• How do I get him over feeling sorry for himself?

    Asked by Brandil on Friday, August 15, 2014

    How do I get him over feeling sorry for himself?

    The procedure and chemo seems to be working and he still wont eat or get off the sofa! He is killing himself! Not the cancer!

    12 Answers from the Community

    12 answers
    • Asanayogini's Avatar
      Asanayogini

      That is so sad, but I don't think you can force any one out of depression, he may need a gentle way to see a professional for his " low down " this is very very hard for some patients to deal with. Being there for him is extra special . Also it is very hard for some patients to eat. If you can take his lead when he feels hungry, then you can make it special. I don't believe in tough love gentle care I believe people respond better. It is hard for us to watch our loved ones go through this hard time. You take care of yourself as well Lots if love and luck.

      almost 7 years ago
    • serenity101's Avatar
      serenity101

      Be sure to let his medical team know. Fatigue and lack of desire to eat are common side effects of chemo and other cancer treatments. They have treatments that can help. They can also evaluate him for depression and treat that as well if it is a factor, but they would need more information than you have posted here to make that determination.

      almost 7 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar
      FreeBird

      Liver cancer is difficult. I watched the effects of secondary liver cancer-- a cancer that has spread to the liver from other parts of the body. Fatigue and loss of appetite are things to report to the doctor or nurses. If it makes sense, there are drugs to boost appetite. If nutrition is improved by boosting the appetite, it's possible that will help with the fatigue and feeling down. If he's having a hard time eating, ask if he feels like he's going to throw up. There's help with that too.

      For the psychological aspects, it's easy and understandable to feel down. I think it helps to put the focus on the positive things. There's plenty of negatives to focus on. But put some things on the calendar towards which he can look forward. Slow down, take one day at a time, and remind him that some of those days can be good days. I think people feel down, when we look too far into the future at all the things that could go wrong, and we don't see all the short-term things that can still go right. Those are the things to grab onto.

      almost 7 years ago
    • Keith59's Avatar
      Keith59

      At age 72...this may be a big challenge. Some just give up at that age with much less wrong health-wise. Its just easier to sit and stay comfortable than to push themselves when in pain or no energy. You won't force him....it will be up to him when he decides to get active. Prayers and blessings.

      almost 7 years ago
    • Phoenix76's Avatar
      Phoenix76

      Yes, chemo can affect the appetite and our moods. Depression can be common. Please bring it to the attention of his PCP or oncologist, and they can suggest some options.
      Otherwise, I would suggest listening to Beethoven's 9th Symphony - the "Ode to Joy". There is something great in Classical music that reaches us even if we're bummed out by chemo, or frankly, life in general! It touches our humanity, and reminds us that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.
      I also like something more mundane - the "Counting My Blessings" song (with Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney) from "White Christmas." I look around at people who have worse situations or circumstances of life, and take inspiration from how they deal with adversity. I mean, my God, we're not in a war zone like in some parts of the world!!! Move forward, even if only baby steps. Progress is good, however slow.
      Here's a link to an inspiring story - Sam Berns, a junior in high school, who was diagnosed with progeria at age 2:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36m1o-tM05g
      Please watch and hold hands with your loved one. Peace be with you. May the Holy Spirit wrap His wings around you.

      almost 7 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      The other answers you got are all great, all I can say is get him on antidepressants and get him into therapy. And good luck with it! I had the same problem with my boyfriend when he went through cancer treatments, it was like he was the only person in the world with problems. UGH! And honestly if I were you I would get into a support group for caregivers, most cancer support communities offer them now. Good luck and God bless!

      almost 7 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Did your dad just learn he has cancer and has he just begun treatments? He may be depressed and he may also be having relatively normal side effects from chemo (no appetite; extreme fatigue).

      almost 7 years ago
    • MsMope's Avatar
      MsMope

      Chemo made my taste buds all wonky. The diet white soda I loved tasted like bubbling chemicals. Everything tasted off. I accidently discovered I could taste food I hadn't previously liked very much - like pizza and spaghetti. And - I discovered Claussen Kosher Dill Minis. Man, those pickles woke up my taste buds and made it possible for me to enjoy at least one thing. Zippy!

      And I was tired a lot. I spent a lot of time taking naps and reading books. I don't know how people manage to work. Between chemo brain, red cell depletion causing shortness of breath and pounding in my ears, neuropathies in my feet making me tippy, GI problems and all the other things, it was hard to feel totally human.

      I like the advice given by others here. Can he use a computer? I found a lot of advice and comfort in researching my cancer and reading posts in cancer forums. If he won't join a support group at the clinic, he can "join" one online.

      Good luck but be patient. Try a jar of pickles or something else he absolutely loves.

      almost 7 years ago
    • AmyJo's Avatar
      AmyJo

      I agree with everyone who's already posted, this is a great group of wonderful people!
      The only thing I might add is to ask his doctor for Marinol. It can help with his mood and also his eating issue.
      God Bless

      almost 7 years ago
    • SullyJackson's Avatar
      SullyJackson

      Great answers. I too have had trouble with sleeping more than I'd like. Part depression and part chemo side-effects. I have started working with a social worker and this site has been awesome. Fortunately people in my life have been positive and not made me feel "lazy" even when I was going there in my mind. The result is that I have slowly found less need for sleep. Keeping the Good Thoughts.

      almost 7 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      A Great Support Group of People with his type of cancer and his age range would help a lot. I find the isolation makes us feel very alone and sometimes disgusted. We don't know What to feel!!!!
      It's like we're living in a nightmare that WE CAN'T WAKE UP FROM.....
      We can't outrun it as it is like our shadow.....Acceptance is hard but MUST take place for any improvement to begin.....Very Hard.....!

      almost 7 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      He has liver cancer. The second largest organ, and the busiest working organ is the liver.

      Even if he weren't getting radiated and chemofied, he'd be tired. The liver may not be functioning well enough, at current, to do all its labors. Don't make too many assumptions. Speak with him and find out if he is simply tired beyond belief or if he is also depressed. When the liver doesn't do its chemical cleansing properly, the whole body gets unhappy.

      Ask him if there is anything which he thinks might help and then speak to his doctors.

      He is not killing himself. It is the cancer and its location which is hurting him so badly. Please do not add to his burden and your own by thinking as you do. It is part of the illness. Cancer saps a person's will to live and with a bum liver it is doubly difficult because the liver/kidneys are actually the seat and source of a body's energy.

      Besr wishes to you.

      almost 7 years ago

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