• Helping my helper

    Asked by SouthernMom on Thursday, February 28, 2013

    Helping my helper

    I am looking for ways to give back to my husband. He has been very stressed throughout this process, and I want to help him in any way I can. We still have a long road in front of us on this journey, and I want to know what I can do to make this easier on him, too. Everything has been about me. What about him?

    6 Answers from the Community

    6 answers
    • HearMeRoar's Avatar

      Hey lady!

      I think I will be asking this same question soon. I am almost 2 weeks post mastectomy. My mom came in town for three weeks which has been a huge help for me and my hubby. I will have 6 doses of chemo of which he will accompany me to 3. Hopefully that will help.... I also plan to drive myself to all the rad treatments. I know it will be hard on him and such... my kids are 8 ans 10 and are pretty independent....

      Best of luck to you!

      over 3 years ago
    • bbay65's Avatar

      Great question. I have been dealing w/ cancer for 2 yrs. 5 months ago my husband had to revive me 'cause of a heart problem. He has been a trooper. We have 2 teen-age boys @home. I make a point of Thanking him often. Cards can say a lot. We are lucky that many of our friends appreciate what he deals with. Maybe remind his family and friends that he needs attention too. Good luck and I'm glad that we were blessed w/ great husbands.

      over 3 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      One thing you can di to thank them and help them is to give them some time off to do what they want, either alone or together. Caregivers need to be sure to take time for themselves and allow them to have thier life and thier feelings. Too often it becomes all about us cancer patients and the cancer. They need to be able to express thier feelings and escape the cancer world for a while. I encourage my wite and caregiver to have her hobbies and interests away from me and the cancer. Her time away helps her refresh and be ready to help me. Good Luck

      over 3 years ago
    • IKickedIt's Avatar

      Great answer, Peroll. My husband had a much more difficult time dealing with my cancer treatments than we ever expected. A few months in, I realized that I was going to have to help him because he didn't realize he needed help nor did he feel that he needed the time off. I took matters into my own hands and started to call good friends of his (or their wives) and suggested that the guys go out for dinner or to a ballgame, etc. He really enjoyed those boys nights out and thanked me for setting them up. We went out to dinner one night with casual friends, the wife is a cancer survivor and as couples, we could discuss everything and then the guys made plans to get together on their own. The husband took my husband under his wing and invited him to join their poker club. As a result, my husband now has a great new group of pals who get together to play poker, go out to dinner, go boating or hiking together and sometimes we all get together as families.

      I encouraged my husband and teenage boys to do things without me. I didn't want my cancer to affect our normal lives anymore than it had to. I love baseball games, but there was no way I could go to the ballpark not being able to control my bowels. They were upset, but I assured them there would be other opportunities and I'd be more comfortable at home. They went, called me, texted me. I watched the game on tv and we enjoyed the game together from a distance. I assured them that I would be fine by myself (and I had friends who were close if there was a problem), but I encouraged them to go places and I never made them feel guilty.

      My husband would take a day off from work on one of my "good" days, and we'd have a good old-fashioned date together. Lunch together, a movie, a walk on the beach or walking in the park. We always looked forward to those dates.

      over 3 years ago
    • HeidiJo's Avatar

      My husband was an absolute rock for me! He was so protective and did everything. I just made sure he had some for himself. However, the only way he would do that was if I had someone taking care of me. And I had to make him not feel guilty. He would say that if I can't take a break from the cancer, then he wouldn't either, but I reminded him that it would do us both good if he was refreshed and well rested.

      over 3 years ago
    • Nomadicme's Avatar

      My dad came to Atlanta to take care of me. Many times I felt it was the other way around lol. The days I felt well I made sure we watched movies through Netflix or rented through redbox (he likes movies). I also got to some when I was feeling good. For the 4th of July I was not well, so I made him go spend time with friends (I wasn't in danger, and it was long enough after treatment start that he felt comfortable with that). For Father's Day I got him nice gifts :)

      over 3 years ago

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