• How is your doctor's attitude about being positive on being able to get rid of your cancer?

    Asked by Coloman on Friday, October 4, 2019

    How is your doctor's attitude about being positive on being able to get rid of your cancer?

    I have started calling this one Dr. Doom. Doesn't ever seem to have anything positive to say. Every thing is a maybe, or worse when I ask what are the chances. He acts like he's never won a battle before and is afraid to give anyone any hope. It's hard enough going through this and then going to his office and listening to him seems to bring me down worse after I'm struggling to stay up. I find myself being his cheerleader and trying to pump him up.

    Are all oncologists this way?

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • JaneA's Avatar
      JaneA

      Treatment for colorectal cancer may require a considerable length of time. My personal opinion is that it's difficult enough to go through cancer treatment if your doctor is fabulous, but it's hard to push through when Dr. Doom&Gloom is your doctor.

      You live in a small town and it looks like you don't yet know what stage your cancer is. This is the time to seek a second opinion from a different cancer treatment center. What about Stephenson of INTEGRIS in Oklahoma City? Or Texas Oncology in Wichita Falls?

      Part of surviving cancer is a brain game - staying positive but learning about the specifics of your particular cancer so that you can advocate for yourself. Even in rural areas, we, as the patient, have choices. I live in rural area for travelled an hour away to get the care I needed, in spite of the fact that there was an option just 15 miles away.

      I just celebrated my 5-year anniversary of my Stage IV rectal cancer diagnosis. There is always hope. Finding an oncologist who believes that they can help you is the first step in finding the hope you need. Best wishes.

      4 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      No, not all doctors are that way. But I guess dealing with cancer can give you a permanent black cloud in your personality. My doctor was pretty good at lifting my spirits. And the nurse practitioner was always so uplifting when I saw her instead of the doctor. She really got to know me and would remember that I was a knitter.
      A couple things I think of when I was going through chemo. I always tried to smile no matter how sick I was. I think that gives people hope. And always say Thank You to the nurses. I made sure I did this because I know some people can treat nurses in mean ways. A simple thank you can lift them up.
      Before I had cancer, my son was in a serious accident. And he would be in so much pain because of his injuries and would still thank the nurses for his care. It's just a small thing but it can go a long way.

      4 months ago
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      @Coloman,
      As an oncology nurse, I have had the opportunity to work with many oncologists. Sometimes, it's not that they are Dr. Doom and gloom. They all follow the same playbook. It can be hard for them to lose battles as often as they do. They know their patients depend on them and believe me...they truly want to say the words you are longing to hear, but every diagnosis is different...and this is science. They are realists so they rely on their peers and research to set their sails but nothing in life is a guarantee. Often they are the quarterbacks while we nurses end up being the cheerleaders letting you know that no matter what type, it is a do-able disease. I worked for a three year stint at the original Cancer Treatment Centers of American. Their whole pitch is hope...hope when every other doctor says no hope...the place of second chances. It is extremely hard for them when they know you came to them because all other doctors offered limited outcomes, It really takes a toll on them. In reality, I can tell you that what determines your success or failure isn't a doctor or a nurse...its you. When survival is your goal it can be quite a motivator; a direction. Never take your mind off your goals. And...above all else, never just stop living your life...just don't give this disease any more power over you other than biology. When you have goals then moments become months and soon after years. Personally for me it never mattered what stage or grade my patients had because nothing was stronger than their will. You don't need a doctor to tell you that there is a warrior inside you. Rely on that warrior and you'll find you will have all the time you need. Best of luck to you.

      4 months ago
    • GeeKay's Avatar
      GeeKay

      It is time to get a second opinion outside the practice you are using. After being told that I had 12 months to live and that the only treatment they could offer was chemo till my body couldn’t take it any more, I got busy looking for alternatives. I had CRS with Hipec with a gifted surgeon. There are people out there who can offer more treatment options and hope.

      3 months ago
    • Leuky's Avatar
      Leuky

      I agree with the others, we don't need that extra drag on us. I don't mind telling my doctors and nurses to happy up if needed. When they come to work they need to leave their problems at home and not throw them us on us. Some people cannot do this, but this is the career they have chosen, so, if they can't be positive and uplifting to their cancer patients or at least not drag us down, they need to find an alternative career. At a minimum, tell your doctor that his negativity is pulling you down and you need some positive feedback, not negative.

      3 months ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      Get an appt. at OU cancer center in Tulsa.

      3 months ago
    • andreacha's Avatar
      andreacha

      I am not in the expert range like the others but I would wholeheartedly say "find another Oncologist".

      3 months ago
    • Odi's Avatar
      Odi

      No, my oncologist was neutral. He did not spread doom & gloom, but also was never overly optimistic. I would try to get a different oncologist, being positive & surrounding yourself with positive people is important for your own sense of well-being. Good Luck.

      3 months ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I used to just take whatever the doctor or nurses said and didn't think about it too much even when they said something out of line. In the last 11 years I have taken an entirely different approach. If a nurse is having a bad day and is negative all day long while I'm in the hospital I will say something to her/him. I appreciate them immensely for what they do. I couldn't do it. But they chose this career path and it requires being optimistic and supportive. If my doctor or nurse or anyone else for that matter is not on board I'm going to help them get off my boat.

      3 months ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      If you can, GET ANOTHER DOCTOR!!! If this one is a Debbie downer, how can that possibly help you? You need a doctor who that is confident and will inspire some degree of confidence in you. You are in treatment because you love life. Hanging around him is a downer - even when you are well. Somewhere out there is a doctor who is a much better match for you. You will probably have to become the squeaky wheel to change doctors, but the current one does not sound good.

      3 months ago
    • Marz416's Avatar
      Marz416

      Number one, find another oncologist or try explaining to your current dr that you literally dread coming to him and why. Right off the bat set rules. Your in charge and your the warrior. I was told that I had 6 months, surgery was not an option....I fought to make surgery an option and told my dr never to give me an expiration date...that was in 2011....I’m still here beating the odds living life and fighting with anyone who gets in my way. I have the best relationship with my oncologist and see him every 6 weeks. Yeah, there’s ongoing issues but you keep looking ahead. Be the boss....

      3 months ago

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