• Help with helping my father deal?

    Asked by Aianna34 on Friday, September 30, 2011

    Help with helping my father deal?

    my father just got diagnosed with NHLymphoma. He is going for his first petscan tomorrow. I am scared. very scared. but how do i help him deal with just finding out about this? any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • Bobbie's Avatar

      hello aianna i have cancer and the only thing i can say right now is be patient respect his wishes and try to help when he needs and wants it and just try to show your love and compassion as his daughter my family drives me crazy trying to pasifify me most of the time i just want to be left alone be supportive if you can not a nag its really hard i can say im fustrated tired and at times scared and with pain so if you take it minute by minute or day by day i am very grateful i have my faith in God i pray alot and i just make it i know he not does give me nothing i cant handle well hope this helps good luck God bless

      over 9 years ago
    • lovekitties' Avatar

      Hi Alanna. You need to take your cues from your dad as to how to be supportive. For some of us with a cancer diagnosis, we accept it and move on to what treatments/procedures may help us. For others, the diagnosis can be devistating. So just let him know you are there to listen, help, do whatever he wants/needs. He might find it helpful to have you go with him on visits to take notes or be the keeper of questions he wants to be sure to ask the doctor. He may want to talk about things which make you uncomfortable, such as a living will or estate planning. Just make sure that whatever you 'sign up for' you can handle emotionally while in his presence. As you find out more, be sure to ask here about anything. Best wishes to you both.

      over 9 years ago
    • NancyE's Avatar

      I love both of the responses so far you have received -- be patient and be there and offer to help. That is all you can do, but be sure and to be a positive force and have faith.

      over 9 years ago
    • Aianna34's Avatar

      Thank you all for your advice and compassion. My father isnt really socializing with me that much since he found out. His first chemo therapy is tomorrow morning at 8am till 3pm. The petscan revealed a stage one diagnosis, but I continue to urge him to get a second opinion, just to be on the safe side. I have researched and talked to a lot of people about his cancer and know more than my parents do at this point, but they want no advice or knowledge from me. Is it normal for people to shut everyone out with exceptions when this happens? Because as his daughter I find it very difficult and confusing. again thank you all for your amazing answers and empathy. <3

      over 9 years ago
    • lovekitties' Avatar
      lovekitties (Best Answer!)

      Dear Aianna, you asked if it is normal for people to shut everyone out. First of all there really isn't a 'normal' for dealing with a cancer diagnosis. A lot depends on the relationship before diagnosis. In my case, while I feel I have a close relationship with my family, I have always been very independent...seldom looking for advice or help...so I did keep them out of the decision making process. Not because I didn't care, but because that is how I needed to deal with it. For some it is easier to deal with emotionally to not discuss what is going on. Perhaps you could approach your mother, and let her know your concerns and willingness to help. Just keep your heart and eyes open...am sure you will find a way to be there for them both.

      over 9 years ago
    • mspinkladybug's Avatar

      just love him be there for him give him his space to deal with everything everyone reacts differently society has a balm the victim like we did something to deserve cancer XXX we already wonder what we did wrong but there is shame that is placed upon us do not let him feel shame. just love BE THERE so many people run and hid when a loved on is sick let him know love do not run he would not run out of it was you and you are not going to run out on him! I am 3 years out and to be honest i still have not dealt with all i am still standing at the dr going"what do you mean i have cancer?' time is what it takes to deal.... until then love

      over 9 years ago
    • ScrapbookerKay's Avatar

      I didn't want any one to know that I had cancer, I didn't want to be treated differently. You'll have to follow his wishes. I'm also the type of person who says now that it's broken and do we fix it and how soon do we start. I'm not known for my patience. I never really felt depressed, but I know a lot a people go through depression to some degree. Just be patient and follow his lead. With the advances made with NHL, he'll be following maintenance in less than 6 months. Good Luck!

      over 8 years ago
    • Kate1812's Avatar

      I had so many masses they could not count and
      Many the size if tennis balls
      The treatments they have now are pretty amazing
      After 2 treatments of CHOP and Retuxin my large
      Masses shrank to the size of golf balls and most were
      Gone entirely.
      The treatment is very hard leaving your body weak
      But I took proactive steps to build back what was
      I drank lots of seltzer water and took chlorella, and did a no animal
      Protein diet for the first week after Chemo
      To reduce the acid effects and I did not have so much nausea
      Finished my treatment in Nov and all masses were gone
      The treatments are hard but they work
      Never underestimate the power of prayer in behalf of your loved one.
      And be patient, I had many rough days with my daughter
      Because she expected me to be the tower of strength I had always
      But I was weak, scared, and uninformed and not
      In control... With Knowledge came more control, and more hope.
      But it is a rough Rocky road.
      Just keep moving forward, each day

      almost 8 years ago

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