• Have you been accused of using the "cancer card", or have you done it on purpose?

    Asked by BobbyZ on Saturday, December 14, 2019

    Have you been accused of using the "cancer card", or have you done it on purpose?

    I was asked to go to a family dinner that's several miles away, a couple of hour drive. I declined saying that it was just too hard on me to get out at night in bad weather and drive that far. One of my family said I was playing the cancer card. It made me mad at first, but then I said maybe I am, I deserve to be able to. I can't say I've done it on purpose, but I will say that I have decided that if I don't want to do something I'm not going to, and If I do want to do something I will do it no matter what anyone says. I've quit living my life based on what others want and have decided to do what I want. Is that considered playing the card?

    10 Answers from the Community

    10 answers
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      There is nothing wrong with playing that cancer card! I have done it many times. As you said, we have that right and we have certainly earned it after what we've been put through and with the never ending side effects we continue to carry with us long after. Too many people think that once treatment is over we should be ready to just jump back into things. They don't understand how badly we've been beaten up physically and mentally.

      about 1 month ago
    • MickyM's Avatar
      MickyM

      I don't call it that, though. I *am* tired from treatment, and it *is* hard to go out at night (certainly to drive for hours!) If I don't feel up to something, that's what I say. If someone wants to insult me for it, it's a pretty strong case for never doing what they think I should!

      about 1 month ago
    • MickyM's Avatar
      MickyM

      And P.S.: There are plenty of well people who aren't gonna drive several hours at night in bad weather!

      about 1 month ago
    • BobbyZ's Avatar
      BobbyZ

      Thank you, i appreciate your responses.

      about 1 month ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      I took a class in coping with chronic illness. One of the things we talked about was conmunication. People are inpatient with us and we sometimes expect other people to understand what we're dealing with when, in fact, they have no idea. Tell people that the reason you don't want to get together or go to a show of shopping or whatever is because you are tired and sick from chemo or radiation or even long after treatment is over you still have a long period of recovery which includes fatigue, brain fog, aching joints etc..... Sometimes they just don't know.

      about 1 month ago
    • cards7up's Avatar
      cards7up

      Good for you! I've felt the same way since being a 2x LC survivor. If I don't want to, I don't and don't really care what anyone says or thinks!

      about 1 month ago
    • MerryMaid's Avatar
      MerryMaid

      I never thought of it that way, playing the cancer card. But before cancer I would go along with whatever the flow was doing. Now, if I don't want to, I don't, if I want to do something, I will. Life is too short to waste even 30 seconds doing something that you don't want to. If those around me can't get in my boat then they can jump out.

      about 1 month ago
    • Coloman's Avatar
      Coloman

      I've never heard it called that before, but I guess I'm guilty of doing it. But if we are talking about just not going somewhere because we don't feel like it, I'm guilty. Or even telling someone that you won't be home when they want to stop by, when you will be but just don't feel like having company. Guilty too. I don't see anything wrong with it myself.

      about 1 month ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      Most of us have at one or another. But how often do others use things like the parent card? Or I have a new pet or a new job or an early meeting. Are these things real? Sure, some of them are. And sometimes it's just an excuse because I don't wanna do it. The same thing is true of the cancer card. Sometimes it's real and sometimes it's a bluff.

      about 1 month ago
    • lararocks' Avatar
      lararocks

      You go girl(or Guy)! You have every right to say that, and I love that you don't care what people think of you or let them tell you what to do. That shows you are STRONG

      about 1 month ago

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