• hate being bald ....

    Asked by klou on Sunday, December 22, 2013

    hate being bald ....

    this is much worse than I thought....worse than surgery, tissue expanders and chemo....so I bought a wig, its cute! But my poor bald head itches so much, I'm trying different shampoos, scalp treatments, lotions....as soon as I come home I yank the wig off....my problem is my significant other can't stand looking at me and wants me to wear the wig....is he being selfish? I have a hat but its too hot and makes me sweat and itch even more....oh help!

    51 Answers from the Community

    51 answers
    • Bb31565's Avatar
      Bb31565

      Baby shampoo helps with itch. Yes, he is being inconsiderate

      over 7 years ago
    • midgieb's Avatar
      midgieb

      Klou, I hope I do not upset you but your significant other needs help! I cannot believe that he would tell you he cannot stand to look at you. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I am sure you are beautiful with or without hair inside & out. I have not had any hair now for 3 years and I have done it all, bald, scarves, hats, headbands and wigs trust it gets easier. Good luck to you.

      over 7 years ago
    • kkblack's Avatar
      kkblack

      I feel like he is being inconsiderate...my kids are the same way as him they are 19 and 20, but they dont want me wearing my wig, they say go bald mom, you look better bald!! well I feel better with hair and I love my wig, so you know what, the people we love and who love us can be so unkind sometimes and it kinda hurts, I just wish they would say your beautiful no matter what, because we are , we are fighting a battle like no other we have before! Im going to be me. Stay you and tell the hubby how that makes you feel, he needs to understand or atleast be more considerate. tight huggs .

      over 7 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      Yes he is being selfish, but my guy was the same way...some men can be jerks sometimes. Wigs are uncomfortable so during my bald chemo time I always wore soft cotton caps and silk scarfs. Just hang in there because your hair will grow back quicker than you think. It just does, I have a full head of hear now and I can barely remember being bald....although I certainly was! :-) Please take care of yourself, it is only hair...our lives are so much more than that! xoxoxo

      over 7 years ago
    • trouble241's Avatar
      trouble241

      I couldnot stand the wig or the thing ur to put under it,I said the XXX what folks think I'm fighting for life an it just hair it will come back. I hated loosing my hair ! Look ware ur head proud u have other things to worrie about a great pair of earings

      over 7 years ago
    • StamPurr's Avatar
      StamPurr

      Seems so silly, I know. And, it isn't like I've ever had great hair (altho I've always imagined that with the right cut - it would be fabulous -- and I'd be fabulous!!:-) This is only thing that has made me cry. I mean, like, really cry. Hated the wig. NEVER managed to get out of the house wearing it. I went with scarves, altho now that it is cooler I have worn a few hats. Also, I've gone with nothing! Turns out that I have a nice shaped head. Who know??? People don't like it -- tough toe nails!! Don't look. I've got more important things to worry about. Like staying alive... and, yes, IMHO you signigicant other needs to suck it up and get over it. You should, at the VERY LEAST be able to feel comfortable in your own home. Really... I mean it is your *hair* or lack of, that is a problem -- He has more problems than your hair. Again, just my own thoughts....

      over 7 years ago
    • BabsWon's Avatar
      BabsWon

      My hair has not come back enough to be comfortable going without a wig in public after nearly 2-1/2 years. I seldom wear it at home and my husband says he has gotten used to it, but he did comment that he never thought he would have more hair than his wife. But he better watch out because he could start losing hair as he gets older and then we may end up with the same amount! How would your significant other feel if they were the one who lost their hair for whatever reason? You might ask how they would like to treated if that happened. I hope you are able to get your hair back soon. Good luck.

      over 7 years ago
    • whirl's Avatar
      whirl

      I found my head to be cold and I wanted to wear a wig or scarf. There is nothing wrong with going bald and start a new fad. I was embarrassed to not wear one. Just do what you feel is best for you. Forget the others

      over 7 years ago
    • karen1956's Avatar
      karen1956

      I hated my wig worse than I hated being bald....I ditched the wig soon after I got it and wore hats...in the house I didn't wear anything...fortunately, my DH and my kids didn't care....once I was done chemo, I went naked.....the few times I wore my wig, I yanked it off as soon as I got in my car....
      This is about you and you need to do what is the most comfortable for you...I can't say that your significant other is being selfish, but its about you....

      over 7 years ago
    • SandiD's Avatar
      SandiD

      He is being selfish and not considering your feelings. I use to put lotion on my head every time I put it on my face. It really helped a lot! It is cold where I live so I often wore soft flannel beanies because they did not itch. When it got warmer I liked silky scarves or soft hats to go out. Hair grows back! I promise. I never got a wig because I hate things on my head. I hope your SO can realize how lucky you are to be here fighting and how unimportant hair is in the scheme of things. Good luck, you deserve to be selfish for now!

      over 7 years ago
    • sj1983's Avatar
      sj1983

      I totally agree being bald sux!! and having no eyebrows! I am really getting sick of having to draw them on.....Your hubby is being inconsiderate....but to be honest I cant stand myself bald.

      over 7 years ago
    • Vettelvr's Avatar
      Vettelvr

      Hi there,
      In a word, YES, he is being selfish. This is not your problem, it is his, and one he needs to get over. You do what is right for you. When I was out I wore a wig, and when I was home I wore a terry clothe beanie or a turbo made out of an old soft t-shirt. They are very easy to make and are very comfortable. Good luck, and remember, you are beautiful no matter what!!

      over 7 years ago
    • JennyMiller's Avatar
      JennyMiller

      I hated my wig. I loved my baseball cap so I wore it all the time -- even to church. At that point, I did not care what anyone thought -- I was the one going through this nightmare -- However, no one seemed to mind at all. Sometimes, I would forget the cap around the house and I would feel uncomfortable in front of my husband but as time passed, I got over that. One evening as we were watching TV, he said to me "you have such a nice shaped head" - WOW - that was the best compliment that I have gotten in my entire life. Thereafter, my husband would apply hot cloths to my head and massage it -- it felt so wonderful and I felt so cared for. Your significant other may be scared of what is going on with you -- seeing you bald may instill fear in him of losing you. Everyone is different in what they can handle in life and how they handle it. Let him know how you feel. Good Luck

      over 7 years ago
    • MLT's Avatar
      MLT

      Be sure to wear a cap under your wig. I didn't like wearing mine, scarves and bald were for me. My granddaughter cried if I put the wig on, she loved to rub my head. My son shaved his head to honor me. Sounds like your husband should do that. I agree, he needs help. You have enough to worry about without trying to please him. Wishing you luck with this.

      over 7 years ago
    • debrashiver's Avatar
      debrashiver

      Oh my, I just don't know what to say to this, everyone has been so supportive for me. My husband wanted shaved my head for me when my hair started falling out. At first I wore scarves and a wig but it was just to hot and the wig cap gave me headaches so I just decided I did not care what any one thought I went camando. Turned out everyone thought I looked better. I think your significant other is being an A$$.

      over 7 years ago
    • CyndiLou's Avatar
      CyndiLou

      I am so sorry your partner is that way. Maybe it's time to rethink that relationship. I am so lucky my husband has been so supportive. He doesn't care about my hair or my breast at all. Don't get me wrong he liked my naturally curly hair and lived my then 38D breast. But he was and is very supportive of my decision for double mastectomy. As far as you head itch in use Johnson's baby shampoo and it has been great. I even use it everyday and have never had any itch or any problems. You are going through so much you need to do what you feel comfortable with and heck with whatever anyone else thinks. BTW....I never wore hats, scarves or wig because I felt less uncomfortable going bald. Do what makes u comfortable! Good luck to you!!

      over 7 years ago
    • meema's Avatar
      meema

      Sounds like he's not so significant to me. Kick him to the curb. My husband has said and done some inconsiderate stuff during my cancer but he has also done some nice stuff too, if not he'd be gone by now. I have considered giving him the boot. My attitude is right now it is all about me for once and if you aren't on board then get out of my way. What ever makes you feel your best right now is what you should do. My husband at first said bald was hot, then he told me the wigs were hot. As time went on he asked why everyone else got to see the wigs and all he got was bald. I never wear anything on my head at home because it is what is most comfortable. I didn't respond I just gave him the look of excuse me what did you say. Since then he compliments me when ever I wear my wig, and he gives me kisses on my bald/fuzzy head every day, better approach. If your significant other is being quite blatant about his disgust get rid of him, if he slipped up once and said what he was thinking instead of keeping his mouth shut, give him another chance, he is only human and we all say stupid stuff at times we wish we hadn't.

      over 7 years ago
    • ChildOfGod4570's Avatar
      ChildOfGod4570

      OH, I know exactly how you feel, as my worst fears of chemo involved going bald, especially when my hair was the only feature of mine I had complete confidence in. I cried for days on end before andal through chemo. I don't think it's fair of your husband to expect you to wear the wig at all times. There are times when you will want it and times when you would just as soon leave it on the stand. Are there any comfortable head coverings he might like? I've heard of baseball caps with ponytails hanging down the back, and you can always wear a night cap to bed. When I lost my hair, I used baby shampoo every alternating day and a shower cap when I didn't use the shampoo. I brushed what was left of my real hair every day and went uncovered inside my house but was always covered up when venturing outside or in public. I love my wig but am ready to wear it because of choice and not necessity. I would say use baby shampoo on your head in the shower and baby lotion if you are completely bald. I hope I have been of comfort to you; I wish I could come through the computer screen and hug you right now. God bless you andMerry Christmas.

      over 7 years ago
    • ChildOfGod4570's Avatar
      ChildOfGod4570

      PS If your husband is supposed to have taken you for better and for worse and in sickness and in health, ne needs to accept this is a health concern that ou are going through, and thehair loss is a side effect. I'm sorry to sound cold, but he's making me furious. He needs to get over it! Isn't keeping you alive more important? Just had to get that out.

      over 7 years ago
    • HearMeRoar's Avatar
      HearMeRoar

      He is a jerk! He should go above and beyond to make you feel beautiful!

      over 7 years ago
    • baridirects' Avatar
      baridirects

      I just want to take a moment to express some compassion for your significant other.

      Many men operate with a "fix it" paradigm - they see something wrong, and they want to fix it. In this case, he knows in his heart that he just CAN'T, and I'm sure that's very, very unsettling to him. To see you without hair is a stark reminder of the fact that you're a cancer warrior, so perhaps it's natural for him that he wants to see you in that wig, looking more like what you did before your diagnosis and treatment. I know it's not quite the same as what you're going through, but I will share that my only brother, whom I called the day I was diagnosed back in late February, has not seen or contacted me since, and we only live 8 miles apart! At first, I was extremely distressed over this - how could he abandon me when I need him the most? - but through my counseling sessions, I came to realize that he simply can't deal with the fact that his little sister has cancer. Turns out that he had the same reaction with his first wife, who is also a survivor.

      Sometimes we forget that it's just as hard being a caregiver (in some ways, harder) as it is being a patient. There's a book, "Breast Cancer Husband", that might be helpful...or perhaps you might want to seek out an opportunity for him to get some counseling, if he hasn't had any. Even "tough guys" need an opportunity to work through their feelings about this journey in a safe, non-judgemental environment.

      The good news is that the baldness that comes with therapy is generally temporary...some of the itching that you're experiencing is part of the regrowth process, so take heart. I finished my chemo at the end of September (I was bald as an egg at that point), and I've already had to get a little trim around my ears :-) I never bothered with a wig - it's just too darn hot down here in Central Florida to mess with something like that. Instead, although I sometimes wore hats/caps/scarves, in the main, I simply put on beautiful makeup, cool earrings, and boldly wore my bare scalp as a badge of courage.

      I know what he's saying to you seems very selfish, and in some ways, it is, but it's also likely, at least in some ways, coming from fear and anxiety on his part for what you're going through. What's important to you is that you not assume responsibility for that - true beauty is not born on the outside, but on the inside, and I have no doubt that your beauty shines through, hair or no hair.

      This too shall pass.

      Namaste,
      Christine

      over 7 years ago
    • DianaL's Avatar
      DianaL

      Your partner needs to get a grip! You do or wear what is comfortable for you! I wore wigs to work and when we went out but once home off it came. My chemo was in the winter so I wore soft sleep caps. But if I had a hot flash off it came too! You are the one going through this treatment so you can live! My husband, kids, and my three youngest grandchildren (6, 5, and 1) loved my buzz! The grand kids thought I looked weird when my hair started to grow back because of the color. Hugs!

      over 7 years ago
    • MMarie's Avatar
      MMarie

      Can he not stand looking at you bald or not stand you having cancer and being bald? The former appears selfish. The latter may not be.

      I say whatever is most comfortable for your head is the way to go. I had a silk sleep hat that felt good for me.

      over 7 years ago
    • parank's Avatar
      parank

      I hated being bald too. Hair loss was the hardest part of treatment for me. I cringed when I read what you wrote about your partner, but is it possible that his trouble is that he is terrified of your cancer and doesn't know how to deal with that or how to communicate his fears to you appropriately? If it's just that he doesn't like the way you look, then yes, he's being selfish (to put it mildly). I never tried a wig....I knew I wouldn't be able to stand the itch and the heat. I wore soft cotton scarves in the winter, and used lots of lotion on my scalp for the itching. When it got warmer I switched to baseball caps, and wore headbands under both the scarves and the caps. That helped reduce the itch. Good luck to you.

      over 7 years ago
    • princess123's Avatar
      princess123

      I have a itching problem too. I've found Alpha Kerry lotion to do the trick. I wear a cap around the house. I got the kind with a soft liner. And its supposed towick away sweat. Hope you find something.

      over 7 years ago
    • tuwood's Avatar
      tuwood

      I live in a very warm environment, so I could not stand a wig. Soft cotton caps are the best... I wore mine all the time.

      As for your significant other, perhaps he is having difficulty dealing with his emotions... My husband wants to be my "knight in shining armor" and cancer was an enemy he couldn't fight. I was overwhelmed by everything I had to deal with and couldn't begin to understand how it was affecting him. I'm still not sure... As a general rule, men don't talk about their feelings like women do. Maybe he is being selfish, but I think we need try to understand how difficult it is to stand by and helplessly watch someone you love suffer.

      over 7 years ago
    • leslie48240's Avatar
      leslie48240

      Wow...this post sure got a lot of action and emotions going. I totally agree with Christine (baridirects) that your guy is probably terrified and seeing you bald just hits him hard in the face. I swore I would not be seen bald (hated the 'sick look') but gave up on that idea after awhile for at home.
      Husband was very supportive altho I could see the distress in his eyes...he cried with me when my hair fell out in clumps in the shower. He'll adapt...as will you! Try the cloth cap with or w/o the wig...as it was soothing for me. Also ... huge differences in wigs --and price wasn't the defining thing for comfort. My best (and turned out to be fun) wig was only about $30 at a huge beauty supply. Light weight and really stretchy soft inside. I felt I had to wear wig so as not to scare my pre-schoolers at work. Give your guy a chance...just as scary for him as for you!

      over 7 years ago
    • PinkPickle's Avatar
      PinkPickle

      Nutragena Theo shampoo helped me with my itchy scalp and a little cotton tube made by Buff...www.planetbuff.com was my go to when I wasn't feeling like wearing my wig. It keeps your head warm enough and also wild any moisture away. I lived in mine. With that said, your significant other needs to grow up. Requesting you wear your wig around the house when it makes you more uncomfortable than you already are is ridiculous. For the sake of argument, you may want to sit down and talk about how the request makes you feel. Talking with each other mayhelp your significant other realize why you can't wear your wig around the house.
      Good luck!

      over 7 years ago
    • Nanajudy's Avatar
      Nanajudy

      It's time for you to heal.......too bad for him.....

      over 7 years ago
    • ld_105's Avatar
      ld_105

      A scarf or headband with bow might work. Get a very dramatic wig, red, blue, blond tips, silver, and see if he likes those apples.

      over 7 years ago
    • Ladykarla's Avatar
      Ladykarla

      G-o-d love your heart. I wore fancy wigs. The fancier the better. I got so many compliments. Underneath, my wig, I had a gold mohawk. I lost my hair in a mohawk pattern and it turned gold from the chemo. G-o-d has a sense of humor. My husband is an absolute gem. We laughed all the time about my mohawk. I never wore my wigs in the house. Can't stand looking at you? Excuse me? I DON'T THINK SO! You are a child of G-o-d and you are beautiful. He needs some counseling from one of your oncology nurses. They'll set him straight. He needs to step up. This is your time. It is his job to be supportive and your job to get well. Keep us posted. YOU GO GIRL!

      over 7 years ago
    • Dcarver713's Avatar
      Dcarver713

      I have gone to the thin chemo caps that are generally for night wear. I also us the Gold bond anti-itch lotion, it is the only thing that has helped with the itching. Hope it gets better for you!

      over 7 years ago
    • joyuss59's Avatar
      joyuss59

      yeah he is selfish ! Glad my husband was and is not that way he loves me with or without hair ! I bought 2 different wigs in different colors and they were to hot in the summer to wear so I got into a lot of hats and scarves ! my husband has always encouraged me on and told me i'm still beautiful to him no matter what ! do what makes you feel good ! even though my hair has come back my head itches on both sides not sure if it's from the meds or what ! good luck !

      over 7 years ago
    • JODYRJ's Avatar
      JODYRJ

      I agree that the reaction is probably based in fear - in my case, it was my adolescent son who was pretty freaked out to see me that way. So, I told him straight up that when I went out or we were somewhere (his school, etc.) where he would be self-conscious, I would wear the wig or something comparable. I myself felt more comfortable (psychologically) wearing a wig at work but hated the feel of it and immediately removed it as soon as possible. Although I knew that the change in looks was really scaring him as to what was going on with me, I made it clear that inside the house my comfort, and not his, was #1. I got several options, like a cool cotton scarf that had bangs attached. That way, if I went for a neighborhood walk and didn't want to wear a wig I could pop that on, actually look "normal," and be very comfortable. It's hard on everyone around us as well as us, and it's true that different individuals handle that very differently.
      All the best to you - just know the time is likely quite short in the big scheme of things.

      over 7 years ago
    • NNN's Avatar
      NNN

      Hi Klou, there is a soap in the middle eastern stores ( don't know where do you live, but they are available in the US states) they call it Raggi soap ( it's originally from Syria and the color is brownish greenish and usually bigger than a normal size soap. It's very mild and natural and will not cause any problem to your skin, I personally use it for my body and my sister recently started using it because she had dermatitis in her scalp and she is felling normal now. wish you good luck. :)

      over 7 years ago
    • Snooks' Avatar
      Snooks

      How inconsiderate! Try wearing a turban. They are usually made of cotton (at least the one's I got from Paula's wigs are) and they are very lightweight. I did not use any shampoo, lotions or scalp treatments at all when I was bald and did not have a problem. You are not defined by your hair (with or without it) and anyone who admits that he can't stand to look at you desperately needs help. Good Luck and God Bless

      over 7 years ago
    • fiddler's Avatar
      fiddler

      Check out the American Cancer Society page for wigs. They offer something to wear under the wig. I've read elsewhere on this website that it really helps.

      over 7 years ago
    • lmsm's Avatar
      lmsm

      Are you wearing a cotton skull cap under the wig? I wore one but still got itchy after a while. At home I wore scarves ( thin and drafty depending on how you tied it) The magazine TLC has a huge variety of hats and various coverings. It is good to look just for ideas if you don't want to buy. There are always bins of hats available at cancer centers too. That way you can try a variety too. As for solving itch problems, a wig store or hair salon may have advice on the best way to control the itch. Hope this gives you some good ideas...

      over 7 years ago
    • junie1's Avatar
      junie1

      as with everyone here,, yes, he is being a bit inconsiderate,, cancer is so more out in the open now,, not like it was several years ago. People understand, and really don't even notice. When I see a female out in public, and see she is wearing a scarf, or a cap of some sort,, I say to myself," Good for her,, getting out and doing things!" some times the women have children with them,, sometimes they have a friend with them. When my daughter was going thur her chemo,, she even had her oldest daughter ( 9 at the time) help the hairstylist cut her mom's hair! It was a moving experience for all of them,, and when my daughter would go out in public,, the girls,, the other one was 4 then,, no one thought anything about her being bald,, she would wear a cap, or one of those triangled scarfs.. Good Luck to you,, God Bless,, june,,,,, Merry Christmas to all

      over 7 years ago
    • junie1's Avatar
      junie1

      you just need to be yourself,, what makes you feel good, or comfortable,, I know it's hard at first, but play with several ideas,, you'll get one,, and it will be perfect!

      over 7 years ago
    • Lauren65's Avatar
      Lauren65

      Are you serious with that? Being bald was the very LEAST of MY concerns compared to chemo, surgery, etc. I actually liked it, and my siginificant other (now my fiance') didn't mind either. Maybe the wig is not the problem,but who you are with? Just saying. He sounds shallow and selfish. I couldn't stand wigs, they too itched my head, so I stocked up on tons of cute silk scarves, and found clever ways to tie them for a different look each day. When my "stubble" started to come back in after my treatment was over, I ditched the scarves and just went bald. The TLC catalog (www.tlc.com) has alot of cute head coverings that wick away the sweat, and are even comfortable to sleep in. I still have mine, even tho my hair has since grown back. My fiance would keep his head shaved too, so we were bald togehter. Like I have said in many other posts, you do learn quickly who really cares for you, and loves YOU for YOU during times like this.

      over 7 years ago
    • dmholt1957's Avatar
      dmholt1957

      Losing our hair is a tremendous hardship on us ladies because our hair is part of our beauty or so we think anyway. It was very hard for me to lose my hair but I did go around the house bald. I was very fortunate that my husband didn't look at me any different than before. I wasn't just bald, I had lost one of my breasts at that time also. Now I have lost both breasts and I praise God every day that he loves me unconditionally and is just happy I am still here.

      As for your significant other, well I do think he is being selfish and inconsiderate, sorry. How would he feel if this was happening to him and you told him that you couldn't bare looking at him bald? He needs to stop and think about that. He needs to let you know no matter what he is there for and he loves you more now than he ever has before. We have enough to battle without all that going on. I pray you have a wonderful Merry Christmas!

      over 7 years ago
    • parank's Avatar
      parank

      Lauren65, I'm sure she is serious about that. There are countless surveys which indicate that the hair loss of chemo is the hardest part for many breast cancer patients to deal with. It certainly was for me. The very first thing I said to my husband and my best friend the day of my abnormal mammogram was "I can't lose my hair. I can deal with the rest of it. And I will. But I cannot deal with losing my hair." It isn't all just about vanity, either. For many, it is just like my friend with MS says...he hates to go out in public with his cane, b/c then people see his physical limitation and he feels like he loses his identity....he becomes MS, rather than himself. When we lose our hair due to chemo, we can't leave our bald heads at home, just like some day my friend will not be able to leave his cane at home. It felt like I had a sign around my neck that said "Hi, I have cancer."

      I worked in a hospital in the late 70's and early 80's. In those days many who were on chemo were hospitalized, bald, and suffering terribly. Then most of them died. I knew, in my rational mind, that we have come a long way from those days, thank God, but that association was hard to shake. It felt like, OK, you're gong to be bald, suffer miserably for a while, and then die. I knew that wasn't the case. But it was a hurdle I had to get past, and it was not easy.

      I was lucky. I did eventually become more comfortable with my baldness, and once I started wearing baseball caps with pink ribbons and "Fight like a Girl" logos I started feeling proud of myself for fighting the fight and for dealing with something I initially did not think I could. If this wasn't an issue for you, congratulations. But don't be so dismissive of what for others is a very big deal.

      over 7 years ago
    • Tarnation's Avatar
      Tarnation

      I hope I do not upset you too much but you asked it...Your significant other has a problem, and yes is very selfish! Keep the wig off and if you must wear a scarf - tell him if he does not like it, not to look!

      over 7 years ago
    • Mom007's Avatar
      Mom007

      I never wanted a wig. tried all sorts of fun scarves, wraps and hats. Especially liked the twenties look of a knit beanie with a fun, gaudy pin. Eventually, I just went bald. When I was in Disney with my kids, 2 weeks after a stem cell transplant, I was waiting for them to get off a ride. The sun felt good on my bald noggin. A girl of about 12, made a point to coming up to me and complimenting my earrings. I almost cried. What a beautiful child! If a stranger can offer empathy through a compliment, perhaps your man will get over his own pain of your condition, and consider your feelings...For moisturizer, use the Cerve, washes and moisturizers. Good-luck...Remember beauty is a state of mind.

      over 7 years ago
    • dkeith1004's Avatar
      dkeith1004

      Triple Nutrient for hair body and face worth wonders to prevent too much of a dry sand itchy scalp. It is by Garnier.
      Also, not being much over weight helps me, and real thin caps. Also, I had one wig chit short. Some wigs have a thinner cap/head piece tnan others. Good luck.

      over 7 years ago
    • whirl's Avatar
      whirl

      I glanced through the responses and one stood out from baridirects.
      She made a good point. We often don't think about the emotions and fears of the care giver. We are wrapped up in our fears and emotions. My spouse's irritable bowel worsened when I started chemo. It still has not gone into remission 4 years later. Men are from Mars and do not think the same way. I do think the "fix it" thought process is often their solution. I can also attest to being the care giver to our son who has a chronic disease which will probably be fatal and the tears I have shed seeing a vibrant life snuffed out is painful. Your husband may have many of the same fears for you but society often doesn't allow males to show any emotion so they show it in other forms like lets pretend it isn't there by wearing a wig. He may be selfish. However maybe we need to give him the benefit of the doubt, and have a good heart to heart talk if he is able to express his feelings and fears to get a common understanding where you both are in this issue. Again good luck.

      over 7 years ago
    • MsV's Avatar
      MsV

      I am the same way, so I got J &J Baby shampoo extra conditioning, remembered to wear put on the wig cap before the wig. It made it more tolerable, and when I get home, all comes off. I brush my scalp with a baby's hairbrush, then out on a pretty scarf. The scarf is for me, I feel too much air flowing thru my non-hair :-) My significant others are feline, and they don't care whats on top. Maybe your s.o. looks at this as a reminder of your current medical battles, and reacts in this fashion, or maybe he is just an insensitive clod. Only you know where he stands in the pro/con list. Do what is right for you, bottom line.

      over 7 years ago
    • ppsanta's Avatar
      ppsanta

      Try different wigs until you find one that is comfortable. I couldn't wear the scarfs or hats. My wigs were comfortable but you can't wear them 24/7. Tell him to get used to it, you have CANCER, for Heavens sake!

      over 7 years ago
    • Anamaria's Avatar
      Anamaria

      I know this post is months later. However I was compelled to write. I really don't understand your s.o. I know what others have said about getting help for him. I f he is agreeable to that than fine but as far as I am concerned he should be put out of your life. It may be hard without him but it would be harder living with someone that does no know how to be compassionate for what you are going through. If it were him you would be there helping him through every hurdle. He would probably lash out at you because he can not "fix it" meaning his cancer. You are in a battle for your life what does it matter if you wear a wig, scarf, cap or go bald. He should stand tall beside you and if necessary carry you. Sorry if I sound mean but I was my mother home caregiver for over 2 1/2 years prior to her death now I have breast cancer. I never told her anything that would hurt her and I will not have anyone in my life that would treat me badly through words or actions. It is your life and you must live it as positive as you can.

      about 7 years ago
    • Connieguth's Avatar
      Connieguth

      I am a first grade teacher and little kids say what is on their mind so I was afraid they would find me out wearing a wig so I wore scarfs. My students drew my pictures with my scarfs. Very precious! Our school had three teachers diagnosed that year and older students were trying to figure out who it was and one student finally figured out one of them was me and said "I just thought her hair was nappy!" That made me laugh so hard and made me feel good because to them I was no different and they saw me as a teacher and not sick. Wear cotton not silk. Silk slips off and cotton absorbs sweat. I got good at folding them and tying extra length in a knot at the base of my neck. You can find videos online. Scarfs match your outfits too! Get longer ones then bandana length.

      about 7 years ago

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