• JAR's Avatar

    Help!

    Asked by JAR on Tuesday, August 13, 2013

    Help!

    My Father in law has stage 4 prostate cancer (for the past 2.5 years) and in the last month has taken a turn for the worse. He really wasn't the nicest guy before but now he is just being cruel to my mother in law. I want to sympathize with him because I know he is dying but my mother in law is starting to fall apart. She is an amazing woman who is taking care of him and he just curses at her and calls her names. I know he has a right to be angry and that it is the cancer talking but that doesn't make it any easier on her. This is a terrible situation for everyone and we are all suffering. I am encouraging her to get help but once when she tried he yelled at her and said why do you need support when I'm dying. Her own children are struggling and don't help her much. I am trying to be there for her and listen to her. What else can I do? I am worried about her health too!

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • ladyhawk's Avatar
      ladyhawk

      keep praying for him and her patience,,, bless her heart for being his caretaker,, that is love! most folks may want to walk away from it all,,, but we need to relax him, you know the cruel words are not really meant, anger can really take over a mans pride,, he's not upset at anyone,, just "WHY HIM" syndrome. I was there once and i'm a mom,, but figured it out! and cancer saved my life and soul believe it or not! lets start by nice calming teas, and classical music and give him space. and in the mean time, you ask yourself, how would you feel if that was you in his place? :(

      about 6 years ago
    • MichaelV's Avatar
      MichaelV

      try slipping your father-in-law 10mg of Lexapro in his food or drink everyday. It may improve the situation. Also, she can go to support groups and he need not know about it, this can be of great benefit to her.

      about 6 years ago
    • tspoon's Avatar
      tspoon

      I agree with Gibba, but I wonder if there are brain mets involved? Doesn't matter really, as a caregiver/spouse I can relate to your MIL, but I do look at mine and tell him you are asking for a good beating or something to that effect and the horse a** stops and shuts up for the rest of the day. I do wonder, because I look crazy enough or he knows he deserves it.

      At the same time I also tell him that when this is over does he want me grateful he is gone, or does he want me to remember him fondly?

      about 6 years ago

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