• How do you help a 17 year old boy re-plan his life and learn to love to do what he is still able to do?

    Asked by KiVier2011 on Wednesday, January 23, 2013

    How do you help a 17 year old boy re-plan his life and learn to love to do what he is still able to do?

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      KIVIer2011,
      Hello my name is Carm and I am an oncology/ end of life nurse. What you ask is not an easy task and one I have experienced all too often. I have had patients that age and younger and have had meningioma patients as well. Although I cannot relate or equate my experience to a parent, I can give some insight as a caregiver. If I had just one piece of wisdom from experience that I could share with you, one thing that might make the task you undertake so much easier, it would be to teach him the value of a moment. I never worry about what lies in the road ahead, I can't fix the future roadblocks until they become apparent. If I concentrate too hard on what might be, then I have lost sight of what is and in the process I have sacrificed a moment I will never get back. I try and instill this way of thinking to my patients, especially the young ones who like everyone else their age, rush to get thru life at a full tilt. But in doing so, they overlook the beauty that lies in each moment. That one in a lifetime experience they stepped into and chose to step over in order to get closer to tommorow today. And in the blink of an eye-now, became then; a point in time with no memory to cling to. This is not how life should be experienced by anyone regardless of their disease. It is impossible to plan any life no matter what your intentions are. Instead he needs to plan his hopes, his goals. They are the roadmap, a hope gives you aim, a destination you dream of. Those dreams become goals. Yet you must take them in time with patience. A goal of a moment is achievable and the best things in life only happen in moments. The moment you fall in love, the moment your child enters this world. Precious moments with a meaning and a validation of the soul. Teach him that time is man made, in reality it does not exist. But moments...oh the joys, theirs is one that echoes in the heart and soul for all of eternity. Give him that lesson and his future will be endless. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      about 4 years ago
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      KIVIer2011,
      Hello my name is Carm and I am an oncology/ end of life nurse. What you ask is not an easy task and one I have experienced all too often. I have had patients that age and younger and have had meningioma patients as well. Although I cannot relate or equate my experience to a parent, I can give some insight as a caregiver. If I had just one piece of wisdom from experience that I could share with you, one thing that might make the task you undertake so much easier, it would be to teach him the value of a moment. I never worry about what lies in the road ahead, I can't fix the future roadblocks until they become apparent. If I concentrate too much on what might be, then I have lost sight of what is and in the process I have sacrificed a moment I will never get back. I try and instill this way of thinking to my patients, especially the young ones who like everyone else their age, rush to get thru life at a full tilt. But in doing so, they overlook the beauty that lies in each moment. That one in a lifetime experience they stepped into and chose to step over in order to get closer to tommorow today. And in the blink of an eye-now, became then; a point in time with no memory to cling to. This is not how life should be experienced by anyone regardless of their disease. It is impossible to plan any life no matter what your intentions are. Instead he needs to plan his hopes, his goals. They are the roadmap, a hope gives you aim, a destination you dream of. Those dreams become goals. Yet you must take them in time with patience. A goal of a moment is achievable and the best things in life only happen in moments. The moment you fall in love, the moment your child enters this world. Precious moments with a meaning and a validation of the soul. Teach him that time is man made, in reality it does not exist. But moments...oh the joys, theirs is one that echoes in the heart and soul for all of eternity. Give him that lesson and his future will be endless. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      about 4 years ago
    • SMT4's Avatar
      SMT4

      I think something that helped me is give opportunities to explore the new horizon. What I loved to do before cancer I still do now during, just modified but also I have found new and exciting things to also challenge me and that has been a great opportunity to look at life differently. I would say explore, explore, explore all the opportunities you can, maybe take a couple day trips, or sign up for a one time class to see where your interests and comforts lay post treatment. Keep the mind and heart open to let in new adventures I think is the key.

      about 4 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar
      Harry

      Well, it is very difficult to instill hope in the future, particularly immediately after one gets a shock like a cancer diagnosis. It should come in time but you want so much to focus on the positive when all he can see is the negative. I have a couple of suggestions.

      Follow @Modern She was 18 and a senior in High School when she was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease. Initially, she thought her hopes for college were gone. But, she didn't give up and fought through it. She just finished a term completing her chemo while simultaneously earning college credit. She is now on campus.

      Check out LiveStrong http://www.livestrong.org/

      about 4 years ago
    • braintumorz's Avatar
      braintumorz

      I am a 23-year-old brain cancer survivor, and I can relate. I wouldn't say so much that you have to re-plan his life, but that as he gains his strength, he will probably gravitate towards certain things and you should embrace his progress, no matter how slight! The transitions from pre-cancer to post-cancer are difficult, and I hope that he can find enjoyment in the things that he is able to do, and as he sees himself improving and your positive feedback, he will be propelled forward.

      about 4 years ago
    • KiVier2011's Avatar
      KiVier2011

      I think this would be so much easier for all of us if he could go back to doing what he used to- he loved wrestling and wanted to do MMA, but sadly he can't because of surgery that removed his spine. I try to always be positive and encouraging- tried setting him up to try new things that I thought he might enjoy, but for whatever reason he is angry with me and won't do anything I suggest. We pay for gym memberships so he can work out, and his Dad started a business that he will be physically able to do for the rest of his life, so obviously we are doing what we can as a family. We insist he experience as much as possible for his final year of high school- but it breaks my heart to watch him push away his friends and won't have a girlfriend (who also had spine surgery this year!) He still has so much to offer and is capable of doing so much more than he gives himself credit for- I would love to help him be more positive about his situation!

      about 4 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar
      Harry

      Well, I remember being 17. It was a very long time ago and I didn't have to deal with cancer, but I can see that adding cancer to the usual problems 17 year olds have with the world would be a bit much. It's going to take a while and he probably does not want help. The thing is, at this time he would normally be looking to break away from home. You see more clearly and maturely, but it will take a while before he sees it. There is an anonymous quote (usually attributed to Mark Twain but he probably didn't say it) that goes something like:

      When I was 17 I thought my father was the most ignorant man alive, but when I was 25 I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in the last 8 years.

      Has he any desire to go to college? College opens up so many opportunities that he may find something he really loves.

      about 4 years ago

    Help the community by answering this question:

    Create an account to post your answer Already have an account? Sign in!

    By using WhatNext, you agree to our User Agreement, and Privacy Policy


    Read and answer more meningioma questions.  Also, don't forget to check out our Meningioma page.