• How do you handle watching someone you love go through this? What's your object of strength, if you will?

    Asked by TwoYoungPeople on Wednesday, June 20, 2012

    How do you handle watching someone you love go through this? What's your object of strength, if you will?

    I am only 21 years old and watching my new husband face death is far beyond what I ever expected to see at 21! How do the rest of you deal with this? It is just so overwhelming to start your life out this way!

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • WizardOfWesley's Avatar

      I think you have to try and make everyday a good memory ...Cherish every moment ... Be there for each other ... Develop a new firm of intimacy...learn to talk without speaking ...Try not to focus on what might be or what is to come ...I know it's hard to do this ...but days and weeks go by and I forget I even have cancer unless some asks me how I'm doing or feeling ... Just Live everyday ....to the fullest ... G-d Bless you both ...make as many memories as you can ... Then you will find peace ...

      over 8 years ago
    • Kimi1017's Avatar

      I agree with WizardofWesley. Live each day to the fullest. Try to create as many memories as you can. Always have a positive attitude.

      Pray together everyday and God will give you both strength. Be thankful for all your blessings, especially the special blessing that God gave you this chance together to share and say what is important to you both. Many people do not have this opportunity and only regret later on that they did not take advantage of the time they had with their loved ones.

      Say "I Love You" to each other everyday, many times in one day.

      And remember that there is always hope. Miracles do happen. And if its not the miracle you want, you will look back later on and find out it was a miracle you needed.

      Praying for you and your husband,

      over 8 years ago
    • caissg's Avatar

      Yes, it is overwhelming. Try to stay positive. Join a support group either locally or online and definitely reach out to people for your own sanity. If there is support from other family members, take it. There is no shame in asking caregiving help from your grandparent if they are able in this situation. While there would be no caregiver without the patient, take care of yourself too. You can only help your husband if you have good health. And stress can create lot of health issues. So at all costs, reduce stress, do meditation, yoga, exercise, whatever helps you get rid of stress. You truly do love your husband and thats why are sticking together. Thats a great character trait to have! I wish you both all the best and love conquers all. Your husband is lucky to have you and am sure he will make it through.

      over 8 years ago
    • attypatty's Avatar

      Dear TwoYoungPeople:
      Your screen name says it all- you are just two young people. You are also TOO young people - too young to be burdened with the prospect of death. When we are young, we feel immortal and have the sense that life will go on forever. When we make those promises to be there for each other for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, we do so with the expectation that the we may start out poor, with nothing but each other (and that's enough) and will get richer over time, with more family, more wealth, more "stuff", more experience. We will start out healthy and wane into our older years, loving each other as we settle and age, become grandparents and nurse each other until the day we finally die, hopefully into our 90's, even living to be 100. And when all that is suddenly taken away, our lives are turned upside down. We don't have the future we anticpated. We won't have each other for the next 80 years.
      But the truth is, our expectations, our hopes, our dreams don't always come true. Sometimes we ask for something, from God, from the universe, from whatever higher spirit we believe in and we feel as if we don't get an answer. I believe that God always answers us but sometimes the answer is "No." And we have to accept it. That's the hard part. Remember when your parents would tell you no as a child, because it was something for your own good? But I have learned taht when the answer is "No" and we don't get what we wanted, something better takes it place.
      Sometimes we have to accept that there is a plan for our lives. And maybe the plan for your life is to be there for your husband. You can't change the fact that he is going through this terrible disease and that he may die. But did you ever think that it's happening to you because you are the only person on earth that can help your husband, truly help him, through this? No one can love him more. No one else can take every step of this journey with him, no matter where it may lead. You are the chosen one - to be there for him. You are the one that can make his life bearable, enjoyable, to bring him happiness and comfort. And you will be stronger, better, more human for all of this. Both of you will change and grow and be better at life for the way you will relate to each other, and the way you relate together to this experience.
      Just love him and love every minute of your life together, whatever it brings. Suffering and joy come in equal proportions, so does love and grief. You may feel sad but that's because you love him. The greater the sadness, the greater the love. Don't let the sadness turn into anger. Accept that this will make you sad, but know that you are lucky to love someone so much.
      Fight on,

      over 8 years ago
    • hgbkokopelli's Avatar

      i agree that too young people are not always ready for how life is dealt. be brave and walk the journey together. get hospice help, make out the 5 wishes booklet as good as a will and i am sure you may not have one. be sure everything is in order keep him as comfortable as possible, learn communication that is more than just talk. juice to keep your energy up. get plenty of good sleep.
      there is always good and blessings from above when we listen and obey gods wishes.get your husbands last wish known of what he wants cremation, or burial and with whom, and where. this is so you are not flailing when you must know what to do in a panick.
      cherish each breath, each moment for the time left, make it the best quality possible. may gods blessings prosper over you and yours.

      over 8 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      I took care of my Mom and Dad, both of them passed from cancer 10 months from each other. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I just found peace in knowing that we were there for them, helping them with everything and anything they needed. And hoped that it gave them peace knowing we were there to help them and care for them. And in the end, when each passed away, while it was hard, I was compforted knowing that we were there for them and was able to take care of them in their final days.
      Good luck to you and we wish you an easy journey.

      over 8 years ago
    • TwoYoungPeople's Avatar

      I appreciate what all of you said. Thanks so much for all the amazing advice and uplifting encouragement. Yes, we are very young, but this has really made us grow up really fast! I think its making us closer every day. We are strong and we are smart. God is so amazing, He has really blessed us greatly in so many ways. I have taken the advice to just try and cherish our time.. I really do appreciate the input you ALL gave us. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and any advice or insight is much needed and appreciated. All the doctors are optimistic with Robbie's prognosis, so that helps a lot... however sometimes it seems like other people forget that he is sick, and expect him to be himself.. maybe thats because he tries to pretend like he is okay? i can almost always tell when he really is okay, or when he is faking it! Thanks again everyone! May God be with you all!!!!

      over 8 years ago
    • caissg's Avatar

      Hi TwoYoungPeople,

      I admire your strength and love. I think there are certain situations when they come early in life are meant to test your character. You are handling it admirably. With hope and prayers and with doctors' help, hopefully Robbie will make it out well!

      I like the line you used..." however sometimes it seems like other people forget that he is sick, and expect him to be himself.. i can almost always tell when he really is okay, or when he is faking it!"

      Your husband is lucky to have you as he is going through these tough times. Make sure you also have someone who can recognize when you need help and are exhausted. And that they can tell when you are "really okay" and not just faking it. Although obvious, people will forget how young you are and how you are dealing with this. Finding support is almost as important as the treatment to have a happy, long, life.

      Our prayers are with you and the family and wish you all the best.

      over 8 years ago

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