad. Sorry for you and your family that you are having to do this. It's heartbreaking. We all wish you the very best.

      over 6 years ago
    • ritafaystageIV's Avatar
      ritafaystageIV

      Dear Amy Jo,
      You apologizing to us shows what a kind, compassionate, loving person you are. You are thinking of your What Next family during your most difficult trials and tribulations. What a testimony it is to what a big heart you have. You have been a strength for so many people. It is you're turn now to gather what you need from us. We are hear for you. We will listen. We do not expect anything. Be yourself. Tell it like it is. Love and Blessings for you and yours.

      over 6 years ago
    • myronbob's Avatar
      myronbob

      AMYJOE you're extremely well loved here . you stay wonderful person and let a higher power decide how long .with all my very best . bob

      over 6 years ago
    • rwhdesmoines' Avatar
      rwhdesmoines

      AmyJo,
      I have not been a member long but I respect you very much already because of your postings that I have read. Please do what you need to do for yourself and your family. Thank you for all that you have done already to help make this site a positive and uplifting place for me and other newer members. I appreciate you very much and want to do anything I can to support you.

      over 6 years ago
    • IronMom45's Avatar
      IronMom45

      I've only been on since October but can see who you are and I'm so so very sorry. Words cannot express depth of feeling I have with this, please continue to let us know your feelings and never a need to say your sorry.

      over 6 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      Please you do not need to apologize and you do not need to be positive either! Just be your wonderful self and however you feel at the moment is real and valid!!! I hope that you feel comfortable saying whatever you feel like saying because all of your comments have been just great for me to read and I look forward to them, like I am sure everyone else here does as well!!!
      And I think that you are an amazing woman and an incredible inspiration and I don’t think that I could handle things as well as you do, and when I am in your situation I’m sure that I will remember your grace and your bravery and try to do better myself.....
      Bravo for decorating the house and the Christmas tree! I can’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for you and your family!!! All I can offer you is prayers and virtual HUGS!!! But you are definitely in my daily prayers and I am hoping that every day of your life is filled with love!!! God bless!!!

      over 6 years ago
    • ffingar's Avatar
      ffingar

      AmyJo, I haven't been here very long but have seen how much you care by how you respond to others. I can see how much this community loves and cares for you too. I know they will appreciate any of your time in the months to come.
      May you have a blessed and peace-filled Christmas with your loved ones. I will continue to pray for you no matter what...that the Lord fill you with his Grace and Love.....that He watch over your family, too.

      over 6 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Merry Christmas, AmyJo! I hope you and yours have a Christmas to remember - full of love and memories. My dad was very, very sick with lung cancer the Christmas before he passed away. I remember how difficult it was ... but it was beautiful too. I pray for peace and all things beautiful for you and your entire family and that you will feel as good as possible for the holidays.

      over 6 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      AmyJo, Greg used the word "heartbreaking," and that's how I felt when I read your post here (and I know we all feel that way about what you and your family are facing). I hope you have many more days with your loved ones and a peaceful and pain-free leave-taking. The angry part of me says, "This really sucks!"

      over 6 years ago
    • Lirasgirl33's Avatar
      Lirasgirl33

      No need to apologize Amy Jo. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all this. Please know that you have made a difference in so many of our lives here on Whatnext, mine included. I pray for strength and courage to get you and your family through this. Please know you are in my thoughts and if you ever need to talk, my ears and heart are wide open. If there is anything you and your family need please don't hesitate to let us know. I know we are so far from one another but regardless know that I'm sending you tons of hugs.

      over 6 years ago
    • Stylerman's Avatar
      Stylerman

      Amyjo, I echo the group no need to apologize to us. I just pray for strength and peace for you and your family. This is your time enjoy the holidays and put aside your worries.

      over 6 years ago
    • BeckyTice's Avatar
      BeckyTice

      AmyJo.... I pray that the rest of your journey is peaceful. Merry Christmas....

      over 6 years ago
    • zubsha's Avatar
      zubsha

      I don't think you should feel like you need to support anyone. You have to devote all your energy on you and your family I am just glad you check in once in a while I had a patient once who stopped treatment and got ready to die. I will be honest, that was 10 years ago and she is not with us anymore but she lasted way longer than the specialists predicted. All I am saying is look at tomorrow but don't project yourself too far into the future. Colon cancer may indeed be what gets you but the time frame is very unclear.

      over 6 years ago
    • Kebohs' Avatar
      Kebohs

      No one really knows how much time we have left so enjoy Christmas and every day with your family and friends. Do whatever makes you happy.

      over 6 years ago
    • NanaL's Avatar
      NanaL

      God Bless you and your family. May Christmas bring laughter, great memories and I'm sure tears also. May you feel the love and support from all of us here. You are an awesome lady and I have learned so much from you. Always remember the help, love and hope you have spread among us. I wish for you pain free days and being able to enjoy your family in every way possible. Love and Hugs!

      over 6 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      Amyjo Thank you for every post. Your courage is an inspiration to all. Your courageous fight against cancer is a victory.
      Prayers for your peace.

      over 6 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      What a gift you're giving your family. I only hope I can be as generous and loving as you are when it's my time. Love, hugs and strength to you, my beautiful friend.

      over 6 years ago
    • schweetieangel's Avatar
      schweetieangel

      Just you coming in here to tell us this means a lot hun.. enjoy your time with your family and friends that is where you should be right now anyways. You have given tons of encouragement along the way and i wish you the best of the holidays.. enjoy every minute ..big hugs and Merry Christmas

      over 6 years ago
    • Asanayogini's Avatar
      Asanayogini

      Will forever think of you and your fight, will be praying for you and your family, I appreciate who you are and love you Blessing for this holiday season and always.

      over 6 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      (((Big Hugs))) I feel tremendous gratitude for all that you have given and continue to give, sadness for what you and your family are facing, and hope for the best possible days ahead. No apology is needed. All of your feelings are valid and genuine, and we are here for you. <3

      over 6 years ago
    • Shanti's Avatar
      Shanti

      I pray you can continue to find the strength and peace to live each moment you have to the fullest.

      over 6 years ago
    • Rosa's Avatar
      Rosa

      AmyJo, many times I come to What Next just to know how you are. Your words give us so much courage and hope.
      Enjoy your time with your family, no sad thoughts, make memories, enjoy whatever time you have with them.
      You are in my prayers.
      Best wishes and blessings

      over 6 years ago
    • Judt1940's Avatar
      Judt1940

      What a strong Lady and your whole family is incredible. Wish I could say I had your grace. On here everyone feels this will come someday. Just want to know we will meet in Heaven one of these days. God Bless.

      over 6 years ago
    • chrismorr's Avatar
      chrismorr

      AmyJo, you are a very special lady, amazing really. I am of the opinion shared here with others not to listen so very strictly to your physicians who - let's face it.... are guessing as to time frames. They are not God, they do the best they can with the knowledge gained from some of their past experiences. But you are you, unique and individual, and the grand plan remains open for now. I truly hope you surprise everyone (including yourself ) ! God bless you.

      over 6 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar
      CAS1

      AmyJo, even if we are 90 we still want more time. Your words are wise.

      But that said I am hoping for a clinical trial for you to find a new treatment. Something to help you because where there is life there is hope. I feel this in my heart and I am wishing Hope for you.

      All the best,

      Cynthia

      over 6 years ago
    • aarongutier's Avatar
      aarongutier

      You are such a brave , strong and positive person.
      We can learn so much from u AmyJo. You are a true inspiration.
      God bless you and yours family.
      Our prayer are always wth you.
      I'm so sure your entire family is given you all the love and support.
      Lets not loose hope.
      Got is great.

      over 6 years ago
    • FROG1210's Avatar
      FROG1210

      AmyJo you are a strong lady and admire you. May God bless you and your family. I send lots of love support and prayers

      over 6 years ago
    • Christiana3's Avatar
      Christiana3

      It is hard to say things that haven't been said already. Everyone above has said everything so beautifully. I am so thankful to have gotten to know you and to have your support as you have been there for everyone also. I wish there was more I could do for you and your family. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. So please don't apologize. You need to take time for what is important for you. Love u and sending a super big hug.

      over 6 years ago
    • Lillyzz's Avatar
      Lillyzz

      God bless you and your family.

      over 6 years ago
    • shotgun's Avatar
      shotgun

      God bless you and your family.I too pray that everyone will love their families and friends.Life is too short and none of us know what tomorrrow will bring.Just trusting in Gods plan for me.

      over 6 years ago
    • judyinflorida's Avatar
      judyinflorida

      My granddaughter knows that I am stage IV and she decided to ask me a series of questions that she might never know if I died. They were the most interesting questions and I thought it was a wonderful idea. We corresponded by email so she can print it out and share it with future generations. Here were her questions:

      1. How did your parents meet?
      2. What has been your favorite thing about being a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and grandmother? What was your least favorite thing?
      3. What are you most proud of?
      4. Do you have any regrets?
      5. What are you most scared of?
      6. What's your favorite song and movie?
      7. What advice do you have for me about life in general?
      8. Who is someone in heaven you wish you could have lunch with?
      9. What's the most romantic thing papa ever did for you?
      10. What was the hardest thing about marriage?
      11. What do you think of when you see a sunset or the ocean?
      12. Do you ever miss living in Michigan?
      13. What's your favorite place that you traveled to?
      14. What is your best memory from your childhood?
      15. What's your greatest wish?
      16. What’s your favorite quote and why?
      17. Who is your favorite person and why?

      These are questions that can be answered by anyone who is facing their mortality, as a legacy for those left behind. Perhaps this is something you might want to consider. I think of you often and wonder how your journey is going. I understand that you can't continue sharing your feelings with us when you have so many people in your life, but we have appreciated you more than you'll ever know. Sending you virtual hugs )))
      Judy

      over 6 years ago
    • AmyJo's Avatar
      AmyJo

      Judy that is great!! I did something similar for my kids. I've been writing in separate journals for each of them.... some are sort of like the list of your questions, some are stories about when they were little, some were just about me,but it's all positive. I don't mention cancer very much. I just wanted them to have a book of memories!
      Thank you Judy.... I think I'm going to include some of your granddaughter's questions in my books.
      God Bless!

      over 6 years ago
    • Sk123's Avatar
      Sk123

      Judy, your questions are very inspiring! Im going to write down my answers for my kids to read; just in case!! :)

      over 6 years ago
    • MoveIt2012's Avatar
      MoveIt2012

      Thank you Amy Jo for the grace, love, compassion and dignity that you have inspired in me. My prayers continue to be with you and your family. As all have already said there is no reason to apologize and every reason to let lean on us when you need or want too.

      over 6 years ago
    • angeldancer's Avatar
      angeldancer

      I love you so much! Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for showing me how to yearn for life. Thank you teaching me how to advocate for myself. Thank you for holding me in spirit when I couldn't hold myself. I thank God for giving me my internet friend that got me through my first and second rounds of treatment. I love you from the bottom of my heart. May God give you peace!

      over 6 years ago
    • alivenwell's Avatar
      alivenwell

      My mom also did a journal. She pulled together pictures of each of us and placed names of people we knew as well as dates when pictures were taken. They helped me look back and review my childhood using my mom's perspective. Each journal was unique because each of us was unique in our own respective way. Hopefully that will serve as comfort for you and your family.

      over 6 years ago

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