• How Can I Best Support My Best Friend

    Asked by ChathamGal on Friday, May 31, 2013

    How Can I Best Support My Best Friend

    My ex-husband and friend of 30 years was just diagnosed with stage IV throat cancer that has spread to his neck and we are waiting on the results of a tongue bioposy. He was given a survival chance of 40-50% . I'm devasted

    6 Answers from the Community

    6 answers
    • KarenN@StF's Avatar

      I'm so sorry for you and your friend. My heart goes out to you. I think it is important to just keep being the same person to him that you have always been. Approach subjects gently and ask if he wants to discuss. Be there if he wants to talk and let him set the pace for addressing the next issues. Allow time for each of you to come to grips with this news and decide how you want to deal with it. Tell him how much he means to you in your life. As much as possible, stay in the moment and spend time doing things that you both enjoy. Laugh when you can, reminisce, be grateful for small victories each day. Your lives will never be the same now that cancer has become part of it, but it can still be good and fulfilling and fun. Fight the fight, but live life. Best Wishes!

      over 3 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar

      you can do the reserch for him. Chcek out the books available @ Cancer Support Community.org
      or order by phone at[phone number redacted]

      Then find the best Dr's you can find for his cancer and get into those dr's. Remember you can get a therapy plan and then have local Dr's apply the plan near your home. But getting the best treatment plan you can is the most important.

      over 3 years ago
    • Gabba's Avatar

      There are lots of things you can do...if possible, try to attend his appointments, there is so much information to absorb that an extra set of ears is sooooo helpful...be sure he has a list of questions to be asked and answered (and understood!)...help him research his options...connect with the best cancer center in your area...let him lead the discussions, sometimes just having someone listen to our fears and concerns without judging us is what we need...it is so great that you found us here...we are cancer survivors and caretakers, we are friends you just haven't met yet...please keep in touch with us...ask questions, seek support, and vent as often as you need to...keep yourself healthy, get plenty of rest and eat well, you will need your strength to help him but let him see your vulnerability too...how wonderful that you and your ex get this chance to be there for each other again...I am wishing you both good luck and God bless!

      over 3 years ago
    • itsjustme736's Avatar

      Be there for him, if you can help, do it

      over 3 years ago
    • ChathamGal's Avatar

      Thank everyone so much for your great responses. We had a good visit yesterday. He doesn't want to discuss which is fine. I was shocked by the size of the tumor on his neck but he said the swelling was going down and that it was just swollen from Monday's biopsy. His former girlfriend lives with him and she is taking care of all things medical. She is going to find a therapist too talk to and I told her about this site. I told her I'd be there for her as well. Thank you again for having this site. I'll be glad when my crying spells stop. I didn't cry once in front of him so I'm making progress.

      over 3 years ago
    • Gabba's Avatar

      You are a very generous soul...you are making yourself available to an ex-husband and his former girlfriend, it does not get much better than that...cry all you want, it is good for the soul...vent to us if you want...know that we are here for you and him and her! God bless you all!

      over 3 years ago

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