• How do I......

    Asked by Lindajewell70 on Tuesday, February 16, 2016

    How do I......

    I am battling AML. Prognosis not good. I alienated my significant other because I didn't want him to watch me die basically. So much so that now he thinks I'm not sick at all. I chose not to get a port for treatment and I still look ok. My hair is coming out and thinning but not bald yet. May not lose it all! Everyone is different. But now I regret pushing him away and don't know what to do. Anyone else experience anything similar? Suggestions? I am set up for mental health therapy to help deal with my diagnosis and my emotions relating to it. I just am wondering is it normal to push the people who care about you away? This is so hard.

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      Lindajewell70, too often those diagnosed with a challenging disease such as cancer do not have to push away loved ones, they find the door all by themselves. I do not have your type of cancer, and am a few years older than you , and prognosis is not great either, but I never felt a need to push my husband away.When you truly care for someone , the watching them die, if it comes to that,is not an issue, you want to be there regardless.Cancer takes enough from us emotionally and physically without us chasing away those who would and want to support us. I am glad you will be having mental health therapy where hopefully things will become clearer for you, then you can take the steps needed to repair your relationship or not., For me, the more emotional support I have, the better. I consider those whom I love and care about another weapon in my arsenal to fight this xxx disease.

      over 5 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      Lindajewell70, I'm sorry you are going through this at such a young age. Don't give up, because you may get better---ask your doctor what to expect and tell him/her you need to make some decisions.

      I don't mean to fuss at you, but you really need to go to the mental health therapy as soon as possible. Please don't let your loved one think you aren't sick, because that's not fair in case something does happen. I think your life will be better if you have as much emotional support as possible.

      Everyone needs help at some time in their lives, so don't be hard on yourself. Best wishes to you. (Update us.)

      over 5 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I am sorry for your diagnosis. Please know a poor prognosis doesn't translate into reality. I was give 4 months back in 2012.

      If your SO has been hurt by how you have acted, I would apologize profusely and I would explain what you have explained here. Hopefully, the hurt isn't so deep and the love is strong enough that the apology and explanation is enough. Then, it will be up to you not to make the same mistakes again.

      Good luck with your disease and with mending your relationship with your SO.

      over 5 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Simply apologise.

      Dont let your ego or fear of rejection get in your way.

      Tell him how you feel.

      See what happens.

      It might be something good .. or not.

      Best wishes

      over 5 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      Just tonight I heard something on the news about a miraculous leukemia treatment using immunotherapy. They take your own blood to use for medicine.

      To specifically answer your question---No, it isn't normal to push away loved ones---so get your counseling as soon as possible and stop denying yourself the pleasure of being with your loved one.

      over 5 years ago
    • WVgirl2424's Avatar
      WVgirl2424

      Lindajewell70, I was diagnosed with AML in Feb 2011 at the age of 44. That is 5 years ago. I was also told it was bad prepare for the worst. I am still standing, I am still living and now I am running. So you see it's possible. I agree you need to explain to your significant other why you have pushed him away and hope he has a forgiving heart. My husband and children has stayed by my side, cared for me and loved me when almost everyone else ran away. I was born into a family of 10 children 7 including me are now living and only 2 of them really stuck with me. There are many treatments out there. Yes, I was lucky and one of my siblings matched and I had a stem cell transplant. That can happen for you. The things you require are a strong support system and a Doctor who tells you like it is. I know it's hard, you get depressed and feel hopeless. I was doing the same thing but then realized I wanted to live and was going to fight until the end, whichever ending it may be. I wanted and still do, to be with my husband and children and yes I also have grandchildren. I was given 3-6 months and I've lost everything that really isn't important such as my life savings, my job and my healthcare. ( I was fired halfway through my first 30 day chemo) . However, I am still here still fighting because now I have a side effect called Graft vs Host disease , it is chronic and yes it is fatal. I have treatment on my blood and as long as it works I'm okay but when it stops then I stop. There is no answer to my question of how long, just treatment to treatment. The point is cancer of any kind hits the patient hard, no matter where you are in life. Many people I talk to say all they knew is they wanted to live and would do whatever they could to live as long as possible. So, fight the fight, be that warrior, love yourself enough to let others that love you help you. Be the survivor. I know I will always fight, do whatever I have to, to live waiting on new technology to hopefully find a cure. Another AML survivor talked to me at the beginning of my journey, she said " never stop moving, even when you are so so sick or tired, get up and walk." I live by that. I walked the halls of the hospital, I walked the hospital halls for 76 days during my transplant, I walked when I got home, in the last 2 years I've began running but it's really jogging and last year I ran/ walked over 1000 miles. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Be the warrior, research your diagnosis, diet and exercise means more now than ever. Do it for you, then do it for others. I do not know if you are religious but I am, I believe on the bible and do my best to live by the new testament. I say this because God helped me too. He is a comfort to me, I talk to him and yes, he listens. Ofcourse he doesn't answer with words but I know he hears my prayers because I am here and still here. So, pick yourself up and fight. Be the warrior, be the survivor. I pray this helps you in some way. You are in my prayers.

      over 5 years ago
    • RubyFaye's Avatar
      RubyFaye

      I think SO should be the one to make the decision whether to stay or go. I also would ask myself, what would I do if the table was turned.

      I will be praying for you because I believe in the power of prayer.

      Everyone has said exactly what I feel.

      I watched my fiance' die and he did tell me to go away and let him die because he didn't want me to see that process. I refused to leave and told him, I would be with him until his last breath. I laid beside him in his hospital bed, the last few hours of his life and he died in my arms. It was so painful but I am so glad I was there and I would do it again.

      I do not have a significant other now and you are blessed to have someone that loves you and will walk this journey with you.

      over 5 years ago

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