SOOOOO been there... and still go there at times. The good news is that when people say that this aspect of cancer treatment and recovery gets better and better with time... it's true. It usually does.
Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it. Sometimes, it's a comment from a co-worker. Sometimes, ... well, I'm sure we can all give examples of how to get the cancer-monkey talking.
So, I've decided that I need to let myself have a few minutes of that intense fear and worry... I accept that my mind just needs to do some of that some of the time. Then I try to redirect my thoughts to other things or remind myself that my prognosis is good and my health currently strong... And sometimes, I ask one of my cancer friends to just give a listen... or I head to the local support group and talk there.
I have learned that WHO you talk to matters a lot. If I talk to the "wrong" people - namely, those that think that I must have a positive attitude at all times or die - I feel worse. I have a small number of safe friends - friends who simply can accept where I am at any particular moment... friends who drop the subject if I need them to... etc... Those safe friends are precious, and nearly all of them are cancer survivors and/or patients....
So, I hear you... And I can totally relate.