• how do I prepare to lose my life partner

    Asked by sweetsue on Tuesday, January 1, 2013

    how do I prepare to lose my life partner

    how do I get over the shock of seemingly normal life less than 3 weeks ago to hospice brought in today?

    9 Answers from the Community

    9 answers
    • Buttercup's Avatar

      There is no way to prepare for losing a loved one. Just love them as much as You can and don't be afraid to say it. Make sure you have long conversations with them and don't think about anything but being with them and enjoying your time together. Don't be the person who says " Why didn't I tell them when I had the chance".

      almost 4 years ago
    • Bellamore's Avatar

      My heart goes out to you. Don't be hard on yourself during this transition period. Threre is no wrong or ight ways to prepare for a major life change.

      There is a book out there by Ruth (sp?) and I think the title may be The seven stages of giref. Get yourself a copy,

      Spend all the time you can with your partner. God Bless, you'll be in my prayers. And I'm sure you'll gets lot more good addvice from this sight.

      Glad you're doing hospice. God Bless again and again.

      almost 4 years ago
    • nobrand's Avatar

      Spending time together is a great way to prepare for loss..this can be fond times for the both of you.

      almost 4 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      Sweetsue, you are not losing your life partner, you are only losing an image of that person. What truly lies between you can never be lost. Understanding this is key. Ask the hospice nurse for a "Gone From My Sight" handbook and read the little story on the last page to understand the process. Remember that the word "Hospice" means comfort, not death. It is estimated that of all the deaths that occur in America only 14% occur in a hospice setting. Most occur in the ICU or the ER. I am an oncology nurse that also works in end of life care. Our bodies are like those flashy cars on the street. We love to think they will forever look new but over time we get the dents, scratches, the rust. We look in the mirror and we long for that new car look but we admire the car when the real beauty is the driver. Love the driver and you will never be alone. Best of luck to you and I am here if you need to discuss further. Carm.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Onoi11's Avatar

      This will be a tough transition for you. To lose a life long partner has to be too profound an experience for words. I hope you are a person with a good reserve of philosophical strength to help see you through the initial adjustments. Meantime, your calming and comforting closeness will provide them with a safe structure within which they can make their exit peacefully, and you will carry that gift of peace with you after your partner is gone.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      My heart goes out to you and your partner. There is no real way to prepare for this any more than you can prepare for sudden death in a car accident, etc. All you can do is try to express your love for him. I agree with the others about the importance of being with him, talking about things that are important to you, and never letting him forget that you love him. Cherish these last weeks or months.

      If appropriate for you, this is a good time to seek spiritual counsel. Religions have been offering comfort to those who survive for a very long time. If this is not something that is appropriate for you, then that's OK, too.

      almost 4 years ago
    • DeniseD's Avatar

      I have been asking myself that question for the past 10 days. My husband has been in ICU with a slim chance of survival. I have not agreed to a do not resuscitate order yet, however I am prepared to do so when the time is at hand. I did seek spiritual guidance and have done much soul searching. I decided to do what I believe he would do for me in this situation. If his quality of life would be such that he felt hopeless or helpless, he would hate that. I have come to depend on him for most everything, yet I know I can make it alone if I have to. We have had a very good life together and nothing will ever change that. I love him enough to let him go free of pain and knowing I will be alright. I owe it to him and the life that we have shared to be at peace with the past and be warmed by the memories in the future. Today I received the first glimmer of hope for his survival, each moment is a gift. Yesterday I was sure this was the end of the line. Today he opened his eyes for the first time in 10 days. He is by no means out of the woods. I will continue to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I pray that you find a way to let go, while allowing the memories to be comforting.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Mollie's Avatar

      The only thing that helped me was that my Grandma didn't need to suffer any more. And lean on hospice. My mom and I did the last few days and they helped sooo much. Even after, they have grief counseling and such. Hang in there...

      almost 4 years ago
    • Mollie's Avatar

      Also ALLOW yourself to be shocked and to grieve. In other words give yourself permission to go through the stages of fried and that everyone's grief journey is different and a very "case by case" personal thing. I'll email you directly so that if you'd like someone to hear you.

      almost 4 years ago

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