• Has anyone said to you "well everything happens for a reason" after them being told that you have cancer?

    Asked by Boogerman on Tuesday, August 13, 2019

    Has anyone said to you "well everything happens for a reason" after them being told that you have cancer?

    More than once, as a matter of fact, several times I've heard that from people that I know. It drives me nuts! What reason would there be for me to have been diagnosed with cancer? Saying that means that I was deliberately given a cancer diagnosis and I don't believe that. Have you heard this before?

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      Yes! I have heard this from well intentioned but ignorant people. If this is intended for us to somehow feel better and more accepting about our diagnosis ----- IT DOESN'T! I want to punch them.

      4 months ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      No, But "I" have said it to others.

      4 months ago
    • JaneA's Avatar
      JaneA

      People mean well when they learn that we have cancer, but they really don't know what to say. So this "things happen for a reason" is something they have heard before and say it, not meaning any hard.

      Try your best to just more on and not hold grudges. Honestly, they don't really mean that you did anything to cause your cancer. They just don't know what to say.

      4 months ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      No, I certainly don't hold a grudge. I know people mean well. What I hear when someone says this to me is that my cancer was somehow "ordained by god.". I don't believe that for a moment. But, yes, my cancer did happen for a reason. I have lived most of my life in a recognized cancer "hotspot" traceable to above ground nuclear testing back in the 50's. We are a sparsely populated , mostly rural area of the country yet every small community hospital is developing their own cancer care center and the infusion suites and waiting rooms are always full. So, yes, my cancer happened for a reason but not the reason implied by such statements.

      4 months ago
    • Shoeless' Avatar
      Shoeless

      Nobody ever said that to me but I have said it about myself many, many times. The local doctors here didn't really seem to care about my treatment so after some research I ended up going to IUPUI which is a 3 hr. drive but worth it. My case was simple enough that I could easily have been treated locally but then I wouldn't have found IUPUI, which is the most awesome hospital imaginable. When my daughter contracted AML 9 yrs. later I immediately took her there without even checking locally. There was never a question where she would go. AML is very aggressive & deadly and she had a hard time with it. She crashed soon after entering the hospital and was in a coma for 9 days. When she crashed they worked on her for over 2 hrs. to stabilize her. If she had been around this area she would not have survived. I have had several doctors and nurses tell me they would have worked on her for 30 minutes before pronouncing time of death. So yeah, it happened for a reason ~ I had cancer so I could find IUPUI & they could save my daughter.

      4 months ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      For me, I've never cared for that statement. I am not a believer that I have been given 3 cancer diagnoses and 1 stroke and nearly 100 different procedures over 32 years of my life for any reason. A "cause" and a reason for me are two different things. But even then, I don't think you will find 2 doctors that will agree on what exactly caused my diagnosis. Unless of course, I tell them that I bought 1 16oz bottle of round up back in 1999, then it's on!

      4 months ago
    • Paperpusher's Avatar
      Paperpusher

      My husband heard this so many times that he threatened to punch the next person who said it. I know it's well meaning and I've said it to myself but it's not helpful when you're scared to death and so sick.

      4 months ago

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