• How can I deal with losing my hair and going through treatment alone? How can I tell my parents about it cuz I can't hide it anymore?

    Asked by BaldEagle on Thursday, February 7, 2013

    How can I deal with losing my hair and going through treatment alone? How can I tell my parents about it cuz I can't hide it anymore?

    I decided not to tell my parents because my mom is not one to know how to show support the right way. I'm losing my hair super fast n it's falling out by chunks n it's becoming very hard for me to hide. But I dnt kno how to tell them. No one around me understands. They dnt get dat if I'm not sleepin at night it's not by choice, they dnt get that if I dnt want to get out of bed its not because I dnt want to but because I just really can't n it's hard to even open my eyes sometimes even thought its like 5pm. I'm so alone n I just need someone to talk to that truly understands. I have 3 lil boys and their dad and I haven't been together for almost 2yrs n had many problems between us but ever since i told him about my diagnosis he has been trying to be there for me to talk to but he doesn't know what to say bcuz he doesn't understand any of it. I feel like I'm dying. :'(

    19 Answers from the Community

    19 answers
    • GinaNoll's Avatar

      You need to tell your parents you have cancer its not your fault they might understand on how u feel. Cancer is serious you need to tell them u are young they could help u the best they can

      over 3 years ago
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar

      It sounds like you're alone because you've made the decision to keep everything to yourself. I can understand not wanting to stress others out but cancer really is a family disease. You should absolutely tell your parents. Give them the opportunity to help you through this. You shouldn't count them out so quickly. I know what you mean when you say you feel like you're dying. Are you receiving cisplatin as part of your chemo regimen? I believe this is one of the chemos of choice for your cancer type. I received cisplatin as one of my chemos so I know how rough it is. But remember, you feel like XXX because world war III is currently taking place in your body but what's dying is your cancer. Try to keep your chin up. There are better days ahead!!

      over 3 years ago
    • Mel's Avatar

      Oh my word!!!.... You need to tell your parents, they could surprise you and be there more for you than you think, you so can't go through this and not tell them and if in turn they do not at least you told them and shame on them!!... And that is great your kids dad is at least trying that has to mean something. You have people to turn to here for sure...

      over 3 years ago
    • KimmieJo's Avatar

      It can be very difficult to tell family members, but I think that they should know. Be honest about what is happening to you and don't be afraid to ask for help. Some people are unsure of how to deal with this kind of illness when they are not the actual patient and are on the "outside" looking in, so maybe if you fill them in on things that you need help with it will get them a little more comfortable with the situation and they might even suprise you!

      over 3 years ago
    • Julie99's Avatar

      I understand not having supportive parents. I told my parents the day I found out but I have limited my contact with them. My mom just knows how to push my buttons. Maybe because she created them.
      Sharing what you are going through is a personal decision. I have told everyone at the small company I work for, all of my family and friends. I have been AMAZED at the outpouring of support I have received. Although I didn't flat out say "I have breast cancer" on my facebook page, many people were able to figure out that something was going on based on what I did post. Today I'm having lunch with someone I haven't seen in over 15 years. The support I am receiving is coming from the most unlikely places.
      I've also reached out to local support groups to find people who do "get it" and understand my fears, losing my hair, starting chemo, surgery, etc... That has really helped. Plus this site too. The support here is incredible.
      For me, I have found that the more I open myself up, the more support I receive.

      over 3 years ago
    • GypsyJule's Avatar

      Telling my parents was the hardest thing. Don't worry how your mom will show support yet, she may surprise you, and it's important that you tell your parents, and others, what you need. There are also support groups that you may find comfort in, although, while I was going through chemo, I didn't have the energy to go to the meetings.

      I'm pretty independent, and I never like to ask for help for anything, but when I told people what I was going through, and they wanted to help, I accepted. For the first time in my life, I thankfully accepted help from whoever offered, and sometimes it was hard to do, but it helped me get through the worst time in my life.

      Good luck to you, and I hope we can help you get through this!

      over 3 years ago
    • leepenn's Avatar

      As someone who has not had contact with birth parents in about a decade, I can understand a whole host of reasons why telling your parents might be a bad idea. However, it sounds like you have close contact with them.... Knowing nearly nothing about your family situation....

      I would strongly recommend you request a bit of counseling. This might help you work out what you do and do not want to tell your parents and your children.

      Here in MN - we have this AWESOME foundation called MN Angel (not religious). It's specifically for families in which a parent is dealing with a cancer diagnosis. Maybe a social worker at your cancer center can help you find resources like this? The social worker at my cancer center is amazing, and she has been immensely helpful in connecting me with resources. So, I highly recommend asking about meeting with someone so that you can get connected with good and supportive resources.

      I'm so sorry that you have these added stresses. I hope you are able to find peace with your family situation and come to a decision that will be best for you and for your children.

      Best wishes,

      over 3 years ago
    • Nancebeth's Avatar

      I didn't have any family to tell, as both parents died of cancer and my brother committed suicide. I know how hard it is to go through this alone, however, I did tell friends and I had their support 100%. I cannot imagine that if my parents were around, I would not have told them I had cancer. Please tell them. It is not your fault you got cancer and they will probably be way more supportive than you think! Also, check out a group called www.stupidcancer.org, it is geared specifically for cancer patients and survivors under 40 years old.

      over 3 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      Oh my goodness, you need to let your parents, family and friends know ASAP. You need a support network. You may be suprised at how helpful and supportive your mom will be once she finds out. People have a way of raising to the challenge of a major health crisis. I am glad your boys father is giving you some support.

      Speak to you oncologist about finding some one who specializes in cancer patients to talk to. Find out what services are available to help with .getting you to and from appointments, house cleaning, etc.

      over 3 years ago
    • SouthernMom's Avatar

      Give others the benefit of the doubt. I was absolutely amazed by the generosity and support from people I hardly knew. And after all, they are your parents. When I was thinking about what to say to mine, I thought about what it would be like if one of my children had cancer. What would I do/want if I were the parent? Think about it that way. You are a warrior in this fight, and you are not alone in this. Remember that.

      over 3 years ago
    • Giraffe's Avatar

      I took control of my hair loss and had it shaved on my terms. At least I felt in control. My support system is beyond what I expected and this makes life easier. Sharing is a good thing. When you share people have the opportunity to help and be there for you. Sharing will also give you someone to talk to, it is much easier.

      over 3 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      I totally understand the unsupportive parent situation (mine have been horrible). But at this point, I think you need to tell them, if only so you can call on them in an emergency if needed (it will be easier to get their help if they have a heads up), if you need help with your kids, etc,. and so they have a better idea of your behavior which it sounds like they are questioning. You can always cut them out later if it doesn't work. This is all about you, so don't be afraid to take advantage of every bit of profit you can at this point. You can pay back later.

      Its great your ex is trying to be there for you. Suggest this site if he wants to learn more. Sounds like he wants to help. A shrink could help as well.

      over 3 years ago
    • karen1956's Avatar

      can you find a local support group? if your parents don't know they can't offer any help....reach out to people for help...with meals, errands, play dates for your children...if they are in school let their teachers know...people can't reach out to help you if they don't know that you have cancer and are in treatment.....

      over 3 years ago
    • Lindy's Avatar

      Wow, you darling girl. There are support groups for young patients, you would benefit there as your life/cancer issues are so different from us old folks. You have children who must be cared for, kept informed of your health. Parents, yes, inform them no matter what you fear, as was said, maybe they will surprise you. I can't imagine dealing with so much so young. I will hold you in my heart and prayers.

      over 3 years ago
    • Lirasgirl33's Avatar

      I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. The feeling of being "alone" can overwhelm but you have to see that you are not alone. There is no reason for you to go through this alone. Reach out to family, friends, support groups, anyone you can think of. This diagnosis doesn't just affect us physically but also emotionally. To get through the physical parts of it we have to be strong mentally, emotionally. Please please don't isolate yourself. You have your babies to fight for with all your might. I would suggest calling the American Cancer Society and letting them know you need help. Whether it's financial, support groups, etc, they'll be able to direct you to resources in your area. Please know we are all here for you. Sending hugs to you and your family.

      over 3 years ago
    • SpunkyS's Avatar

      Praying for the strength, courage, healing and support you need.

      over 3 years ago
    • BaldEagle's Avatar

      Thank you everyone for your supportive words and advice. I appreciate it very much.

      over 3 years ago
    • joyringland's Avatar

      tell every one.
      just do it, when you get any chance to.
      have someone cut all your hair to the scalp and get rid of it.
      then do scarfs....wrapped around ..all sorts of long scarfs wrapped around, twisted and wrapped and twisted again and then tucked in.
      do hats/caps/wigs.........ACS has one free wig..............
      go to classes to learn how to appy eyebrows.............
      wear earrings.......I think they are very important without hair....particularly.......
      and line your eyes if your eylashes fall out as mine did.......
      at age 23 you should look lovely!
      now put on the smile............particularly when you look at your self in the mirror!

      over 3 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar

      I'm sorry you feel your mother won't be supportive. I can imagine scenarios where you might be right. It might take a while for your parents to come up to speed and actually give you more help than grief. Still, I suspect you will be ultimately relieved to get your situation out in the open. Keeping a big secret is a huge burden even without trying to conceal conspicuous physical signs like hair loss. I hope you find that having them know is less stressful than trying to keep this burdensome secret.

      over 3 years ago

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