• Has anyone lost their spouse and could tell me what to do to make it easier?

    Asked by Glenda on Tuesday, December 6, 2011

    Has anyone lost their spouse and could tell me what to do to make it easier?

    I had no idea that it would be this quick, and I am so lost without him.

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • fulto11's Avatar

      No. There are no words or actions to make it easier. I lost my first husband from a heart attack. It has been 30 years. I am remarried, love my husband dearly; but still think of and miss him. Do not let anyone to try to suppress your feelings...but try to stay busy. It is very hard. Lean on people. Find your faith. An older lady friend of mine told me, "For the next two years you will do things that will embarrass you...when you look back. Don't beat yourself up. Just accept and move forward." She was so right. The loneliness is the hardest. For every hour that you can get lost in a book, talk on the phone, etc...the more you will heal. Time is the healer. Keep your health up.

      almost 5 years ago
    • susie81610's Avatar

      I have no words that could make life easier for you right now. I do have you in my thoughts and will hold you close to my heart. I hope you are surrounded by the people who will give you the love and support that you need at this time. Take what time you need to gather yourself. God bless you and HUGS to you at this time.
      If you need to talk we are here.
      xoxo Susie

      almost 5 years ago
    • pj1955's Avatar

      I wish I knew the answer to this. I lost my husband 17 years ago. He was only 41. It does get better over time, but you have to give yourself time to grieve.

      almost 5 years ago
    • po18guy's Avatar

      I can only counsel you to delve deeper into your faith. If you are not a person of faith, please consider developing a relationship with the God Who will give you strength for your journey.

      As to the sense of loss, we would have no sense of loss unless we also had the gain of their presence in our lives for all of those years. I find it helpful to be thankful for the blessing of the time you had together and the love that you shared. None of this, once established, is gone, as it remains forever in your heart. By shifting our focus unto what we yet possess, instead of on the loss, we have the chance of waking each morning with an attitude of thankfulness.

      Will it be easy? Only if there was little love. For those who loved deeply, the loss stings deeply. Yet, your loved one would not want you to continue suffering, but to cherish the blessings that you shared. Faith is invaluable here, as it can grant you the strength to continue living your life.

      This is a very difficult time of the year to endure loss, and maintaining, or re-establishing relationships can become very important. There is a temptation to withdraw into the self, but this is rarely productive, as there is no one present to you to provide balance to your feelings. Your feelings will rise and fall, while the love you shared remains.

      You are in my prayers.

      almost 5 years ago
    • susie81610's Avatar

      Just wanted to say hi and hope that you are finding the strength and help that will get you through this hard time. Your in my prayers and in my heart.
      Hugs to you

      almost 5 years ago
    • Klyn's Avatar

      I lost my husband 10 years ago. Worst day of my life! He was my soul mate. I miss him dearly every day. It is not something you get over. But as time goes on you learn to cope. My grandchildren and my kids have helped. I think about him every day, but he wouldn't want me to be sad all the time. Just try and keep yourself as busy as you can. Travel if you can, do things that make you happy. Laugh as much as you can, think of all the good times you had. That always brings a smile to my face. Take care..

      almost 5 years ago
    • Indyen12's Avatar

      I lost my husband in September after 5 months - diagnosis of late-stage liver cancer. I was in the hospital having a lobectomy for lung cancer when he passed. We were together for nearly 26 years. As my head clears ( sort of ) from my ordeal, it is easier to grasp my loss. I'm seeing a counselor, talk to my friends and sisters, did a holiday grief thing via hospice. We love them and we miss them terribly - but we are still here and you know they would want us to find joy again, however small each piece is. Allow yourself to do whatever feels right for you, when it feels right. Don't let others keep you from your joy OR your grief. And time is the thing that lets the rawness subside. I still shed tears most every day, but I also embrace all the memories and smile. Good luck to you.

      almost 5 years ago
    • nick_satx's Avatar

      I lost my wife of 31 yrs 13 yrsw ago to lung,bone,brain and lymph cancer.I didn't know what to do,people who I thought were friends wanted nothing to do with me.Went to a few greif meetings but none of them were moving on and then I heard on radio about a group online and joined them amd it made a big difference.I could tell them anything and they didn't judge me because they had been thru it also.How you handle greif is different for everyone and as long as my son was ok with me that was all I cared about.It took me about 2 yrs before I was ready to move on and having people understand the process was what helped me.Now here I am with bladder cancer facing who knows what.

      almost 5 years ago

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