• Have you been told by friends or family that "you have changed"?

    Asked by Coloman on Sunday, December 22, 2019

    Have you been told by friends or family that "you have changed"?

    Last night at a Christmas party one of my Aunts said "cancer has changed you, and not for the better". Well, no duh!! Of course it has, I want anyone to go through all of this and be haunted by the idea that you might not make it through to see another Christmas and not change. As for the not better part, I think that's a reaction to the fact that I just don't have the patience to listen to her drama over tiny things that I now couldn't care less about, and I told her. This is reason # 836 why I hate the Holidays this year.

    3 Answers from the Community

    • Bengal's Avatar

      You're so right! If course anyone who has been or is going through what we have will be changed. People who have not been through it don't get how traumatizing the "CANCER experience" is and that it's ongoing. We don't immediately return to our old selves when it's "over" because, honestly, it will never be over. That's why it's so important to have a forum like WhatNext where we can talk to people who know exactly what we're dealing with. People are annoyed or impatient or even angry with us at times. That's on them. I try to not let it get to me. I already have enough on my p!ate. Good luck.

      11 months ago
    • JaneA's Avatar

      Having cancer reveals your true friends and relatives. Sometimes, they are not always who you thought they would be. We understand and I hope that you count us as part of your family now.

      11 months ago
    • Skyemberr's Avatar

      So many people have drifted closer to me or away from me since I was diagnosed that it's been a life lesson. I always knew that people would do that when things got rough, but cancer makes it play out dramatically. I am lucky to say that many people I didn't expect have stepped closer.

      The holidays are tough because we want to perk up and enjoy them and sometimes can't. Or loved ones want the same for us and sometimes they don't understand why we can't perk up and just be well during holiday stress. They don't know when we might know when it may be our last turn celebrating with them.

      As a result they can say and do such dumb stuff out of hurt, or thinking it will shock us into being more merry when we really should be on bedrest so we don't accidentally hospitalize ourselves over the holidays by doing too much. They can't fathom that some of us can't go shop at the mall that year or wrap presents, or bake, or do a lot of other things we may wish very much to do with our families.

      Hopefully your aunt will think a bit and come back to you in some other more positive way to share the season with you, and to get the time to understand where you are coming from this year, and next year too! I'm sorry you are having to experience this sort of treatment right now.

      We only have a few more days and then the wheel will begin to spin again in a fresh year. Hopefully the ones who don't see how precious these times with family are for us will be more sensitive and we will all be ringing it in with them again in about 371 days or so.

      11 months ago

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