• How do you cope?

    Asked by KB2013 on Monday, March 14, 2016

    How do you cope?

    I'm really deeply hurt after a friend of several decades called me on phone to express her 'condolences' on me having lung cancer. She told me that she knows what I'm 'in for' and feels badly for me but doesn't think she can be around to watch me decline so I shouldn't expect to hear from her again then she closed by saying that it doesn't mean she doesn't care!!!!
    It gets worse but I don't want to write about it. I'm beyond, somewhere and just needed to tell someone, anyone.

    49 Answers from the Community

    49 answers
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      I am so sorry. I know that is very painful. I wish I could give you a hug in person, but this will have to do. ((Hugs)). Sandi

      about 3 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      Believe it or not, it's a common thing. We posted an article titled "Where Have all My Friends Gone"? a couple weeks ago. Click here and see what others have talked about on this subject.
      https://www.whatnext.com/blog/posts/where-have-all-my-friends-gone

      about 3 years ago
    • gonewest's Avatar
      gonewest

      Let her go, KB2013. This is her failing, and most likely her decision has nothing to do with you personally. It does have an effect on you personally though. Abandonment was not something you expected from her. I am very sorry this occurred and added sadness to your struggles. So do something nice just for yourself today. If I were able, I'd join @Sandi for a group hug.

      about 3 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I am so very sorry. What kind of "friend" abandons their friend when they need someone most??? I will never understand people. Your "friend" is clearly a self-centered so-and-so who cares about no one but herself. Looking for a silver lining here ... and having to look hard for it ... at least she didn’t just disappear, leaving you to wonder. This way you KNOW what a self-absorbed individual she is.

      I am so, so sorry.

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      I thank you all and though I know you are right, I can't seem to cope with this rejection. I have no family left so she was like a sister to me.
      Greg, I will visit the link, thank you.
      LiveWithCancer, you have good insight, thank you.

      about 3 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I cannot understand what has happened to society. Some 40 years ago a friend and colleague of mine died of stomach cancer. Everyone gathered around her. While she was away for treatment her friends and neighbors and her church saw that her brother and teenage daughters had ample casseroles. Her brother had taken a leave of absence to care for her teenage daughters. At work we donated our sick leave and vacation to her so she could continue her health insurance. And when she came home we had to sign up to visit her. From what I have seen posted here this is no longer the norm. Even if one did not have the courage to be with a friend then why say those terrible things to their face.
      I pray you will find a support group that will truly help you.

      about 3 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      KB2013, I didn't have anyone tell me they couldn't cope, but I had some friends and family members who couldn't. Or left the scene for some reason, including my son. It took him a year or so to see that I was apparently not going to die like he thought I was and he came back around. We were always very close; we are not nearly as close now because I can't seem to get past the things he said and did during that first year. Anyway, I was (and am to some extent) very hurt when I was abandoned by people I always thought would be there for me.

      What I did is that I developed new interests and built on friendships where the friend didn't run away. I still hurt when I think of the loss of some of my friends, but I have made and developed new friendships that might have never happened if it weren't for being forced to do so.

      Are you active in church or in any community groups? Do you volunteer? Or play bridge? Or is there a restaurant where you go regularly? These are all places where new and better friendships may bud. Two of my closest friends are the breeder of one of my dogs and a breeder of the kind of dog my other dog is (I didn't get Cotton from her, but I met her based on our common interest in American Eskimo Dogs ... went to the movie with her today!)

      Big hugs. You must feel very lonely right now. It breaks my heart for you. Know that we're always here for you. And, the best revenge is to prove her wrong!!!! Like you, I have adenocarcinoma of the lungs, stage IV. I was given 4 months to live back in 11/2012. This weekend I played agility all day with my dogs. When helping break down the field, a new friend said to me, "I can tell you work out, the way you can lift and carry all of this equipment." I don't work out, but I took that as a big compliment.

      about 3 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar
      CAS1

      Live with you have given the best response and everyone else as well..I couldn't add a thing.

      about 3 years ago
    • Sue_2015's Avatar
      Sue_2015

      I'm so sorry for what happened. I agree with everyone else. It is so sad when a "friend" abandons you.

      Wouldn't it be something if you could call her and mention, that you hope she never gets any kind of cancer. However, That if she does get sick or gets cancer, you hope her friends don't abandon her.

      Sending a big hug to you. We're here when you want to vent, scream, cry or rejoice.

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      LWC, I can't imagine the heartbreak you experienced when your son withdrew from you but it must have taken great inner strength at that point to continue on with treatment despite the loss. You are a survivor extraordinaire.

      about 3 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      I am very sorry for your pain.Some people are very weak and at the first sign of an emotional challenge, turn tale and run. Although painful, you, or any survivor does not need this negative energy around. Fill the space with those who really do care, embrace the family and friends who have your back. She was not who you thought she was.

      about 3 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Your friend is afraid. Many people are like that.

      I'd call her back. :)

      I'd cough some and tell her not to worry about any separation as you intend to haunt her from where you've yet to venture. Tell her she can think of you koff koff when she has her morning coffee, put the phone to your backside and make a noise and then hang up with a "lov you".

      Do you have kids or very immature friends? Other cancer patients can make wonderful immature friends sometimes. Prank calls or, at least, thinking on them can make a person feel better.

      Truthfully, I think she had a lot of nerve to phone you as she did. She could have simply not shown her face.... same difference? What does she think she gains by such a phone call.

      I'm reminded of Huck Finn who had the great fortune to arrive just in time to see his own funeral taking place. Mark Twain was a great writer. He'll help you feel better about yourself.

      I had a long sick and a gf of 50+ years told me she was tied of hearing about it. We are still friends and I'm better nd it is still difficult to get her to talk about herself.

      The two cancer jokes I know were told to me by a lung cancer patient.

      Best wishes

      about 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      Kb2013 so sorry that you have to deal with this alongside your diagnosis. The god aweful truth is that some people cant handle this diagnosis even though its not them having to go through it. The person that i considered my closest friend ended up helping at arms length as emotionally she couldn't deal. She took the diagnosis as a death sentence. I let her back away. This part of your journey you really wont need her. People who arent as close will step in and be there for you. Honestly it was pretty selfish on her part to say all those things to you. If she truly cared shed suck up her own fear keep in contact even if its by text and maybe organize some meals or a go fund me page.... My other friend who i also was fairly close to said hey im a horrible nurse and lack sympathy but if you dont mind id like to try to be there to support you. Those are the friends to cling to. We're here for you. Hugs and more hugs.

      about 3 years ago
    • Enna2014's Avatar
      Enna2014

      Let this person go, you need " positive " people around you.
      You must always look forward, yes, you have cancer but a depressive person around you can really lower your recovery state of mind.
      With two years I have had two surgeries, radiation therapy, necrosis.
      Going into Oxygen Therapy soon.
      While getting well wishes from friends and family, I have chosen to live my life as though nothing has happened. Independent until that day when I must depend on physical care.
      Prayers for you.

      about 3 years ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      I completely understand. My "BFF" since high school (I'm 51) told me very text she was "DONE NOW". I believe my diagnosis (3 years old at that point) was the true reason. She found an excuse to be ticked off with me (I was glad that the police had stopped a kid in her son's high school from going in w/a gun before the kid even had possession of a gun -- but I was saying things to upset her. What?). I knew she was checking out before that happened, but I was in denial. I was REALLY hurt for awhile, but I've realized I'm better off w/out her, if that's the way she feels. The big times I miss her are when I think of our shared history & when I want to go shopping because my 2 best friends now are guys and really don't wanna go shopping for clothes. I'm hoping eventually to find a new buddy to go shopping with. And if not, I'll take myself. And maybe get a sundae afterwards. So there, former best friend!

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      I hear you. Things can get pretty grim. I didn't have the 'friend' problem, as I dropped out of sight and told what few people that I told to not say anything.

      I guess you'd call him a boyfriend, but I dated this guy off and on throughout the years. Sometimes it was nice and sometimes it wasn't. I reached the point where I really didn't want to go out with him. He came back from Europe, and he wanted to take me to a political thing-wine, governor, that type of thing. I told him that I didn't feel up to going to the capital and a late evening. Those things really don't have a place to sit down, at least here. Finally I told him part of my nose and mouth was gone, and I finished intense radiation a few months earlier. He hung up without a word, and I never heard from him again.

      A person like that, and a person that tells you so boldly and baldly that your cancer is making them suffer or they are ashamed of you, are shallow-never been friends--unless they recently took care of someone that died of cancer-I think that gives PTSD for sure. That's the only reason I understand. Don't think of yourself as being rejected. Think of it as finding out who your real friends are.

      about 3 years ago
    • AnnyKay's Avatar
      AnnyKay

      Oh so sorry. I have had some friends that have slowly faded away. I seem to always agree with live with cancer. Your friend has made it all about her. You will find lots of support here.

      about 3 years ago
    • lisahal's Avatar
      lisahal

      Find support groups. Find more than one and who will find connection's there. It is important for us to have support from other's. I would write her a long emotion filled letter and get out all my anger, sadness, grief, ect. You will feel better to get it out and then you can begin to heal from this abandonment. I take classes like stained glass and crochet. You can go to a church, anyone, any faith, they all have support groups and meetings. Hope you meet some true friend's soon. Only time will heal this wound but just keep busy. Hugs

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      I appreciate all of you so much. Today I am suffering major anxiety as I try to put the things she said out of my mind but it doesn't work as I hear her voice in my memory. Having no family makes this loss of friendship so awful. I never knew she had a cruel bone in her body. She seemed distant as she spoke, detached, matter of fact like as if she were talking to a potted plant or something. I hate that I am going on about this but how I feel today is scaring me. Thank you for listening and for your support and advice. I wish you all marvelous days ahead.

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      KB--cancer causes fear. It intensifies fear. I feared situations, I feared cancer, I feared people looking at me, and I also became very suspicious, because people didn't seem to have my interest in what was good for me-especially the medical community. . It's not always easy to make friends, and cancer makes it worse.

      We understand how you feel, and you can talk to us any time. I do suggest that you try out some of the suggestions that others made. We're all here for you, and you can talk to us any time.

      Hugs, prayers and good wishes for you

      about 3 years ago
    • Lizard's Avatar
      Lizard

      I didn't have a person say this to me. How horrible. I agree with the excellent support and advice you've been given here. This site is filled with caring people and I hang out here for the positive support when I feel scared. Welcome to this safe place. Hugs!

      about 3 years ago
    • spdsgrl's Avatar
      spdsgrl

      KB. I am sorry this happened to you. I agree with everyone else and know that you don't need her negativity . However, since she was that close to you and you didn't get a chance to respond to her the way you wanted, I think you need to call her and have one more conversation with her. I am not defending her in any way, but is it possible that she regrets what she said, but feels like she can't call, that your diagnosis was hard for her to hear and she does love you and feels like she can't watch you suffer. Obviously, only you can know for sure since you know her and what was said in the phone call. But, as I am reading what she means to you, I can't help but think maybe it is worth calling her. Of course, you need to be prepared to her more selfish, hurtful things, but you might get closure, she may have a change of heart or you may both discover a way to maintain a different friendship. Believe me, what everyone said about how people will step up is true. You will find love, support and friendship beyond this person. If she chooses to continue being selfish, you will get through, but maybe you should tell her what you told us. .. that what she said hurt, that you never thought she was capable of being cruel, that you love her and she was like a sister and that you need her. You can get closure and if she wants a second chance YOU get to decide if she is in your life or not, if she doesn't want a second chance you aren't out anything.

      about 3 years ago
    • Dianem's Avatar
      Dianem

      So much good advice posted, which can help you realize support will come in many forms as you go forward. Here on this site, with your medical team, with neighbors and those who you may have considered only acquaintances. It is a surprising testimony to the goodness in this world, the kindness of strangers. It is obvious your friend is incapable of supporting you. You can't change people you can only change how you respond to them. By even dwelling on it, you are allowing her to impact your attitude. If you feel it will bring closure, tell her what you feel, but if not, close the door, turn the page, look forward to a good result. As a 3 year survivor of stage 4 metastatic lung cancer, I'm still kicking and I've come to realize what a nice world we live in..believe anything is possible. Keep strong and God bless.

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      KB, if you write-email, write it out and wait a week before you send it. It allows you to read, and make that the spelling is correct, and you have readable sentences. Another advantage is that you might not feel the same way, and you either want to trash the letter or add more. I've thrown letters out, because they reflected poorly on me. I've had a few letters, where after 2 weeks, I knew that I was saying the truth and nothing but the truth in that letter or Email.

      I find the phone, and face to face, as more problematic. i am torn up that I have to make a phone call, even to a business. I have a hot temper, and things like your friend make me less than civil-much less than civil. There is a UPS delivery man that's currently terrified of me. If I called somebody like your friend, I'd be worried that I might cry-and public crying is against my life rules. I wouldn't want anybody to go around and say that I cried, so I don't cry in front of others. I don't want them to think that they hurt me that much.

      This is how I try to live. Obviously, I want a certain amount of control- the letter, waiting until I am in control of myself, not crying in front of others

      about 3 years ago
    • RoseVine's Avatar
      RoseVine

      Very sorry to hear of your pain. I am a Stage 4 almost five year LC survivor and have had similar experiences in the last few years. Finally have come to the conclusion "they know not what they do" and have a great lack of understanding & empathy when it comes to this particular life challenge. The flip side is that I have also met some amazing new survivor friends who blessed my life abundantly. Hope you receive comfort for your heart soon

      about 3 years ago
    • Contessa's Avatar
      Contessa

      Otherwise known as a fair weather friend the world is a better place for having lost what you never had I know that sounds tough but it happened to me also you will learn who your real friends are in some cases strangers are kinder and more thoughtful here is a hug from me who understands God bless

      about 3 years ago
    • IronMom45's Avatar
      IronMom45

      Oh yes I got this same almost to the exact "email" from my best friend. It leaves you saying what!!!!??! After being so close! After all you have been for one another through the years and then get handed that? I don't except that they are scared etc or they have no responsibility to our friendship. Load of selfishness this is and nothing less. People can say get over it. Other person not worth it, got their own issues etc. However does nothing for your ripped out bleeding heart in the here and now. Been 14 months since heard from my best bud. Only advice I can give you is it's been 14. Months. In other words, I'm still here without that person. So many times their help could of been used but not there. But it's been 14 months and again I'm still here. So keep going, keep living to the best of your ability. Time will go on. In that time be open to new people. If you loved the wrong best friend this much how much more will you love the right one? Positive thoughts for you. You can do this!

      about 3 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      I can tell you that people are just getting more selfish. I went to all my girlfriend's mother's funerals. My own mother passed away 3 years ago, and not one of them showed up for her service. Needless to say, I'm shopping for new friends.

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      With so many-it's all about me and how fragile I am. I think that we are a a step or 2 from having grief counselors at a scene of a car wreck to counsel everyone that might see it. It's all of this-- we want you to feel good-so whatever you say is right. We are living in a world where each person is told they are right. People don't know how to talk or compromise. For a few years- people used the word "CONFRONT" for talk.

      about 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      Kb2013. Listen i know what your going through is devastating
      It would be hard even if you were well. There really isnt many options it seems like you value this relationship. Honestly you need all your energy to fight this illness. I would either email or call her back explaining that you value your friendship and while it's certainly not your obligation i would ask her what she meant and let her know your continued friendship is important. Let her know your expectations when you say you need her support. Be careful in how much you ask for due to the fact that she doesn't want to feel the heartache of watching someone she loves suffer. One of the things that means the most to me was friends simply texting me at least once a week to see how i was doing. I know this is hard and extremely unfair. If it means so much to you my suggestion is call her back

      about 3 years ago
    • PennieEckard's Avatar
      PennieEckard

      I am so sorry. I understand that some people do not know how to deal with this kind of news. Some just continue to change the subject for example. You stay strong. There was a lot good advise offered here. We are here for you.
      If you believe in God, pray. I am praying for you.

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      Razmataz, I will need to wait a bit because despite my best effort, I'd start crying, remembering what she'd said. Whatever happened to the 'milk of human kindness'?

      about 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      KB2013 I totally understand. I really just want you to take care of yourself the best you can. I want you to do what you feel is best for you. It's easier for us to give you advice and let you know what we think. We don't have that emotional attachment that you have to your friend. I personally would probably walk away from the relationship angrily. That seems scary for you as you feel that you do not have anyone else. At least thats what I understood. It's unfortunate that she vocalized her fears as I do believe that she still cares about you very much. as Pennie said we are here for you. If I can do anything, please let me know. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. I truly believe that her rejection or push away from you is her protecting herself from the pain. For that I am truly sorry. I too said a prayer for you today.

      about 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      One more thing... Your totally right about the human kindness thing. Unfortunately many people do not understand Kindness. I don't understand how they don't personally. Hang in there...

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      Thank you Raz, for your insight, suggestion and prayers. I am saying a prayer for all of us dealing with this disease, praying for strength of body and mind. I will pray also for my former friend who finds comfort in abandoning me as I do not understand her reason.

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      Here is an update to my post. I mustered enough courage to call my former friend to tell her how much her ending our friendship affected me emotionally and that I am not cancer, I am me only me now has cancer and it would be nice not to lose whatever time we could share as friends until one of us is no longer physically around. Yes, that's what I wanted to tell her and more but she didn't answer her phone which she carries on her person 24 hours a day and she's turned off voicemail so I couldn't leave a message. I'm embarrassed to report that I tried calling a half dozen times. Afterward I just sat and cried because I remembered the words she'd said when she ended her last call, that I wouldn't be hearing from her again. I'm so alone with all my family deceased and husband as well. She was the only long term relationship I had left. I live an hour from any town on a rural piece of land my husband had bought as a retirement paradise. Please, unless you have a house full of children, do not consider rural living if it's just you two in retirement years without considering eventually living alone. No one wants to buy this place, too isolated they say. Some paradise. I have no living children, spouse, no family. What's the point at this point? I wasn't aware of the real picture but I am now.

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      I know what you are talking about-drive 30 miles to get aspirin. I'm so sorry that you are alone like this, and fighting cancer. Most people don't realize how physically taxing it is to live like that. I had electric from a co-op, but it was so expensive. Then it's hard for vehicle and water pump repairs. I couldn't pull a pipe from a well or repair a pump now if my life depended on it. Then getting coal or wood, dealing with chainsaws, shoveling coal-
      I am so sorry for you. I'm sorry that your husband passed and left you there like that. I did enjoy that life, but I had to face the fact that I couldn't cut wood, that every necessity cost a lot of money, and I had to leave for the city.

      Being alone like that is OK if you choose it, but when others abandon you- like your friend abandoned you-it is painful beyond words.

      Basically- where do you live- The west-Alaska, Maine---

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      poopsie, it would be an honor to have you as a friend in person, thank you. Also, I used to attend a support group but it was disbanded (right word?) due to lack of patient participation. The group leader said there are many regional patients coming for treatment but aren't interested in a support group.
      meyati, you've described 'paradise' quite well.

      about 3 years ago
    • Dianem's Avatar
      Dianem

      Here's a follow up to my previous comment. On another website I participate in for Sloan Kettering, a person posted a question asking how she could help a friend who suffered from depression and seemed incapable of moving forward. She said she had already made some steps forward in taking charge. So here is someone who stepped up to the plate without being asked. Needless to say others on the site offered suggestions, including supportive counseling. Shows to go ya, support comes from unexpected places. Keep strong and God bless.

      about 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar
      Razmataz

      KB2013
      I am sooooo sorry to hear your news :( I like so many others on this site, wish that I lived closer to you so that I could be there for you in person. Unfortunately I'm in OR. However, we are here for you to talk to and support you in anyway we can. We truly care... as we've gone through this journey. Some with support/some not. It saddened me when you said "what the point...", however; I totally understand the feeling. You got the courage to face this crap...you can do it!!! Please feel free to write on my wall or post on this site. I'll be here for you... just not in person...sorry. I am really angry for you at your "friend". That is not how humans and especially friends should treat each other. Honestly, it's her lost. At the same time I know it still hurts. Hang in there. Hugs.

      about 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      I sure appreciate your suggestions on how to handle this. I still can find no legitimate excuse for friend or family to abandon us following the devastating diagnosis of cancer. With some of these people, it appears having us in their lives would be inconvenient.

      about 3 years ago
    • Paperpusher's Avatar
      Paperpusher

      I am so shocked by how blunt your friend was. My husband is the one with LC and yes he's lost some friends and all his co-workers but they just faded away. Not a sorry but I can't deal with you being sick. All he wanted from them was to meet for lunch. He's lucky to have high school friends who get together a few times a year. I just can't imagine your friend doing that and I'm so sorry. ((((HUGS)))

      almost 3 years ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      You are all such special people.
      Truly special.

      almost 3 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Yes. People are very blunt as they are backing away and preparing to run.

      Im glad you called her but you forgot that the contact was to help you-not her. Please do not be embarrassed for caring about someone.

      If there are still unresolved feelings, write them down. It doesnt matter whether you eventually send the letter or not. What matters is that you understand and resolve your hurt.

      It is tough everywhere when you are ill. Real estate sells everywhere. It is simply a matter of value & time. If you dont know a local Realtor to help, I will find one for you (seriously). My work is as a real estate consultant. Finding someone to help you is at no charge.

      The first thing you need to fund out is the probable value of your place. Only when you know what you can spend is when you can consider if and where to relocate.

      I am now well enough to walk daily. I drive to the beach (this area's nod to nature). I am not yet well enough to do much in terms of fixing and maintenance and, sigh, being other than well decimated my finances. Dont let that happen to you. Get information & make a decision instead of bemoaning your fate.

      I made a friend (from here) and we talk occasionally. She lives on 28 acres and it is rough but it is much easier for her now that she is well enough to drive to services.

      Everything changes. This, too, will pass.

      almost 3 years ago
    • Lizard's Avatar
      Lizard

      KB2013, I haven't read these comments in a few days and I'm impressed with YOU. You have been put into such a difficult (hellish) situation with isolation and no family available for support. But you have made friends here (like me) at this site when you were brave and asked your question. Keep going! I don't know where you live but if it is in NM, I can find you. We are survivors and one reason for this is because we stick together. We understand.

      almost 3 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar
      Ydnar2xer

      This is one of the worst things that can happen when you have cancer. I knew a woman who I thought was a life-long friend completely turn her back on me when I got diagnosed. Many years later I asked her why and she said that as a nurse, she already had more than she could handle--she couldn't take me on as another of her patients. I still think this is funny because that's NOT what I wanted from her. I just wanted to continue our friendship.

      Since then, I see her every couple of years, but it's not ever going to be the same as it was pre-cancer. I went to her dad's funeral some years after the cancer and she was surprised. But when my dad died just about a month ago, although she knows it's happened, she has not contacted me in any way. OUCH! I really believed her when she told me years ago that she loved me as a friend. I guess she's changed her mind since then--?

      So I think the best thing to do w/an on again, off again friendship is to not count on it and let HER make the next move, if any more moves are made. (Sometimes friends can hurt you--it's sad, but true.)

      over 2 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Ydnar2xer and others- friends and family hurt us more than strangers.. It is so unexpected from them. They professed love to us. We've shared some of the deepest secrets. And we aren't even in politics!!!

      over 2 years ago
    • punalei's Avatar
      punalei

      I am very sorry for what happened, but let it go and get on with your own healing. I had a boyfriend of 7 years. When I asked him if I would still be sexy without boobs, he replied that I was sexy in my heart and boobs didn't matter. Even so, he would never look at me or touch me there again after surgery. He took me to my first 3 chemo treatments. On the 4th treatment he had a lame excuse and I had to take a cab. I never heard from him again. Some people just can't take it. It is their problem, not yours.

      over 2 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Oh KB2013, I am so heartbroken by your friend's reaction ... and the whole situation that you find yourself in. I always wanted that "paradise" you mention, but agree that it isn't the same paradise when you are there all alone.

      Do you feel good enough to adopt some hobbies? Is there a church or a book club or photography club or knitters or whatever near enough to you that you could join? I personally do dog agility. Without that activity and the friends I have made through the sport (some superficial and some true friends), I would feel so lost. The sport gets me out and about, around people, gives me something to do, something to look forward to, something to enjoy ... with my beloved dogs and with people who share common interests.

      Big, big hugs. I so wish I lived closer and could get together regularly with you. I know you would be / are a wonderful friend. Your former friend on the other hand has tons of emotional problems. I can't imagine a person so cruel.

      over 2 years ago

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